


Faking It

by domino1234



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Daddy Issues, Explicit Language, Fluff and Angst, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Lots of Reddie, M/M, Minor Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Mutual Pining, Neglectful Parents, Oblivious Eddie Kaspbrak, POV Eddie Kaspbrak, Panic Attacks, Rich!Richie, Richie Tozier is a Little Shit, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Spring Break, but not really lmao, fake dating au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2019-11-13 02:44:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 69,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domino1234/pseuds/domino1234
Summary: The obnoxiously pretty boy with the filthy mouth across the hall manages to convince Eddie to spend spring break pretending to be his boyfriend at his family’s lake house. Can Eddie put his unrequited crush aside to play up the charade for a week or will his feelings inevitably get in the way?--playlist





	1. Throw It Up

Music blaring. Bass dropping. People dancing. Drinks pouring. Smoke lingering. Head pounding. 

_Shimmy shimmy ya, shimmy ya, shimmy ya. Drank. Swalla-la-la._

How was it that he kept ending up in these situations? Some drunk blonde stumbling over his feet where he was collapsed on the couch, thinking- No, _overthinking_ thanks to the two beers he’d just finished, smashed in the small quad at the end of the hall that had way too many people crammed in for comfort. _Claustrophobia._

Eddie sucked in a breath, elbow on the armrest, head propped on his hand and eyebrows furrowed deeply. Stupid college parties. How was it that he kept ending up in these situations? 

Oh, yeah. His disgusting roommate was to blame, dragging him out of their dorm and away from studying for his last midterm tomorrow. 

Vic said it would be fun- it was just a chill pregame- there would be free booze. Well, at least he was honest about the last part. 

_Swalla-la-la._

That familiar barking laugh of his roommate managed to drown out the music momentarily, Eddie sinking deeper into the couch and risking a glance over his shoulder. 

There was Vic across the small room, bleach blonde hair sticking out in disheveled tufts, the telltale sign that he was crossfaded. Hey, with how thick the haze of smoke was currently in the quad, it wasn’t surprising that a majority of the people here were crossfaded. They were lucky their RA hadn’t complained, yet, about the smell or the noise. 

Victor was right in his element though, two hands thrown into the air, a can of beer in each one and a skinny brunette clinging to his hip, the rest of his obnoxious gang crowded around him. Eddie wondered how his roommate still had passing grades with how much he partied, and any time not spent partying was divided evenly between sleep, girls, and terrorizing the floor with Bowers. There was no time left for his education. 

Squeezing his eyelids shut and pinching the bridge of his nose, Eddie prayed Vic wouldn’t be bringing the brunette back to their dorm tonight.

As if Eddie wasn’t already fed up with the pregame and wasted girls tripping over him, it was at that exact moment someone else decided to lean over the armrest in the tight room, this time falling right into his lap. 

Eddie groaned, annoyed, eyes flicking open, ready to push the drunken girl back to her feet, but he froze, eyes wide, arm shifting suddenly, shying away from the boy on top of him. 

Long dark messy hair, a bunch of curls matted onto his forehead, head swiveling around, glazed eyes flickering with every shade of brown as they met Eddie’s, magnified behind thick black frames. Soft face, a sharp jawline, fluttering eyelashes, and a stunning tooth filled smile that Eddie thought would kill him, a lanky body that he didn’t even want to imagine would look like under that sweaty band tee.

He’d seen this attractive boy before, countless times in the past months they’d lived across the hall from each other, first and now halfway through second semester. But, never this close. It was only ever a nod, a quick hello, as they passed each other in the hallway. That was it. He heard him far more than he ever saw him. The boy was _loud_ and Eddie hated it. But, now he could feel his breath, smell his cologne and cigarette skin.

What was his name? _Richie Tozier._

_So close but you’re so far. So close but you’re so far. I’m thinking about you._

The beat dropped, and Richie’s glassy eyes blinked, turning his head to look back to the group of girls he’d just been talking to next to the couch, back to Eddie, probably wondering how he ended up in this stranger’s lap, lips dropping slightly open and Eddie tried to keep his gaze from going there. Richie shoved his glasses back up that were slipping down the bridge of his nose.

“Here, you look like you need a drink!” 

“What?” Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed together, and Richie’s raised, eyes flicking to the red solo cup in his hand, holding it out to Eddie insistently. Like this was normal, for him to be offering him a drink as he perched in his lap, not even bothering at the moment to get off despite being nearly twice the size of Eddie and crushing him. 

Eddie slowly lifted his hand, baffled, taking the cup from Richie’s hand, careful to avoid any brushing fingers. “Thanks,” he muttered. 

“No problemo, spaghetti head.” Richie nodded, eyes glinting, cocking his head and grin spreading wider as Eddie didn’t take a drink from the cup. _Spaghetti head?_

“Oh, aren’t you two just adorable!” Vic drawled out of nowhere, suddenly plopping down in the empty seat on the couch next to them. “Is Eddie _finally_ drunk enough to have a good time? How many drinks have you had? Three, four?” Victor went on and Eddie rolled his head to the side dramatically, groaning again as his roommate held up his phone at them, Eddie already assuming to be featured on this night’s drunken Snapchat story. 

“Fuck off, Vic.” 

Richie laughed, loud and obnoxious, mouth dropping open, an arm swinging around Eddie’s shoulders to steady himself as he teetered on his lap. The hand on his shoulder stunned Eddie, burning him. Eddie looked back to the laughing boy in his lap, lips curling up into a small smile at the sight, that he couldn’t help. Richie’s whole face was crinkled up, full of so much light, sort of beautiful. _Definitely_ beautiful, although he’d never admit it. Richie was more like a fucking disaster.

_I’ve been up, I’ve been down, I’ve been lost, sleeping ‘round. Thinking about you._

The flash went off on Vic’s phone, a photograph, and Eddie turned back to him, flipping him off, right as Richie slid out of his lap and onto wobbly feet, off to pull some girl into his arms and dance sloppily with her. 

Eddie sighed, watching Richie head bang to the music, yelling out wildly- something about modern music and his bleeding ear drums, Eddie couldn’t quite catch. He was far too sober for this. 

Finally managing to peel his eyes away from the insufferable, yet for some strange reason alluring boy, Eddie dropped his gaze down to the red cup in his hand, swirling the yellow-gold liquor around. One whiff, and that was definitely not beer. He handed it over to Vic’s waiting hands instead. 

\--

His alarm woke him early the next morning, and Eddie groaned reaching around for his phone to turn the blaring sound off and stuff his face back into his pillow. 

He’d tucked out of the pregame pretty early last night, before midnight, right before everyone was stumbling around to try and get to the real party across campus. He was sure a majority of them never made it, probably passed out in the quad hosting or in someone else’s bed. 

Speaking of, Eddie turned his head, cracking an eye open to look across the room, and unsurprisingly there was Vic, passed out crooked on his mattress, still in full clothes and shoes from last night, snoring lightly. 

Eddie couldn’t help but roll his eyes. 

Ten minutes later, Eddie rolled out of bed, hitting the shower and throwing on clean shorts and his favorite pink polo. There was one last midterm sitting between him and freedom. Spring Break. 

Eddie was more than ready for a week off, to go back home, back to Derry, Maine for break. He’d read too many textbooks, took too many notes, studied too hard. He needed this. 

Although Derry wasn’t the most exciting place to be heading for Spring Break, others off to Puerto Vallarta, Cancun, Miami, he was still glad to have a break from his bustling college life. Freshman year had been a hell of a lot different than high school. And besides, it’s not like his mom would ever agree for him to spend break elsewhere.

Swinging his backpack over his shoulder, tucking ear buds into his ears and plugging them into his phone, Eddie snuck out of the dorm room, speed walking to the elevator and scrolling through the string of notifications on his phone from last night after he’d clocked out. 

The usual for a Thursday night-- several unwanted Snapchats from Vic, a thread of drunk texts from his group chat with his friends, a couple new Facebook and Instagram friend requests, and then a tag in a Facebook photo courtesy of his roommate. 

Eddie was already scared of what he’d find when he opened the Facebook app, ready to un-tag himself from whatever ugly picture Vic had taken of him when he wasn’t looking. 

But, when the picture loaded, it wasn’t what he’d been expecting. 

Eddie sitting on the couch, not looking at the camera, instead peering up with a small smile curled on his lips, looking at the gangly boy in his lap who had an arm tucked around his shoulders, head tipped back in laughter, face so bright and warm. Two boys caught up in the moment, oblivious to the party happening around them. 

Eddie almost bumped into someone as the doors to the elevator opened and he walked out, the same time someone walked in, dodging out of the way. He muttered an apology, tearing his eyes away from the photo for a second before returning to it, tracing his eyes across the boy’s features, the hand touching his shoulder, remembering the fire. 

Eddie tapped the photo and the tags jumped into place. 

_Eddie Kaspbrak. Richie Tozier._

\--

Despite popular belief from his classmates, the exam hadn’t been _that_ bad. Sure it was a lot of multiple choice, a lot of short answer questions, but most of the stuff had been on the study guide that Eddie had spent a lot of time looking over. He was sure he pulled at least an eighty. 

Walking out of the lecture hall, an enormous weight lifted off his chest and relief flooding through him, Eddie immediately felt lighter. He was free from all responsibilities for a week. He was officially on Spring Break. 

After hitting the dining hall, Eddie went back to his dorm, planning to start packing before he headed home tomorrow. 

Victor was awake, thankfully freshly showered and in clean clothes, and sporting a hell of a hangover as he leaned over to hit his bong and blow smoke out the open window. 

Eddie shut the door, shaking his head disbelievingly at his roommate as he tossed his backpack to the ground. 

“Want a hit?” Vic held the bong out in offering and Eddie snorted, growing annoyed. Vic shrugged. “Just being polite.” 

“It’s not even noon,” Eddie commented dryly, grabbing the beanie laying on Vic’s side of the room and stretching up on his tippy toes to hang it over the smoke detector on the ceiling. _Paranoid._ He didn’t need them getting written up for setting off the fire alarm. 

“Nauseous, man.” Like that validated everything. Eddie huffed a humorless laugh and Vic turned to look at him with a grin. “Spranggg Breakkk.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes. 

There was a knock at their door as Vic bent over the bong again, and Eddie opened it, unthinking, assuming it was one of Vic’s dumb friends that he’d invited to smoke up. 

But, when Eddie lifted his head, he froze, hand on the doorknob, deer in the headlights. Because there was Richie, leaning casually against the doorframe, dark locks of hair left un-brushed, smile playing on his lips, like this was a normal thing, him showing up at Eddie’s dorm room. 

“Eds, right? Cute shirt.” 

Eddie’s mouth dropped open, but he couldn’t find his voice, gaping at the charming boy standing in front of him, nodding slowly. The bong was rippling in the background. 

Richie raised his eyebrows, cocky, expectant. “Well, can I come in?” 

Eddie stepped aside as Vic waved the boy exaggeratedly into the room, mouth still pressed to the bong, probably more worried about their RA walking down the hall and seeing him.

“It’s Eddie, actually.” 

Vic pulled away coughing out smoke. “Whaddup, Tozier.”

Richie nodded at him, hands slipping into the pockets of his ripped jeans as Eddie closed the door, turning around slowly to look at Richie again, eyes still wide as they landed on the sparkling brown ones staring back at him. 

“I have a proposition for you, Edward.” He spoke with a thick accent, British maybe?

“A--” Eddie squinted. “Okay,” he drew out slowly, hesitantly.

“It’s more like a favor,” Richie conceded, back to his normal voice. Eddie dropped his gaze, nodding, confused. 

“Okay.” Voice small, almost a squeak.

“What’s a boy like you doing for spring break?” he asked light, revealing nothing. 

“Uh- going home.”

“Where’s home?” Richie prompted.

Eddie pressed his lips together. “Maine.”

Richie cut right to the chase. “How would you feel about going to my family’s lake house with me instead?” 

Eddie’s eyes shot up so fast, landing on searching brown ones, a small smirk on Richie’s lips like the question he’d just asked wasn’t completely ludicrous and hitting Eddie like a truck out of nowhere. 

“What?” Eddie blurted. 

“It’s a huge house on Lake Ontario. There’s a pool, a boat, free food, free booze. Whatever you want! It’ll be like a vacation,” Richie persuaded, words coming out in a rush and Eddie’s face only scrunched up more, confused. “I’ll even be your servant.” He winked. 

Eddie spluttered. “What? Why?” 

“Sounds sick. Can I come?” Vic piped up, still leaning against his bed with bloodshot eyes flicking back and forth between them. 

Richie glanced over his shoulder at him, seeming to forget he was even in the room, all his focus burning holes into Eddie. “No,” he told him bluntly, looking back to Eddie, brown eyes wide and earnest behind those goofy glasses. “Look, did you see that picture he posted on Facebook of us?” Thumb over his shoulder, ‘he’ meaning Victor. 

Eddie tilted his head. The picture of Richie in his lap, bright like the sun, glowing around him. He nodded. 

“My mom saw it and well--” Richie trailed off, looking down, away, across the room, relieving Eddie of that gaze that was setting him on fire from the inside out. “I told her we were dating and now she’s expecting you to come with me to the lake house for spring break.” 

“What?!” Eddie asked disbelieving, eyes bulging. Richie told his mother they were dating?!

Richie’s eyes were back on his, softer now, almost pleading, still smoldering Eddie’s skin, still somehow flooded with humor. “Look, I don’t have the best relationship with my parents. My dad- he doesn’t get me, okay? He puts me down and I push him back, I poke the bear, and my mom saw the picture and said dad wouldn’t like it, so I--” 

“So you told her what- I was your boyfriend?” Eddie finished his sentence, incredulous. His hands were fisted at his sides.

Richie sighed, dropping his shoulders, his gaze, too. He pushed up his glasses. “Yeah, sort of.”

“So, your parents are homophobic.” It wasn’t a question.

Richie shrugged, helpless at this point. “No- well, maybe.” He shrugged again.

“So, you’re using me to piss off your parents.” 

Richie looked back up, flecks of copper in his eyes flickering with the sunlight shining through the window, casting light shadows across the freckles on his face. “Sort of?” More sure of himself, eyes blazing again. “I mean it could be fun, Eds! The two of us, teaming up. It’s not like you have any better plans for break. I mean, Maine? Seriously?” Richie scoffed lightly, almost amused. 

The way Richie was looking at Eddie nearly had him melting into the carpet, but he shook himself out of it. He wasn’t turning into putty. Not, yet. 

“I can’t. My mom is expecting me to come home.” She’d kill him if he didn’t show up tomorrow.

Richie’s face lit up again. “Oh, don’t you worry. Momma Kaspbrak and I will have a nice little chat, if you know what I mean.” Richie winked again, multiple times, insinuating. “I’ll make it all up to her. She won’t even realize you’re missing.”

Eddie’s face turned into a grimace. “That’s disgusting.”

Richie snickered.

Eddie huffed a deep, frustrated breath. “So, let me get this straight. You want me to go to your lake house with you, for the entire week, and pretend to be your boyfriend? Do you realize how fucking ridiculous that sounds?” 

Richie chuckled, eyes crinkling up. “Yep, that’s usually how I like to do things.” 

Eddie had his tongue in his cheek, jaw clenched, looking at the boy that was laughing at him. He clicked his tongue. “Why me? You don’t even know me! Why not Vic?” Eddie threw out a hand towards his roommate, twirling the bong in his fingers. “Or literally anyone else!” 

Vic held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, I don’t do boyfriends. I’m sure you’re an attractive dude, you’re just not really my type, Tozier.” 

Richie was laughing again, looking to Vic with a quirk of his eyebrow before returning to Eddie. “It was your lap I fell into last night. That had to be fucking fate, or some shit.” 

“I don’t believe in fate,” Eddie bit.

“Please, Eddie! For god’s sakes, will you be my fake boyfriend? Please! Don’t make me get on my knees and beg!” Richie clapped his hands together dramatically, bending his knees just slightly to reach Eddie’s eye level.

Eddie swallowed, hard, because now he had the image of Richie down on his knees in front of him and he definitely did not need to be thinking about that right now. He felt dizzy, staring into deep muddy eyes.

What was in it for him? A week at a huge lake house, pretending to be dating this smoking hot straight boy with a killer smile and a dirty mouth, who Eddie had literally been secretly interested in ever since the very first day they crossed paths in the hallway first semester. 

This was his chance to finally get to know the real Richie Tozier, not whatever crazy shit he’d heard around the floor. 

Self-destruction was what this was. 

“This is insane,” Eddie told him, hand reaching into his hair to tug at the short strands. He would live to regret this. 

“Is that a yes?” Richie’s eyebrows shot up, mouth dropping open into a toothy smile that made Eddie’s knees weak.

Was that a yes? 

Squeezing his eyes shut, Eddie reopened them, meeting Richie’s face of hope. “Fine,” Eddie sighed, caving in to the fire. “I’ll do it.” 

“Yes!” And the next thing Eddie knew he was being pulled into Richie’s strong arms and lifted off his feet, breath catching in his throat and eyes shooting wide in surprise, skin tingling everywhere Richie was pressed against him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

As quickly as the hug started, it ended, and Richie was putting him back on the ground and stepping back, beaming at a flustered Eddie that was straightening his bright polo. “We leave tomorrow morning, soldier.” Richie saluted him.

Eddie gave a weak nod.

“It’s gonna be fun, I promise. You won’t regret this!”

“If you say so.” Eddie wasn’t fully convinced. 

“Can you be ready around ten?”

“Okay.” Eddie gave another nod and Richie was turning towards the door. An anxious feeling spiked inside him. “Wait- Richie.” 

“Hm?” Richie turned back around, eyebrows up, pushing his hair back from his face.

“What- What do I bring?” 

Richie’s face crinkled up into another one of those huge smiles that nearly split his face in half. “Pack like you’re going to a lake house with your smoking hot boyfriend of six months,” he replied simply, his eyes dragging down Eddie’ front, lingering at his thighs, grinning to himself. “Those shorts will do.”

Eddie’s face flushed, looking down, back up. “Wait- six months?” Specific. Six months meant he should know shit about Richie. But, he barely knew anything about him, other than that he was slowly abolishing him with his blazing eyes and didn’t know when to shut the fuck up.

Richie chuckled. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Eds.” Then he was slipping out the door, slamming it closed behind him before Eddie could say another word. Eddie stared after him, swallowing the words on his tongue for him to not call him that.

“What the hell did I just get myself into?” he groaned instead at the ceiling. 

Vic whistled. “I have no fucking idea.”


	2. Kissing Strangers

“You’re what?! No, you’re not! Eddie you are coming home this instant!” 

Eddie sighed against the cell phone pressed to his ear, held up by his shoulder as he folded one of his favorite shirts and stuffed it into the duffel bag propped open on his bed. He turned around to retrieve more clothes from his closet. 

“Look, Ma, I know it’s last minute, but there is really no need to worry.” Eddie yanked another shirt off a hanger and held it in front of him in the mirror, looking at his reflection. Would this shirt look good on him? Or more importantly, would Richie think this shirt looked good on him? 

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut at that thought. 

“No need to worry? _No need to worry?!_ You want to spend spring break at a friend’s lake house who I don’t even know? What about your allergies? Do you have all your medications? The lake will make you sick, Eddie-bear!”

Eddie bit back a groan, that unwelcome anxiety spiking inside him. God, his mother could be so damn dramatic. The faster he got off this phone call the better. 

He did, however, backtrack to his nightstand drawer and retrieve his spare inhaler that he always kept there, chucking it into the duffel bag. _Just in case._

“I mean, think about all the bacteria living inside of a lake! And not just the lake- everyone that has ever swam in that lake, tracking it into the house. You’re bound to get a virus, or an infection and you know how sensitive you are to-”

He turned towards Vic, who was laying on his back on his bed, throwing and catching a crumpled essay that he’d gotten a shitty grade on above his head. Eddie held up the shirt and raised his eyebrows at his roommate, who glanced over, tilting his head before nodding. Eddie turned back around to fold and toss the shirt in his duffel. 

“It’s really not that big of a deal, Ma. Richie is a very clean and healthy person.” Eddie nearly winced at the lie, grimacing as he thought about Richie and the word ‘clean’. He highly doubted Richie even washed his hands after using the bathroom. 

Vic laughed from his bed and Eddie scowled at him. “Anyways, I’ve thought a lot about it and I really want to go, Mom. I’m not coming home. I’ll see you in a month and a half for summer break.”

“Eddie- No! We need to talk about this. What about me? You can’t change your plans without speaking to me first! You need to come home!” Her voice was filling with fake tears and Eddie rolled his eyes.

He was just about to reason more with her when his words caught in his throat at the loud knock on the door. He felt his stomach lurch at the sound because who else would be banging on their door this early on a Saturday. He panicked. 

What time was it? He could have sworn he had at least another half hour to finish packing. 

“Ma, I have to go, but I promise you everything will be fine. I will talk to you soon. I love you!” He quickly hit the end button on the call before she could argue. It was too late to feel guilty about ditching his mom for the hot boy across the hall for spring break. 

There was no going back now. 

Eddie took a deep breath, slipping his phone into the pocket of his shorts, before yanking open the door to their dorm room. 

It shouldn’t have taken him by surprise, but Eddie figured he could never get used to Richie on the other side of the threshold, leaning against the doorframe just as he had yesterday, looking like a bad fucking idea if Eddie had ever saw one.

“Hey, baby.” Richie grinned, lifting his sunglasses up to rest in his hair, revealing those twinkling, squinting eyes. 

Eddie scoffed, “Baby? Really?” He had to turn away, not able to fall victim to Richie’s gaze quite yet, holding the door open for Richie to enter. “You’re early,” he accused gruffly as he stuffed more clothes into the duffel bag sitting on his bed. 

Richie fell onto his back on the bed, bouncing beside his bag, among the stray of clothes, propping himself up on his forearms and meeting Eddie’s eyes once again with a broad smile. “Thought I would help my boyfriend pack.” 

Eddie swallowed, looking away, busying himself with grabbing a pair of shorts that were stuck halfway underneath Richie’s body on the bed, yanking them free to fold and shove into the duffel. “Right now you’re just getting in the way,” he grumbled. 

Richie laughed, feeling around on the bed till his hand caught a shirt and he picked it up, tossing it at Eddie. “Here, this would look so hot on you, Eds.” 

Eddie’s face flushed crimson red, which only caused Richie to laugh harder. How was he ever going to survive a whole week when Richie said things like that? Eddie snagged the shirt that had fallen back to the bed, glancing at the worn t-shirt before looking exasperatedly at the boy rolling on the mattress. 

“Seriously, Richie? I wore this to bed!” Eddie laughed, chucking the shirt back at Richie’s face and reaching to zip up the duffel. “And my name’s _Eddie_.” He picked up the bag, swinging it over his shoulder and looked back to Richie as he teetered back and forth from the added weight.

“Whatever you say,” Richie grinned, looking between Eddie and the duffel bag on his shoulder and probably smirking at how close in size the two were. 

Eddie scowled and took another deep breath. “Okay, I’m ready.”

Richie raised his eyebrows, cocky and unconvinced, as he asked, “Are you sure?” One look at the dork and Eddie knew his answer. 

“No, I’m never going to be sure. So, let’s leave before I change my mind.” Eddie started for the door, not waiting for Richie to respond, however he heard the mattress shift behind him as the other boy got up. 

“Have a good spring break, boys. Use protection!” Vic called after them as they left the dorm room, Eddie groaning at his unwarranted roommate’s comment, but he couldn’t quite suppress a smile after hearing Richie’s laughter behind him, tripping on his untied laces as he scrambled down the hallway to catch up. 

\--

It was a thirty-minute drive to the airport, a long thirty minutes as they rode in Richie’s beat up Mustang convertible, which Eddie had refrained from rolling his eyes at because he should have known Richie would drive a ridiculous car. With the top down, the wind whipping past them, Richie sped down the highway, certainly ruffling up Eddie’s hair and leaving it windswept and tangled, but the other boy tried not to let that get to him. Instead he held on for dear life because Richie was a terrible driver.

Richie blasted Green Day from the speakers, tapping his hands on the steering wheel and eliminating any chance for conversation. That was fine with Eddie, since it gave him a chance to collect his thoughts and prepare for the week ahead of him. He still wasn’t sure what exactly he was getting himself into. 

He allowed himself to sneak a glance at Richie driving. Richie was bopping his head, his hair a disaster in the wind, yelling the words to the song and wearing his sunglasses again so Eddie couldn’t see his eyes, but he could imagine what they’d look like in that moment-- lit up with happiness, glittering with specks of every shade of brown that the sunlight would highlight. Eddie subtly hoped he would get the chance to memorize every reflection in them over the course of the week, so when he closed his eyes he could picture the pair of brown one’s behind those thick rimmed glasses, that seemed to bring out this sizeable reaction in him. 

Eddie wondered why a boy that looked so liberated in this moment would want to go through such lengths just to piss off his parents. 

_And can you hear the sound of hysteria?_

Richie looked over at him and offered a warm smile before returning his eyes to the road. Eddie’s heart fluttered. 

_The subliminal mind-fuck America._

\--

Eddie wasn’t a fan of the airport. 

It was beyond crowded with everyone travelling for spring break and he was on the verge of losing his shit. People kept knocking into Eddie, pushing him this way and that, and he was growing more and more irritated by the second, something Richie took humorous notice to. 

By the time they’d made it through security, Richie had collected both of their bags and pressed a steady hand on Eddie’s upper back to help guide him through the crowd, making small cracks about their height difference in Eddie’s ear that somehow managed to loosen him up rather than anger him more.

They didn’t have to wait long at all for their plane to board, because apparently Richie wasn’t one to plan ahead and arrive early. He claimed cheekily that he lived on the edge, something Eddie was not at all familiar with and made him quite restless as they ran to catch their plane. With how busy the airport was, they were lucky they’d made it through security in time. 

Richie led the way onto the airplane, flirting with the pretty flight attendant as she greeted them and stirring something deep inside Eddie he’d never admit to. Richie walked ahead down the aisle like he owned the damn place and stopped short at a couple empty seats in first class as Eddie caught his breath behind him.

“Window or aisle?” he asked offhandedly over his shoulder.

Eddie’s jaw dropped as he did a double take, and he realized he might have strongly underestimated what he was getting himself into. Richie started whistling as he threw their bags haphazardly into the overhead compartment before slamming it shut.

“Aisle,” he squeaked. Richie slid into the first-class row without a second glance and dropped into the white plush seat by the window, like he’d done this every day of his life.

Hell, maybe he had.

Richie looked up at Eddie and stopped whistling. He squinted at Eddie’s wavering expression and patted the chair right next to him expectantly.

“Pop a squat, Eddie-spaghetti. I probably should give you a better idea about what you’re walking into,” Richie said, his usual smugness gone, eyes bearing into Eddie as he sunk into the chair next to him. He’d replaced his sunglasses with his normal coke-bottled ones.

“You think?” Eddie tipped his head at the other boy with a small scowl. Wait- Eddie-spaghetti? _Spaghetti head?_ “What’s with all the nick names?”

Richie gave a huff of amusement but didn’t provide any answer. He looked down instead and nodded to himself. “Look, you don’t have to worry about my parents-- I mean, they aren’t going to care that _you’re_ \- you know, gay or anything.” Eddie raised his eyebrows, because _what?_ That pretty much went against everything Richie had told him about his parents yesterday, which hadn’t been much. 

Richie looked back up, saw Eddie’s expression and sighed. It was probably the first time Eddie had ever seen him being serious. “I just- you don’t have to feel uncomfortable. My dad only cares about what I do- or rather- he doesn’t care what I do, which is the whole point of all of this. But, what I’m trying to say is he won’t bother you.” 

None of that made any sense. Eddie felt kind of nauseous. He felt around in the pocket of his shorts for his inhaler, but he didn’t pull it out. 

“I need you to focus on two things and two things only this week, okay Eds? First and foremost, having fun and enjoying your spring break. And second, pretending to be my boyfriend, which I’ll make super easy for you.” Richie winked, actually winked and Eddie gulped. 

_Yeah right_ , the way his heart was hammering in his chest told Eddie that there were way more than two things he should be worrying about this week. 

“And, listen Eddie, if at any moment you feel uncomfortable, just tell me and we’ll leave. I promise you that. You holler the word and we’ll ditch this popsicle stand, no problemo.” 

It took a moment for Eddie to find his voice again, and even then it was barely there. “Why are you doing this?” He asked carefully, looking at Richie to try and gauge his reaction, although the other boy offered nothing. “What are you trying to prove?” 

Richie studied him for a second before his mouth quirked into a minute smile, if Eddie had to guess, a fake one. “That my parents can’t control who I am.” 

Eddie didn’t know what to say, and luckily he didn’t have to say anything as the flight attendant walked by to tell them to prepare for takeoff. Richie turned away to look out the window and it was only then that Eddie allowed the flash of pity to cross his face as he looked at the other’s sulking shoulders, the jet starting to move on the runway.

One question stuck in Eddie’s mind. _Who are you?_

There was a lot more to Richie Tozier than his good looks, charming yet obnoxious personality, and carefree façade. Eddie was starting to realize that. 

However, it didn’t help the slightest in containing his god-for-saken crush on a straight boy. If anything, it only made him more interested in Richie and created the strong urge to protect the other boy from whoever had harmed him in the past. 

It was daring for Eddie to allow himself to have such strong feelings for the boy he would soon be pretending to date, but he didn’t have it in himself to make it stop. He was walking on thin ice, and sure he would drown in the icy water beneath the surface before the week was over. 

\--

After the plane had taken off, Eddie dug his phone from his pocket and untangled his headphones before slipping them into his ears, resting his head back and turning away from Richie to get his mind off everything with some music. Richie was busy making a mess of a bag of chips next to him.

_I like that you’re broken, broken like me. Maybe that makes me a fool._

It wasn’t helping. If anything, filling his head with music only made Eddie more aware of the boy sitting beside him and how he craved to look at him again, try and figure him out like some complicated puzzle piece. 

_I like that you’re lonely, lonely like me. I could be lonely with you._

His ear buds were suddenly ripped from his ears before Eddie had the chance to do it himself. He turned to look at Richie startled. “What?” he asked annoyed as the other boy dropped the headphones back in his lap. 

“Time to study.” Richie turned his attention back to his phone in front of him, scrolling through what looked like a freaking slideshow presentation. 

“Study?” Eddie raised his eyebrows. 

Richie glanced up at Eddie quickly before looking back to his phone, unimpressed. “We’ve been dating for six months. You have to know more about me than my first and last name if anyone is going to believe us. I need ya to ace this test, sweetie pie.” 

Eddie didn’t respond, chewing on his lip instead. He’d gladly learn more about Richie, but he wasn’t about to admit that. 

Richie held up his phone, showing a picture of an older man in a suit, harsh face, barely smiling, graying hair, arms crossed in front of his body, and despite Eddie not wanting to acknowledge it because of the contrast between the two, the man was clearly sharing DNA with Richie. 

“Wentworth Tozier,” he supplied. “The hugest condescending asshole on the planet, or as I despise calling him, my father. Makes the big bucks as a dentist, probably cheating on my mom, and his biggest priority is upholding his public image- which as you may be able to tell I tend to interfere with.” 

“Woah,” Eddie muttered, because holy shit that was a lot to take in. He looked from the image to Richie, who appeared completely unfazed by what he had just rattled off. “Should I address him as the hugest condescending asshole, or?” 

Richie huffed a laugh, shaking his head. “Call him whatever you want, as long as you look like my cute boyfriend while doing so.” He flashed that toothy smile and reached out to pinch Eddie’s cheek, who swatted his hand away. Eddie was glad he was sitting down because it surely made his knees weak. 

Before Eddie could form a coherent response to that, Richie was moving on, scrolling to the next photo. 

This one was of a dirty blonde-haired woman that appeared younger than she probably was, roots needing a touch up, soft face with a few indiscreet wrinkles around her eyes and mouth. 

“My mom, Maggie Tozier. Married for the money, loyal follower of my father, and forever wishes she had a daughter instead of a son. You’ll probably think she’s sweet, but it’s all just an act. She loves to pretend we have the perfect little family, when everyone with clear eyes can tell that’s far from the truth.” 

Eddie listened quietly, absorbing the information, trying to piece together what was beginning to sound like Richie’s tragic childhood. He wanted more. “Any siblings?” he prompted. 

“Nope, but my friends will be there. We all grew up together, so they’re practically a part of the family.” Richie swiped to the next picture, revealing a teenage girl with sharp facial features, green eyes and bright red curly hair framing her face. “Beverly Marsh, or Bev, my best friend, my ride or die. She’s the baddest bitch you’ll ever meet.” Eddie chuckled lightly at that.

Richie swiped with his thumb again, switching to a photo of a boy with darker auburn hair. “That’s Bill, fearless leader of the wolfpack. He has a st-st-st-stutter,” Richie mimicked. “And he dates our other good friend-” 

Richie swiped again, revealing a boy with blonde curly hair sporting a frown. “Stanley, or Stan the Man Uris. So, don’t worry we won’t be the only gay couple around. But hey, the more the merrier, right?” Richie grinned at Eddie and bumped his shoulder against his. Eddie gave him a questioning look that Richie was oblivious to. “Anyways, Stan loves birds. I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason he even comes to the lake house. There’s a lot of fucking birds chirping around.”

“And then we got Mike,” Richie said, moving to the next picture. Eddie wasn’t looking down at the phone in Richie’s hands though. Instead, he was staring at the other boy’s profile, taking him in, the excitement in his tone and the upbeat pace of his words as he talked about his friends. “Mike’s cool. You’ll probably like him the best, I mean everybody does.” 

Richie must have felt Eddie’s gaze on him because he spared a glance his way and smirked. “Are you getting all this, Eds?”

“Huh?” Eddie snapped out of it and looked down at the picture. “Oh, yeah.” Mike had dark skin and a friendly smile. Eddie could still feel Richie smirking knowingly at him.

“Lastly, we got Ben Hanscom, newest to join the group, although he’s been around for years. Super smart and a total nerd. He’s an artist.” Richie tossed his phone on the tray table when he finished showing Eddie the picture of the soft boy with the round face. 

“It’s gonna be a full house, but it’s big enough, and we don’t have to hang around them the whole time if you don’t want to. My friends are cool though- I mean not as cool as me- but, I think you’ll like them,” Richie rattled.

Eddie nodded, although he really didn’t care who they hung around as long as they were together. He kicked himself internally for rationalizing that. 

“So, what will they think then? Are your friends going to believe you’re dating a boy or will they see through this performance we’re putting on?” 

Richie raised his eyebrows and gave a small smile. “Depends how you are at performing, Mr. Kaspbrak,” he said simply before looking back to his phone. 

Eddie stared blankly, grasping onto the information that was just unloaded on him, all the people he would be meeting later today, all the people he would have to convince that he was Richie’s boyfriend. Richie glanced back at Eddie and chuckled. 

“Is there going to be a quiz?” Eddie teased. 

Richie laughed more, eyes crinkling like that night at the pregame when he was sitting in Eddie’s lap. 

“No, I just need them to believe us. But, I’m not worried. I know we can pull this off, Eds.” 

His stomach did weird things in response to Richie’s voice and that nickname, but Eddie did his best to ignore it for now and not think about what it meant. 

“We can,” he agreed with a smile. Eddie wasn’t sure if he believed himself, but he knew he would try his best to help Richie, and it’d be easy remembering things about him when he found the other boy so intriguing, for some reason that was beyond his comprehension. Which led him to his next question. “And what about you? I know about your family and friends now, but I barely know anything about you.” 

“Hm... I guess you’ll have to figure that out on your own.” 

Richie winked, and Eddie scoffed as he looked away. He wasn’t a fan of mystery. “Nothing? Not even your major?” 

Richie laughed. “It’s radio television and film, but I’m mostly into the radio part.”

Eddie raised his eyebrows, a little surprised. “You’re like a radio DJ?” 

“Mhm... and you’re a public relations major. At least _I_ did my research.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes, looking back to Richie and flinching under the burn of his gaze and his self-satisfied smile. The other boy had _researched_ him, and suddenly Eddie felt like he was melting and had to look away again. 

“Now, should we practice kissing, or would spaghetti rather leave it up to the moment?” 

Eddie’s eyes shot back to Richie’s and his mouth dropped open. _What?_

Richie chuckled, eyes crinkling. “What’s that look for? You didn’t really think you wouldn’t have to kiss me, did you? I promise I don’t have Dorito breath.” 

“I--” Eddie couldn’t focus because now all he could think about was Richie’s mouth on his and the way that would set his body on fire and his eyes were dropping down to look at Richie’s chapped lips and _oh god_ , he wanted to kiss that boy. He needed to kiss that boy. 

Richie’s grin widened, and he nodded, tongue darting out to wet his bottom lip, turning his body to face Eddie. “We’ll practice.” 

Of course he’d spent all last night thinking about the probability of him having to kiss Richie, in order to fit the act and prove they were a real couple. And he was more than okay with that, more than okay with letting Richie ravish his mouth and use him to piss off his parents if he got to kiss those dirty lips. 

But, now the time was here and Eddie was freaking out, and _so_ not ready for the feelings that would absolutely evolve from the touch of their lips and leave his heart pounding in his chest. 

Suddenly, Richie was quirking his eyebrows and a hand was reaching out to cup the back of Eddie’s neck, fingers threading into the short hair on the nape as he slowly leaned in, and Eddie couldn’t breathe, his skin was on fire under Richie’s touch and all he could do was subtly part his lips. 

And in a haste decision, Eddie leaned forward and pecked Richie’s lips, the softest brush of their lips before he was pulling completely away, facing forward in his chair, and even though it was barely a kiss, his heart was still thrumming so loud that Eddie was sure Richie could hear it. 

Eddie could feel Richie looking at him, studying him, and cocking his head with that stupid grin. “You’re going to have to kiss me better than that.” 

He didn’t push, though. Instead, he turned away also, back to looking out the window and leaving Eddie to finally breathe again. _What the fuck._

\--

After the plane landed, the two grabbed their bags and exited, heading out towards the busy parking lot of the airport where a disgustingly muddy Jeep Wrangler was waiting that Richie magically had the keys to. They threw their bags in the backseat and climbed in, Eddie practically having to take a running start to make it into the passenger seat of the monster. Richie laughed brightly and started the engine, pulling out of the parking lot and into traffic. 

It wasn’t long before they turned onto a road that curved beside a massive lake, gigantic houses lined in front of the blue shimmering water. Eddie couldn’t help but gawk out the window as the mansions flashed by him, spread a decent land apart from each other and a distance up from the water. He could see glints of docks and fancy boats floating in the vast lake between the houses, rocky beaches coating the water’s edge, and the opposite side of the lake not even visible in the horizon. 

Then, Richie was passing through a lanky black gate and pulling onto a smooth- bricked driveway in front of possibly one of the largest houses they’d passed, yet, and Eddie stared up at the three-story house, painted the lightest of blue, with wide open windows and balcony’s stretching across the entirety of it. His mouth was dropped open as his gaze took in the stretch of the mansion, the colorful landscaping, the rounding of the victorian with white trimming. 

“I told you it’d be worth it.” 

“ _Shut_ up.” Eddie hopped out of the Jeep, hearing Richie’s laughter behind him, as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the house he would be staying at for the next week. This was unreal. This was incredible. 

This was certainly not Derry. 

Richie had grabbed their bags, swinging the straps of both over his shoulder as he rounded the Jeep to stand next to Eddie. 

“Ready?” he asked, looking at Eddie. 

Eddie finally tore his stare away from the house to meet those soft brown eyes and he smiled. 

Richie looked down, reaching tentatively to graze his fingers with Eddie’s before sliding his hand against his, lacing their fingers together. 

Eddie ignored the way his breath hitched at the contact, the way his hand tingled, the way his palm was sweating, and instead he held back, letting his hand fit with Richie’s like this was a part of his every day and he nodded. They were pretending to be a couple now. 

Richie squeezed his hand softly. “Okay.” 

He started forward leading the way up the steps to the front porch, to the large mahogany doors, that he pushed open and stepped inside. 

They were met with a burst of cool air, the house air conditioned, as Richie set their bags down on the glossy tiled floor and closed the door behind them, not letting go of Eddie’s hand as he did so. They stood in a wide den with tall ceilings, three different passages in the walls leading to different rooms or hallways, and an open staircase ascending upstairs. 

“Richard is that you?” called a woman’s bubbling voice, muffled from the other room and Richie tugged them forward, through the short hallway and past a couple closed doors till it opened up to an extravagant kitchen on one side and a living area on the other, bright with natural light from the back wall made up of windows. 

Maggie Tozier was facing the stove, cooking, turning around when she heard them enter and lighting up with a warm smile at the sight of her son. 

“Hey, mom,” Richie greeted, dropping Eddie’s hand to step forward and meet her halfway for a hug, Eddie hovering awkwardly in place, wearing a smile of his own. 

“Richie, it’s so good to see you!” She rubbed at his back, rocking them back and forth momentarily before Richie made a face and pulled away. Maggie kept her hand resting on his shoulder. 

There were footsteps and then someone was appearing through the opening on the opposite side of the kitchen, the spitting image of the picture Richie had shown Eddie of his father, right down to his harsh face and piercing gaze. 

“Richard,” he nodded, voice deep and authoritative as he looked at his son across the kitchen’s island between them. 

Richie made no move to approach his father, glancing up and then quickly away, his persona shrinking in size. “Hi, dad,” he eventually sighed out. 

Eddie could feel the tension growing from the second Mr. Tozier had stepped into the room, and he tried not to feel uncomfortable as he watched Richie’s father burn holes into his only son. 

Richie seemed to pull himself together then, shit-eating smile returning to his face, stepping back and turning to wrap an arm around Eddie’s shoulders, Eddie trying not to squirm under his touch. 

“This is Eddie,” Richie grinned, looking at the other boy before back at his parents. “My boyfriend. Eds, these are my parents.” 

Eddie watched Mr. and Mrs. Tozier’s eyes shift to him, almost like they hadn’t noticed him in the room until this moment, or at least had been trying not to. 

He focused on Mrs. Tozier first, stepping forward to shake her hand, but instead the blonde woman pulled him into a tight hug that caught Eddie off guard. 

“Oh- Hi, thank you so much for having me, Mrs. Tozier. Your house is beautiful.” 

“It’s so nice to meet you, Eddie. And please, call me Maggie,” she said, pulling back from the hug and giving him a kind smile. Maybe this wouldn’t be too bad. 

Eddie shifted then to bring his attention to the older man in the room, scrutinizing him across the counter, nothing friendly about his features. Eddie swallowed, as Mr. Tozier’s gaze flickered from Eddie back to his son, judging. 

Eddie ignored the dread in his body as he told himself to play nice and stepped forward to shake the father’s hand. “Nice to meet you,” he mumbled, and Mr. Tozier offered nothing in response except his death grip as they shook hands. 

”You can call him Went!” Richie chirped. His father set his jaw and didn’t say anything. 

Eddie didn’t hesitate retreating back to Richie where his arm was waiting to wrap around his waist and tug him back into his side, fitting comfortably against him. 

Richie cleared his throat, gaze locked with his father’s and eyebrows drawn together, but he didn’t say anything. 

Maggie was quick to talk over the tension piling up, breaking out in her cheerful tone. “How are you, boys? How was traveling? Did you get here okay?” 

“Ay, not too shabby, mate,” Richie said in a god awful Australian accent, looking to his mother, and Eddie nodded along. 

“The weather is beautiful. I think it’s supposed to be nice all week,” Maggie continued, making small talk, turning back to the stove to resume cooking. “Eddie, feel free to make yourself at home.” 

“Thank you.” He felt Richie’s hold on him loosen, hand trailing across the dip of his back before he let go, and Eddie shivered. 

“Where is everyone in this shit hole?” Richie asked, leaning forward onto his forearms against the kitchen counter, picking at a cheese platter that was set out, relaxing now that his father was busying himself with fixing a drink.

Maggie grunted in disapproval and swatted at her son lightly with a dish towel. “Wash your hands first.”

Eddie turned around, shuffling a couple feet away, needing a short reprieve from meeting the parents. He took in the room and this house and how unbelievable it all was, how he’d never been in a home this big. And it was only their lake house- a place to vacation as they pleased. 

“The kids are all outside, except Stanley. I’m not quite sure where he’s off hiding.” Richie snorted. 

The living room was decorated with expensive couches and furniture, a huge flat screen TV hanging on the wall above a stone fireplace, hardwood floors and a glass coffee table, fancy rug in the center. The living room alone was nearly as big as Eddie’s whole first floor of his house back in Derry. 

“Dinner should be ready in about an hour. I’m making chicken, your favorite.”

“Thanks, mom.” 

Eddie strolled into the living area slowly, coming to stand in front of the immense glass windows that nearly ran from the ceiling to the floor, out looking the view from the back of house. Eddie was amazed, gaping at the stone patio complete with a full bar, grill, and cushioned furniture, then the broad crystal blue pool surrounded by loungers where he could see a few boys hanging out, laughing with each other with beer bottles in their hands. Past the pool was a slow descent of a grassy hill that turned into a rocky beach, water of the lake licking at the edge of the stones. There were two docks on either side of the property, both long, made of even wood. The one on the left sat next to what looked like a boathouse, matching blue paint and trim as the house, and right beside it in the water was a sleek white boat, along with a couple jet skis, kayaks, and smaller row boats tied along the dock. 

Looking out at the lake, Eddie could find one word to describe the view. 

_Paradise._

Eddie startled at the hands slipping around his waist from behind and the chin coming to rest on his shoulder, but Richie whispered a soothing, “shhh,” his breath ghosting his ear. He’d almost forgotten these touches were regular now, all part of acting like a couple. 

Eddie tried to calm, keeping his eyes glued out at the pool, the lake, but it was nearly impossible with the heat of Richie behind him, his body pressed against his, and how his hands were burning into Eddie’s hips. 

“Okay?” Richie whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his jawline, and Eddie tried to remain standing. He could barely hear the background noise of Richie’s parents chatting with each other over his heart beat pounding in his ears. 

“Okay,” he nodded, swallowing hard, trying not to lose his mind, but he was enjoying the burn of Richie wrapped around him _so_ much. _Too_ much. 

Richie took a step to the side to come stand next to him, one hand sliding up his torso to rest around him just as it had before. “Ready to meet the others?” He gestured with his head out to the backyard. 

Eddie drew in a shaky breath, trying to concentrate over the fog clouding his mind. “Sure.” He risked a glance at Richie and smiled as the other boy reached down to take his hand again. 

Richie led him through the glass sliding doors and out onto the patio, where they were immediately hit with the blinding sun and heat of the late afternoon. They walked out by the pool where there were three people chatting in lounge chairs and one splashing around in the water. 

“Hey, losers!” Richie called as they approached. 

“Richie!” the only girl squealed, jumping up and rushing to hug him, Eddie immediately recognizing her as Beverly. 

“Well, well, w-well, look who f-finally made it. If it isn’t the one and only tr-tr-trashmouth,” the scrawny boy called from the pool, swimming across to prop his arms on the closest ledge. “Thought you w-weren’t going to show.” 

“Hey,” a dark-skinned boy piped up in complaint, taking a sip of his beer and rolling his eyes at Bill. “He’s here, isn’t he?” 

Richie laughed, letting go of the red head and running over to clap hands with the rest of his friends. “What’s up, shit heads?” 

He ended up back beside Eddie a moment later, after giving one of them a noogie and being abruptly pushed away from the group. He put a proud hand on Eddie’s shoulder and cleared his throat obnoxiously like he was making an important announcement. “Attention! Attention! This right here is my boyfriend, Edward Spaghettward,” he declared. 

“It’s just Eddie,” the smaller boy corrected.

Beverly turned to Eddie with a bright smile. “Wow, he actually exists! I thought Stan was joking,” she said before stepping forward to hug him in greeting. 

“Seriously, Bevvie?” Richie scoffed, and Eddie shot him an amused glance over Beverly’s shoulder as he returned the hug. “You think I can’t land a hottie like this?”

Beverly snickered, but ignored him. “I’m Bev, one of Richie’s friends.” 

“Annoying friends,” Richie corrected, earning him a shove from Bev when she pulled away from Eddie. 

Eddie smiled, watching the two of them laugh and bicker, pushing each other back and forth closer to the pool. “Are they always like this?” 

“M-most of the time... You’ll get used to it,” the boy sighed from the edge of the water. “I’m Bill, by the w-way.” 

“Eddie. Nice to meet you.” 

There was a loud splash then and everyone turned to where Bev had been pushed into the pool and was now submerging from the water. Richie stood at the edge laughing down at her, arms bent around his stomach, looking like the sun. Eddie felt his heart skip a beat at the gorgeous shit. 

“Rich, I’m going to kill you!” 

“Well, there goes Beverly’s hair,” another boy spoke up and Eddie turned to him with a chuckle. “I’m Ben,” he introduced himself. 

“Mike,” the other boy said, patting the now empty lounger beside him, and Eddie took that as invitation to sit down. “I never knew Rich was into guys.” 

Eddie couldn’t help feeling the irony. _He isn’t._

The four of them watched now as Bev pulled herself out of the pool and chased after Richie, trying to throw him into the pool as he had done to her. She wasn’t having much luck. Richie was a sloppy mess of limbs running in crazy circles around the pool.

“How long have you two been dating?” 

Eddie swallowed. “About six months.”

“W-wow, he sure kept you a secret for a long time,” Bill observed. “Surprising because the kid can’t keep his m-m-mouth shut for shit.” 

Richie was hollering nonsense in the background.

Eddie tried to stifle his nervous laughter, trying to think of what to say that wouldn’t incriminate Richie’s words later on. “Yeah, well, it all happened pretty fast, so... we tried to keep it between us for as long as possible.” 

Another loud splash, and Bev was back in the pool. 

Richie walked back over then, still grinning, falling into the lounge chair with Eddie and leaning back against him like they did this regularly. “What are you saying about me now, Billy? Only pleasant things I hope.” Richie put a dramatic hand to his chest like he was hurt.

Eddie froze at first, but feeling Bill’s curious gaze on him, he wrapped his arms around Richie’s chest as casually as possible and couldn’t help feeling the butterflies as Richie snuggled back into his touch.

“We were only t-talking about how much of a f-fucking nerd you are.”

And probably the scariest part was that after a few moments-- it _did_ start to feel normal. Talking and laughing with Richie’s friends, spending time by the pool under the sun with Richie in his arms, the way Richie was tracing his fingers along Eddie’s kneecaps as he shared crude jokes and crazy memories with him, the way Eddie subconsciously brushed his hand through Richie’s knotty hair as he compared college courses with Ben. It felt normal- even when Richie looked over his shoulder and smiled at him, that beaming smile that made his heart stop, it still felt normal. 

So when Maggie Tozier called over to them from where she had set the dining table out on the patio, announcing dinner as the sun was setting over the lake, Eddie was almost sad that he had to let go of Richie, popping whatever warm bubble they had been in for the past hour. 

Richie stood up first, turning to reach out with both his hands and pull Eddie to his feet, placing a loud smack of a kiss on his forehead, before they headed to sit at the table with the rest of the family. 

The eight of them- Richie, Eddie, Bev, Mike, Ben, Bill, and Mr. and Mrs. Tozier all sat down for dinner, dishing out plates of food with light conversations fluttering around the table. 

The back door sliding open, interrupted the conversations however, and the missing friend bounded out, sliding the door shut a little harder than necessary behind him. He sat down in the empty seat next to Bill without looking up, pushing his curly hair back and revealing the soft scowl prominent on his pale face. 

Bill sighed lightly, placing a piece of chicken on his plate. 

“Hey, Stanley,” Richie broke the silence and the new addition to the table looked up, surprised, face softening the slightest bit as he looked to Richie. 

“I thought you weren’t coming.” His voice, although barely holding any emotion at all, sounded accusatory. 

Richie offered a smile, reaching to put his arm around Eddie’s shoulders next to him and Stan’s eyes followed the action. “You really think I’d skip this party? _Hell_ no. This week is going to be fan-fucking-tastic.” There was a hint of sarcasm in his voice that nobody missed. “This is Eddie, my boyfriend.” 

“Hey,” Eddie said. 

Stan’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he mumbled, “Hey,” before his expression changed into something more like amusement. He looked back to Richie, with an all too familiar raise of his eyebrows. “Seriously?” 

Richie didn’t respond, only quirking his eyebrows right back and squeezing Eddie’s shoulder. 

Went set his glass down roughly and Eddie flinched involuntarily as the table shook. 

Richie was quick to rub a soothing hand across the back of his shoulders, as he didn’t even spare his father a glance. “Have you really been holed up reading bird books all day or what?” he asked Stan challengingly, who only rolled his eyes at him. “Tomorrow you bet your ass you’re spending time with me. No ands ifs or buts,” he decided with a smile, throwing a wink at Bill. 

Everyone dug into their food after that and the topic was changed, the conversation enthusing along the lines of their plans for how to spend the day tomorrow and the rest of the week. 

With Beverly excited about morning yoga near the lake, Richie considered joining until he heard what time she was waking up and said he was better off sleeping in, Eddie quickly agreeing. Mike was discussing going fishing off the dock with Stan, which had somehow turned into Richie piping up again with some vulgar joke connecting a fish hook to a hooker. Stan kicked him under the table, some laughing as most groaned and chastised him. 

“Beep, fucking, beep.”

It wasn’t until desert that the attention turned back to Eddie, as Beverly wagged her fork at them and spoke through a mouthful of cake. “So, how did you two even meet?” 

Eddie thought that question was safe enough to answer, so he spoke up before Richie could. “Well, Richie and I live on the same floor at college. His dorm is right across the hall from mine.” He unintentionally leaned closer to the boy next to him as he spoke and straightened when he realized what he was doing. 

Richie hummed, reaching up to brush a curl of Eddie’s hair out of his eyes. “It started with just passing each other in the hallway early first semester, and I thought, holy shit, look at this kid! Eddie’s fucking hot--” 

The table laughed, all but Went Tozier, who Eddie could see glaring at Richie from the corner of his eye. Richie seemed unaffected.

“And then, we were both at this crowded pregame down the hall, and somehow I ended up falling into his lap,” Richie said, looking around the table. “I know right! Me? Falling? How fucking ridiculous!”

Stan snorted. There were a lot of rolling eyes, soft laughs and shaking heads. 

“Language, Richard,” Maggie chastised softly.

Richie looked at Eddie, making the other boy flush, eyes sparkling as he continued, “And when I’d realized it was Eddie’s lap that I had fallen into- I don’t know, I felt like it was the world’s way of telling me we had to be together. And staring down into those blue eyes, I knew this was the guy that was going to make me a happy man.” His voice was soft, and honest, and for a moment Eddie forgot they were sitting at a table full of people. 

Eddie had stopped breathing, his gaze locked with Richie’s, because wasn’t that the truth? Richie _had_ fallen into his lap, and Eddie had looked up into his eyes, and in that moment, he was pretty damn happy despite how his night was going otherwise. 

Richie chuckled, looking back to Bev across the table. “So, I asked him out and after a whole lot of convincing, he said yes.” 

_No,_ this wasn’t real. They were faking it. Richie was just a good liar.

“Aww,” Bev, Ben and Mike cooed, believing him, just as Eddie almost had. 

Then, Richie’s hand was on Eddie’s chin, turning his face slowly to face his, and as their gazes locked again, Eddie knew this was it. He felt the current- the heat between them and as Richie brought his other hand up to cup Eddie’s face softly, he knew he would kiss him. And Eddie knew it would ruin him. 

But, that didn’t stop Richie from bringing his hand up to Eddie’s neck, leaning in like their lips were magnets, and the soft gasp he took before their mouths pressed together. 

It was nothing like the peck in the airplane. It was nothing like any kiss Eddie had ever experienced. 

Their lips parted, slotting together, pushing against each other, soft and kind, like they’d done this many times before. It felt like seconds, minutes, hours, their lips fitting together, molding together, Eddie’s fingers pushing into the skin on the back of Richie’s neck, Richie’s dancing along his jaw. 

The tip of Richie’s tongue traced his bottom lip, and then he was pulling back slowly, too soon, Eddie’s head swimming as his eyes fluttered back open hazily and Richie was already staring at him behind those glasses, lips just inches apart in reaching distance. Eddie was on fire. 

Richie smiled, crooked and alive, and he leaned in again, for another quick kiss, a swift heated brush of his lips against Eddie’s before he pulled back altogether, leaning back in his chair. 

Eddie wondered if he also felt that spark. 

It took a second for Eddie to find his breath again, to remember they had an audience watching them. 

Bill snorted. 

Bev and Ben were giggling. 

Mike was groaning dramatically and covering his eyes. “Dude, I’m eating.” 

Stan looked... _disbelieving?_

Wentworth pushed away from the table abruptly and cleared his plate, stalking inside without a word. 

Eddie was buzzing too much to care.

The way Richie was smirking said he didn’t either. 

\--

When late evening set in and Maggie was cleaning up the kitchen, and Went hadn’t reappeared since dinner, and Bev, Ben and Mike were off looking at stars, and Bill and Stan were playing video games in the living room, Richie decided they would call it a night and head upstairs to their room. 

After thanking Maggie once again for dinner and saying goodnight, Eddie followed Richie back near the front door to retrieve their bags before trailing him up the staircase. They walked quietly, down a wide hallway until Richie opened a door and they turned into a room, flicking on the lights. 

The bedroom was vast, yet simple, reminding Eddie of an expensive hotel room, grey-blue walls with a queen-sized bed and a fluffy white duvet, a couple abstract paintings hung around the room. There were two doors pulled shut that Eddie guessed led to a closet, and then an open door leading to the bathroom. Straight ahead was a sliding glass door, heavy curtains pulled back to reveal the white balcony out looking the lake. Nothing about the room screamed Richie. He wondered what his real bedroom looked like. He assumed nothing like this.

Richie closed the door to the room soundly behind them and cleared his throat. 

“If we don’t sleep in the same room, it will look suspicious... but uh- I can sleep on the floor if you aren’t comfortable sharing the bed.” 

Eddie drew his bottom lip between his teeth, stifling a smile, still looking out at the balcony. Why did Richie suddenly sound... _nervous?_

“I don’t mind sharing a bed if you don’t,” Eddie said, turning to where the other boy was setting his duffle down on the comforter and unzipping it. 

Richie let out a relieved sigh and looked over his shoulder, smiling at Eddie, that confidence back. “Phew, that floor is hard as a rock. Trust me- I’ve passed out drunk too many times on it, I’d know.” 

Eddie raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “Just keep to your side, Tozier.”

Richie laughed, digging through his bag. “Yes, sir.”

Eddie’s stomach fluttered. 

They took turns using the bathroom and changing out into clothes to sleep in, Eddie adverting his eyes when Richie stood shirtless in front of him before tugging on a holey t-shirt. 

This boy was going to be the death of him. 

“Do you have a side preference spaghetti head?” Richie asked as they both stood awkwardly in front of the bed, the room relatively dark except for the glow of the lamp on the bedside table. 

Eddie shook his head and Richie hummed, giving a shrug and starting for the bed. 

Richie ended up on the left side and Eddie on the right, both pulling back the covers and climbing in beside each other, leaving half a foot of space between them. 

Eddie settled on his back and Richie reached over to turn off the lamp, dark settling in the room as he turned and laid down, pulling the duvet back around them. 

It was quiet for a couple minutes, Eddie blinking up at the ceiling, before Richie’s rough voice broke the silence. 

“It wasn’t too bad today, was it?” 

Eddie paused for a moment, before he turned on his side to face Richie, eyes adjusting in the dark to make out the shape of the other boy’s face, who was still wearing his glasses. 

“Not for me,” Eddie admitted. “But, what about you?”

There was a pause before Richie said quietly, unconvincingly, “It was fine.” 

Eddie watched the other boy, looking so small suddenly, all soft and curled up in bed, the front he put on during the day no longer present, and Eddie felt the urge to close the short distance between them and fold his arms around him, and tell him that yes, his father’s a prick, but it’ll be okay, because Richie was brave and worthy of whatever life he wanted to live without anyone trying to control him. And if he couldn’t always be strong, that was okay, too. 

But, he didn’t. Instead Eddie just said, “It’s okay if it wasn’t,” and hoped that was enough, hoped Richie knew he meant all the words he left unsaid. 

Eddie saw the curve of his smile, before Richie whispered, “I really hate my dad.” 

Eddie nodded, mirroring his small sad smile. “I think I really hate him, too.” 

Richie huffed a laugh, turning onto his back. “I’m pretty sure I picked the best boyfriend out there.” 

Eddie blushed, hiding it against his pillow, closing his eyes. _Of course he did._

“Thank you,” Richie whispered, pulling his glasses from his face and rubbing his eyes, sounding so honest and genuine for once. “For doing this.” 

Eddie smiled, sleepy. “Goodnight, Richie.”

“Night, Eds.” 

And when Richie’s long arms somehow ended up wrapped around him deep in sleep, Eddie unconsciously cuddled closer.


	3. Kids

Eddie slowly drifted awake the next morning, too comfortable and warm to want to wake up, but he finally blinked open his eyes when he remembered where he was spending spring break. 

The birds were chirping outside, the sun was filtering through the cracks in the blinds of the balcony’s door, and there was a warm body curled around him underneath the comforter. 

Eddie’s heartbeat sped up at the feeling of an arm tucked securely around his stomach, long legs bent up to press against his, a warm even breath ghosting the back of his neck. 

Richie was _spooning_ him. 

Eddie’s breath caught, wondering when in the middle of the night they’d ended up in this position, Richie holding him, leaving Eddie so snug and relaxed and never wanting to get out of bed, despite the shiver now running up and down his spine. 

He turned his head slowly, risking a careful glance over his shoulder, and letting out a sigh of relief when he realized the other boy was still sleeping. 

Richie looked peaceful. His face was pressed to the pillow and nose against Eddie’s skin, hair sticking up in wild tufts, t-shirt twisted from sleep and exposing unnecessary pale skin around his collarbone. 

Eddie smiled to himself, watching the boy sleep soundly, thinking about how fucking cute he was laying there, albeit probably because he wasn’t talking.

Eddie wanted nothing more than to stay in bed and cuddle with Richie for as long as he could, for as long as he had this gift before Richie woke up and realized what he was doing.

But, he figured it was probably a blessing that he had woken up first. 

Now, he could sneak out of bed and avoid facing Richie when he finally stirred and found himself wrapped around Eddie. He could dodge the awkwardness of the situation, because there was no way Richie had a clue he was holding him in his sleep. It must have just happened. 

And Eddie could try and pretend it didn’t for the sake of the rest of spring break. 

He let himself lay there under Richie’s touch for another moment, relishing the warm feeling while he still had it, before he carefully picked up Richie’s arm and reluctantly slid out from his hold. 

He pulled the duvet back up around Richie’s shoulders, the heavy sleeper barely even rousing at the shift in the bed as Eddie got up and headed for the bathroom. 

A hot shower helped clear his mind and calm his body. He had a whole day ahead of him and he couldn’t get clouded with thoughts of Richie quite so soon. 

After getting dressed, Eddie debated what he should do as Richie was still fast asleep and it was already ten thirty, but he knew he couldn’t stay in the bedroom and watch the other boy sleep much longer. Not just because it was creepy, but also because it was making his mind run wild, which was what he was strictly trying to avoid at the moment due to waking up in Richie’s embrace. 

He _could_ wake him, but the last thing Eddie wanted to do was interrupt Richie’s slumber, especially when he looked so soft and quiet curled in bed, which was a rare state for Richie Tozier. 

So, Eddie headed downstairs, finding Maggie in the kitchen and breakfast set out on the countertop. 

“Good morning,” Maggie smiled up from where she was tapping off her half a glass full of orange juice with a bottle of champagne. 

“Good morning.”

“There’s breakfast on the counter. Help yourself... Is Richie still sleeping?” 

Eddie looked from the assortment of fruit and baked goods spread out on the island counter back to Maggie with a sheepish smile. “Yeah, I didn’t want to wake him.” 

“He’s lazy, isn’t he?” she teased, shaking her head lightly in amusement before taking a sip of her mimosa. “I knew letting him pick all afternoon classes would only result in him sleeping the days away.” 

Eddie chuckled. He should have known Richie wasn’t a morning person. “I’ve gotten used to it,” he said. “My roommate is the exact same way.” 

“So are Stan and Bill. But, luckily the others are up, or else this house would be way too quiet in the mornings.” 

Eddie busied himself with making a plate of food and sitting down at the counter to eat it, as Maggie asked him about school, his family, what he wanted to do after college. The conversation didn’t feel forced, and Eddie felt himself actually enjoying the company of Richie’s mom, getting to know her as she got to know him. She was sweet and enthusiastic and never left a lagging moment as she drank her mimosa and cleaned up the kitchen. 

But, Eddie kept Richie’s words in the back of his mind, reminding himself that there was something false about her, something dimmer behind the pretense. She was always pretending to be someone she’s not. 

Eddie had just cleared his plate when Richie trudged into the room, rubbing at his bleary eyes under his glasses and clad in just boxers and a t-shirt, hair a ruffled mess. 

Eddie took note that he’d taken off the gym shorts he’d slept in and tried not to look at the extra inches of pale skin now revealed on his thighs. 

“Morning, baby,” Richie mumbled, voice groggy from sleep and Eddie smiled, thinking that could easily be something he got used to. Richie kissed his forehead. 

“Good morning. Sleep well?” Eddie asked, looking up at him, and Richie hummed, leaning in to kiss his lips. Eddie’s heart pounded in response. 

“Did you?” Richie asked, running his hand through the back of Eddie’s damp hair and down his neck. 

Eddie nodded, thinking about the way Richie had been holding him in bed. He’d never slept better. 

“Are you planning on sleeping all of vacation, Richie?” Maggie asked lightly, once Richie had moved away from Eddie to make himself a cup of coffee.

“It’s barely half past eleven, Mother. This is early for me,” he drawled and Eddie smiled at his grumpy expression.

Richie moved to grab a bagel off the counter and took a bite out of it dry, chewing before continuing. “The only reason I got up was because I realized he left the bed,” he cocked his head in Eddie’s direction. “And I had to make sure you weren’t down here eating him alive.” 

Maggie laughed, shaking her head. “Oh, Richard.” 

Richie’s voice sounded joking, but Eddie wasn’t so sure with the significant look he gave him. If Eddie had to guess, he’d say those brown eyes were trying to read him, make sure he’s okay. 

Eddie offered what he hoped was a convincing smile. He felt warm all over, thinking about how Richie had gotten out of bed just to check on him. 

“We were just chatting, honey,” Maggie said. “Anyways, you’re lucky I stopped your father from waking you up earlier. He wants to take you golfing with some of his work buddies that are visiting today.” 

Richie turned to look at his mother with furrowed eyebrows and confusion. “Sorry- he wants to what?”

“Yes, you haven’t been to the golf course with your father in so long. It will be good father and son bonding time.” 

“I’m sorry, are we talking about the same father here? About yea tall, gray hair, would rather gouge his eyes out than spend quality time with his son?” Richie asked incredulously.

“Yes, Richie. Enough. That’s not true,” Maggie sighed loudly.

Richie snorted. “I’m not going.” 

Eddie watched the exchange, watched Mrs. Tozier feign surprise. “Of course you are. Your dad really wants to spend time with you.” 

“Yeah, I’m sure he does.” The sarcasm was thick rolling off his tongue, and he wasn’t meeting Eddie’s eyes, taking another bite of bagel and washing it down with coffee. “I’m spending the day with Eddie... and Eddie doesn’t know how to golf.” 

_Well,_ he wasn’t wrong about that. 

“I’m sure Eddie will be fine hanging out here today with your friends. We can all relax by the pool for a couple hours while you’re gone.” Maggie’s voice was still bright like there was no problem, and Eddie felt a little bit resentful with the way she was ignoring the situation. She nodded at Eddie encouragingly. 

Eddie smiled weakly, having no place to get in the middle of this. He wasn’t really the boyfriend here, and even if he was, this was Richie’s decision. 

“You’ll behave and have a good time, Richie,” she said when she got no response from either of them. 

Richie tossed his half-eaten bagel in the trash, glaring at his mother before he crossed the room and slid open the back door, walking outside and leaving it open behind him. Eddie assumed he was supposed to follow. 

“Oh, dear,” Maggie sighed, and Eddie gave her a sad look as he slid out of his chair at the counter and followed Richie outside, sliding the door closed after him. 

Richie was standing a few steps in front of him and holding out his hand for Eddie to take. 

Eddie reached for it, lacing their fingers together and falling into stroll beside him as they headed across the patio. He could see a few of the others on the grass hill in the distance, practicing yoga in front of the lake. 

Richie still wasn’t looking at him, expression unreadable, and Eddie’s heart throbbed. He looked down at their intertwined fingers before deciding to squeeze his hand. 

Richie looked at him and his face softened significantly, lips curving up in a small smile. 

“I didn’t know if you wanted me to speak up in there,” Eddie started, and Richie nodded, understanding. 

“Probably best you didn’t. I don’t want you getting on their bad side.” 

Richie’s voice was indifferent, but Eddie wondered how much weight those words actually held. 

“Anyways, I know it’s stupid, but the reason I’m so against going is because it’s never _just_ a game of golf,” Richie explained, voice gravelly as he ran his free hand through his messy hair and straightened his glasses. He cleared his throat. “I mean- my father has no interest spending quality time with me. It’s always mind games with him. He doesn’t give a shit about me or what I do unless he thinks it’s affecting him.” Richie looked away, back to the lake as they passed by the pool. “Plus if he knew anything about me, he’d know I fucking hate golf.” Eddie watched his Adam’s apple bob in his throat as he swallowed. He looked back and tipped his head to the side. “Will you be okay if I’m gone for a little bit?” 

Eddie wanted to tell him it wasn’t stupid. That he shouldn’t have to go, that he shouldn’t be forced to spend time with his father if he didn’t want to, that he’d fight them to let him stay, that sometimes his mother acted in a very similar way. But, Eddie only nodded, smiling and running the pad of his thumb reassuringly across Richie’s hand. 

Richie only returned the smile. 

They were headed towards the three that were spread out on yoga mats on the slope of grass leading down to the water, Bev leading Mike and Ben to hold some pose that Eddie thought looked slightly ridiculous, their asses sticking up in the air. He could tell the boys were only participating just to humor her. 

As they got closer, he looked at Richie who was staring ahead now, bottom lip between his teeth and eyes unwavering. Eddie followed his line of sight directly to what he assumed was Bev’s ass and he rolled his eyes. Of course Richie was checking her out. That shouldn’t surprise him. He was just like every other college boy. 

It still stung a little. 

Ben broke first, hearing them approach and falling to sit cross-legged on the purple mat. His face scrunched up as he said, “Jesus, Rich, why don’t you put on pants before coming outside.” 

Unsurprisingly, that immediately resulted in Beverly giggling, falling out of her pose to look over. Eddie tried to ignore the pang of jealousy. She was his best friend, that’s all. Mike sighed lightly and sat down. 

Richie blinked out of it, glancing down as his boxers, unfazed. “Yeah, I bolted from the house pretty quickly, so...” 

Bev’s eyes widened. “Oh. Guess you heard about your little golf outing?” She sounded amused. 

“Shut up, Bevvie.” 

Bev held up her hands in surrender. 

“I don’t see what the big deal is, Richie. He’s trying to spend time with you. You should just give it a chance. Nobody wants to listen to you both scream at each other all week,” Mike said casually.

“No one was screaming last night,” Richie snipped. 

“Only because your dad locked himself in his office after dinner.” 

“Jesus, you sound just like Stanley.” Richie rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Can you guys take care of Eddie while I’m gone? Make sure he’s having fun and not bored out of his mind the whole time?” 

Bev grinned at Eddie, eyebrows lifting in excitement, before looking back at Richie. “What, you really think he’s incapable of having fun if you’re not around?” she teased him. 

Richie dropped his hand to wrap his arm around Eddie’s waist instead, pulling him against him, hand sliding down his side and around till it was gripping the front of his thigh. “No, but it does put a bummer on things.” He winked at Beverly. 

Eddie tried not to squirm. 

“Ew, don’t be gross!” Bev tossed her water bottle at him and Richie let go as he laughed, batting it away. 

Eddie choked out a chuckle, face blushing. 

“Of course we’ll keep Eddie good company. We were planning on swimming and hanging out by the pool?” Ben spoke up over the nonsense, looking to Eddie with a friendly smile and raised eyebrows in question. 

Eddie tried to compose himself and nodded. “Yeah, that sounds good.” He turned to Richie who was already looking at him with that bright toothy grin. He had to play the act. “See, I’ll be fine, baby.” 

Richie took a step forward, right in his space again, leaning forward to brush his nose against his. “You know I worry about you,” he said, voice low and husky, hands sliding up slightly from his waist and taking his shirt with it, so they were resting on the bare skin of his torso. 

Richie’s hands were heavy, _and_ burning, and Eddie was barely breathing. 

Then, Richie was kissing him again, moving his lips against his softly, but with purpose. Eddie’s hands grabbed ahold of Richie’s waist to keep himself steady as their lips continued tugging together. He certainly wasn’t going to be the first one to break the kissing.

“Oh my god, go make out somewhere else, so we can finish yoga,” Bev complained, but it was barely audible over the sound of Eddie’s heart pounding in his ears. 

“No! No more yoga, please Bev!” Mike said, laughing. “My thighs burn!”

Richie pulled off of sucking on Eddie’s bottom lip with a laugh and looked as his friends. “Okay, okay, we’ll leave you to it. Just take care of my boy while I’m gone later, alright?”

_My boy._

Eddie was breathing a little heavy now, and his head was swirling from the kisses, and Richie took his hand to lead him back towards the house. 

“Yeah, yeah, we will,” Ben promised. 

“Bye, Richie!” Bev called after them as they walked away. 

Richie put some distance between them and his friends before he was shaking Eddie’s hand lightly to get his attention, _like he didn’t already have it_. “Hey, I think you might be better at this than I am, Eddie spaghetti!” 

Eddie looked over at him, meeting his smile with a confused quirk of his eyebrow. “Hm?”

“Pretending to be my boyfriend?” Richie swung their still intertwined hands, knocking them into Eddie’s leg. “You’re really convincing, better than me maybe... and trust me, I’ve had loads of practice lying to my family.” He smiled. “I mean, you -- they don’t just believe we’re dating... they believe we’re _in love._ ” 

_Maybe that’s because it’s not acting._

Eddie chewed on his lip, ignoring the bitter taste in his mouth, and wiping that thought from his mind the second it entered. 

Instead, he looked at those glowing four eyes, and he didn’t know what to say. Every thought running through his head currently was not something he should say aloud if he ever wanted to keep his dignity intact. 

“So, thank you,” Richie said, grinning. “I guess we make a pretty great team.” 

Eddie blinked at him and then he chuckled, nervously, smiling and looking away to save himself. “Yeah, I guess so.” 

When they reentered the house, Stan and Bill were lounging on the couch in the living room watching TV and Wentworth was setting a bag with a full set of golf clubs down against the wall of the hallway leading into the kitchen. 

“Richard,” his father appraised immediately once Eddie had slid the glass door shut behind them, and Richie gripped his hand tighter. “Hurry up. Go get dressed.” 

Richie looked numbly at his father for a moment. Then he turned to Eddie and nodded, picking his hand up and pressing a kiss to his knuckles before letting go. 

Eddie watched him slip by his father to disappear through the hallway. When he looked to Mr. Tozier, he found the man already staring back and Eddie visibly flinched. He quickly looked away, hoping he didn’t try to speak to him, and headed into the living room to plop down on the leather couch next to Bill. 

When Richie returned twenty minutes later, freshly showered and dressed, he came around the couch to say goodbye to Eddie. 

Feeling the presence of his father standing at the edge of the room, both boys drew out their parting kiss, with lingering lips and wandering hands, until Went cleared his throat roughly and Richie sighed and pulled away. 

“I’ll see you later,” Richie said, leaning in to give him another peck on the lips before pushing up from the couch, throwing a salute in Bill’s and Stan’s direction and following his father out of the room. 

Eddie was still catching his breath when he looked at the other boys. Bill was smirking and shaking his head, eyes glued on the TV. 

“Richie likes to put on quite the show, doesn’t he?” Stan observed, not sparing him a glance.

Eddie swallowed, eyes growing wide and finding his voice a tad too late. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“ _Sure_ you don’t.” 

Eddie looked back to the TV, choosing to ignore his comment, although there was an uneasy feeling settling in his gut. Because if Stan and Bill knew they were faking it, and the rest of the family knew they were faking it, then the whole thing would be called off. 

These were some of Richie’s _best_ friends, though, and therefore probably the hardest ones to trust that Richie was suddenly into dudes. If Stan really suspected anything, there was nothing Eddie could do about it until Richie returned home. 

\--

Eddie spent the day by the pool with the boys and Bev. It was casual, the six of them laying out in loungers, talking about high school memories and college experiences that Eddie sometimes joined in on. Thankfully, there were no questions directed at him that he couldn’t answer, and he even learned a little more about Richie when the group dropped his name every now and then and Eddie would just smile and nod and act like he had already heard the wild stories they shared about the trashmouth. 

The group was a lot of fun. Bev and Ben reminded him a lot of home, and even Bill and Mike were entertaining, doing flips into the pool. Stan was quiet and a little harder to read. Eddie surprisingly found himself enjoying the day with them, despite Richie’s absence, and thought that maybe this week would be all the better now that he’d made friends with the five of them. 

It was late in the afternoon when Richie finally emerged from the house, approaching the pool looking tense and off and shaken up. His fingers were fidgeting by his legs and his eyes were dark and unreadable, his lips slightly pursed. 

The light conversation happening immediately trailed off as he came to stand by the pool, everyone looking to him, but Richie seemed keen on staring at nothing in particular instead. 

Eddie stared at him, wide eyed, wishing he could hear what was going on in the other boy’s head, figure out what had happened in the past few hours that drained all the light out of him. 

Eddie felt sick. 

“How w-was it, man?” Bill asked, nearly wincing as he realized what a stupid question that was, and Bev reached over to smack his arm. 

Richie closed his eyes and when he opened them, there seemed to be a little resolve in his expression, and he said with a nod of his head, “Let’s all get drunk tonight.” 

The atmosphere lightened significantly at that comment, like that was a normal response for Richie, and Beverly’s face grew into a huge grin. “Party on the patio?” 

“You know it, Bevvie.” 

Stan and Ben clapped hands with each other and Mike chuckled before standing up to pat Richie on the shoulder. “Now, that’s more like it.” 

Richie smiled, but it looked forced and didn’t meet his eyes and all Eddie wanted him to do was join him on the lounge chair like yesterday, so he could wrap him up in his arms and hold him tight. 

But, when Richie finally met his gaze all he said was, “Walk with me down by the lake?” 

Eddie nodded, and Richie smiled a little more genuine and that helped ease Eddie’s worries slightly. 

He stood up and Richie took his hand and led him away from the group who were now planning what to drink tonight. They were both quiet as they strolled past the pool and down the grassy hill and onto the rocky beach, where the only sound was the water lapping at the edge of the white rocks. 

Eddie hadn’t been down to the lake, yet, and it was all the more magical up close where all he saw was the wide stretch of blue water, the horizon in the distance where the orange sun was starting to set, and of course Richie’s profile beside him. His mother’s voice was distant in his ear. _Think about all the bacteria living inside of a lake!_

He was more likely thinking about all the bacteria living inside of Richie’s mouth.

They walked along the shore, heading towards one of the smooth docks leading out into the lake, the one without the boats. They stepped onto the wooden planks, walking down it still hand in hand, feeling the light breeze pass over them. Richie was silent, _unusually_ silent.

The quiet was nice and comfortable, but Eddie still felt that tension clinging to the other boy, making him feel just as uneasy and wondering if he should say something. 

“How was it today?” Richie asked first, finally breaking the silence as they both stared out at the water. 

“Um- it was good. We just hung out by the pool. Your friends are a lot of fun to talk to and all of them were very entertaining,” Eddie rambled and nodded. “I had a good time.” 

Richie looked over at him and smiled. “I’m glad. Should I give them an A+ for treating my boyfriend then?” 

Eddie smiled and looked down to hide his blush. “Yeah, I think so.” 

They reached the end of the dock and Richie let go of his hand then, dropping to sit cross-legged on the wood. Eddie stared at him for a moment before following suit and sitting down next to him. 

The comforting silence fell between them again, both wrapped up in their own thoughts, and this time Eddie was the one to break it first, remembering what he actually _needed_ to tell Richie. “Um- I had a strange conversation with Stan earlier.” 

Richie hummed, glancing at him before looking back to the water lapping at the wooden stilts holding the dock. “Conversations with Stan are _always_ strange.” 

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh at that. “No, I mean... I think he suspects we aren’t really together.” 

Richie looked at him for real now, honest brown eyes landing on him as he asked, “Why do you think so?” 

“No- he just- he made it seem like he _knew_ that we’re pretending.” 

Richie gazed back out at the lake, breeze blowing a thick curl of hair across his forehead, and Eddie’s fingers itched to brush it back. Richie shifted, digging his hand into the front pocket of his ripped shorts, and Eddie wasn’t really surprised when he pulled out a blunt and a lighter. 

He twirled the blunt between his fingers, considering. “Stan’s known me the longest out of all of them. He knows me better than anyone else. I’m not really surprised he suspects something.” 

Eddie watched Richie stick the blunt between his lips and lean forward to light it. He drew from it, holding in the smoke before tipping his head up and blowing it out above him. The smoke lingered in the air before being carried away by the breeze. Eddie’s eyes were on Richie’s lips.

“The thing with Stan is, he’s fucking smart as a whip. He reads through bullshit. The kid knows I’m lying before I even know it myself,” Richie said before taking another hit.

“I’m not really worried, though,” Richie talked through a mouthful of smoke. “Stan would never say anything to my parents about it. He’ll probably just try to talk me out of it.” Richie’s eyes flickered to Eddie and he held out the blunt in offering. 

Eddie stared at it for a long moment and then he took it with tentative fingers, taking a small drag and resisting the immediate urge to cough as he blew out smoke. He rarely smoked at college, meanwhile Richie constantly reeked of cigarettes even though he’d yet to see a pack. Eddie thought he might be smoking them in the bathroom.

As he handed back the blunt, he met Richie’s amused expression and quickly looked away. 

He selfishly wished Stan wouldn’t be able to talk Richie out of it. 

After a while of passing the blunt back and forth between them, letting the weed reach their lungs and leave the atmosphere a little lighter, Eddie finally grew the confidence to broach the subject that had been weighing on his mind ever since Richie had returned from spending the day with his father. 

He looked at Richie who was staring at his knees that he had brought up to his chest, eyebrows furrowed, distracted by whatever storm was going on in his mind at the moment. It made Eddie sad. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

He expected Richie to play dumb and ask what, but the other boy just looked at him and understood. “No, not really,” he said quietly. He stubbed the end of the blunt out against the dock and then flicked it into the water. Then, the corner of his mouth tipped up in a small smile. “Will you distract me instead?” 

“Distract you?” Eddie asked, unsure. 

“Yeah, just talk about something. Anything.” 

And so, Eddie did. 

He talked about himself. He talked about the quarry his parents used to bring him to when he was younger, before his dad died and his mother got crazy. He talked about his overbearing mom, how he’d ditched her for spring break, and she still hadn’t forgiven him completely. He talked about the obnoxious Snapchats he’d received from his roommate, Vic, this morning, and his other friends, who were all drunk in Miami. He talked about how much their RA pissed him off and how she was constantly up his ass because their dorm room always had that faint smell of weed, courtesy of Victor. 

And Richie listened. 

He watched Eddie and he hung onto his every word and he laughed with him and he asked him questions. And the conversation was light, but it also _wasn’t._ Their eyes lingered on each other for moments too long, and they were sitting close enough that their knees sometimes brushed against each other’s, and despite only really knowing Richie for a couple days, Eddie felt like he’d known him _forever._

And maybe it _was_ just the weed. Maybe Eddie was just imagining that they had this instant connection with one another that made spending time like this feel so- so _easy._

But, Eddie didn’t care. Because this feeling right now, this feeling of warmth and understanding and security between them, Eddie wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

And with the way Richie was looking at him, with those glazed, sparkling eyes that made his heart try to beat its way out of his chest, Eddie thought that maybe, just maybe, he could feel the same way. 

“Hey, love birds!” Stan called, voice far away, breaking their attention from one another. “Dinner’s almost ready!” 

Richie broke Eddie’s eye contact then with a huff of laughter, looking over his shoulder, and Eddie glanced back, too, back at the shore where Stan was standing on the rocky beach. 

“Shit- we’ll be there in a second!” Richie yelled, then he was looking back at Eddie and his voice was much quieter when he said, “Kiss me.” 

And Eddie did. Without second thought, without thinking that this was only because Stan was watching them, without thinking about the repercussions of kissing Richie when he had such strong feelings for him. He cupped the back of his neck and leaned in and kissed him, soft and warmhearted, and Richie brought his hand up to trail along Eddie’s cheek tenderly, before they pulled away slowly and looked into each other’s eyes and just smiled. 

They stood up from the dock and headed back up towards the house to join his family for dinner. 

Went Tozier was oddly absent from the table, and nobody commented on it. 

\--

A few hours after dinner, the sun had long set over the lake and the temperature had cooled just a little, making for the perfect night to spend outdoors. Eddie was hanging out on the patio with the rest of the group while Richie and Stan rummaged around, trying to set up a table outside for beer pong, but it seemed like they were more just goofing off. 

Eddie was relieved to see the light had returned to Richie’s eyes along with that bright smile ever since they talked on the dock. Seeing Richie enjoying himself and cracking stupid jokes again made Eddie happy, and even if this calm was just for now, he’d still savor it. 

Eddie watched him from where he stood behind the outdoor bar with the other four. Bev had the bright idea to get the blender out and started mixing frozen drinks with copious amounts of tequila in them, and Ben was slicing limes. 

The boys had finally figured out how to open the card table with verbal help from Mike, and now Richie was winding up his arm and chucking a ping pong ball at Stan, both of them curling over in laughter as Stan unsuccessfully dodged it, and the sound of Richie’s laugh made Eddie smile fondly. Stan swore lovingly at him. 

“F-fucking idiots,” Bill observed, shaking his head and smiling where he stood next to Eddie. 

Once the laughter had subsided, Richie and Stan joined the rest of them by the bar, Richie leaning his hands onto the marble surface and tapping them in a beat. 

“What’re we drinking, fellas?” he asked, with that toothy smile and a wink in Eddie’s direction when he caught the other boy staring. 

“Margaritas,” Bev told him, tossing a sliced lime at him that landed on the counter after bouncing off his arm. 

Richie scrunched up his face, unimpressed. He leaned around the bar, opening and closing a couple cabinets underneath before pulling out a sleeve of plastic red shot glasses. He, then, snagged the bottle of tequila that Bev tried to make a grab for to stop him, but she wasn’t quite quick enough. 

Richie set up seven of the miniature cups in a line and declared, “Shots, who’s in?” 

Bill and Bev agreed enthusiastically, as well as Stan with a little hesitation. Ben and Mike declined politely, saying they planned on sticking to beer. 

“Eds?” Richie asked, looking at him with raised eyebrows and a smile that made Eddie feel drunk already, even though he’d only had one beer with dinner. “You in?” 

Eddie looked at him, internally weighing the pros and cons of drinking hard liquor tonight. He didn’t think he trusted himself to not speak or act on his feelings in an intoxicated state. But, honestly at this point, with Richie looking at him like that, what did he have to lose? 

_Everything._

“I’m in,” Eddie said with a short nod, and he didn’t miss the way Richie’s grin grew wider. 

Richie poured the shots, filling them to the brim before distributing them out to everyone sans Mike and Ben. 

“To spring break,” he cheered, raising his shot glass and everyone did the same, tapping them together over the bar counter before drinking. 

Richie locked eyes with Eddie, a spark between them, and they both tipped the liquor back. 

Eddie’s face scrunched up at the burn. Bev and Stan chased with margarita mix, fighting over the bottle, and Bill was shaking his head and making a sound past the taste of tequila. Of course Richie appeared completely unfazed, already pouring another round. 

And so, one shot, quickly became two, which turned into three. And Eddie lost count after the fourth. 

Maybe it wasn’t the brightest idea to get drunk. But, there was no turning back now. 

_Do you slide on all your nights like this?_

Richie was swaying beside him to the music blaring out of the outdoor speakers, one arm wrapped around Eddie’s waist, the other holding a bottle of whiskey that he was religiously drinking from. 

Richie was wasted, but _weren’t they all?_

They were watching Bev and Mike destroy Bill and Stan in a game of beer pong. Bill and Stan were already down to their last cup and Ben was announcing the entire thing dramatically like it was the fucking Superbowl. It hadn’t even been a very exciting game. 

Richie bumped their hips together and Eddie’s heart jumped. He looked away from Bev aiming the ping pong ball, over to the other boy who was turned towards him now, mouthing the words to the song with a lopsided grin, setting the bottle of whiskey down on the table. 

_Do you try on all your nights like this? I might._

Eddie laughed, watching Richie bob his head of hair and make stupid hand gestures to the music, eyebrows raised at him, serenading him. He clearly didn’t know all the words. 

Bev sunk the ball and her and Mike erupted in cheers, Stan grumbling and Bill claiming it was his fault they lost. Ben called them sore losers. 

Richie held all of Eddie’s attention, though. Eddie’s eyes were glued to him dancing ridiculously in front of him, lit up in amusement at the sight. 

The song changed, and it became even worse. _Or better._

“I love this song!” Beverly squealed. 

_Something about us is freaking you out. You couldn’t turn back if it took you one day too far._

Richie pointed at his chest dramatically, mouthing all of the words, and stepping closer to Eddie before singing the next line to him. 

_Like every kiss you placed on my mouth is a promise to me that you’ll always be my side._

Eddie gulped, eyes darkening. 

_Maybe it’s love, maybe it’s nothing, maybe three words or we must stop talking._

Richie patted his chest again, eyes flickering to Eddie’s lips and he opened his mouth, but before he could get the next line out, Eddie dragged him the rest of the way in by the back of his neck and kissed him. 

Richie stumbled at first, hands faltering to Eddie’s waist to catch himself, and then he was kissing back. It wasn’t soft and gentle anymore. It was mouths mushed together, sloppy kisses filled with lust and want, and Eddie’s head was spinning wild. 

Richie’s hands squeezed his waist and Eddie nearly moaned into his mouth, hands trailing up to grip strands of dark hair and tug on them. Their bodies were pressed together, _so close_ together, and there was electricity coursing through Eddie and he wasn’t sure he’d ever have this feeling again. 

_I’m not pretending. I wouldn’t mind._

Eddie kissed Richie like his world was about to explode. 

And Richie kissed him back, promising him it wouldn’t. 

_Baby, no pressure._

It had to be several minutes of kissing before the voices finally grew loud enough for Eddie to hear them over the music and his pounding heart. 

“Is this what you guys do at college parties? Get drunk and suck face?” Beverly crowed, the rest of the group laughing.

They pulled apart, lips smacking, and Eddie was gasping for air. Richie was looking at him, eyes hooded and lips shiny, but he was huffing in amusement, breath fanning against Eddie’s wet mouth. 

“Usually,” Richie told her shamelessly, still looking at Eddie with smoldering eyes and blown pupils. “Among other things,” he winked. _God_. 

Eddie was drunk. Richie was drunk. But, he _had_ to have felt that. There was no way he hadn’t. No matter the amount of alcohol swimming in his system, Eddie couldn’t make up the desire for one another they shared in that moment. 

It _wasn’t_ an act. 

Eddie inched to kiss him again. 

“Alright, enough making out,” Stan declared, stopping Eddie in his tracks. It was probably for the best, anyways. He was pretty drunk and none of this would make sense tomorrow. 

“Richie and Eddie versus me and Bill in beer pong. Right now,” Stan challenged and of course Richie stepped up to the table, tugging Eddie alongside him, starting to fill the red solo cups halfway with beer. 

“You don’t stand a chance, Stanley,” Richie scoffed across the table at his best friend, wrapping his arm around Eddie to pull him in and kiss the side of his face obnoxiously. 

In the end, Richie and Eddie won and they threw their arms around each other and kissed after every ball that landed in their opponent’s cup. 

\--

Things were a little blurry after beer pong. There was more drinking, more dancing, more laughing, more kissing. 

The next thing Eddie knew he was slumped over, vomiting into a toilet, forearms propping himself up shakily over the toilet seat, knees pressed into the cold tile floor. 

“It’s okay,” someone was saying. “You’re okay, Eds,” Richie was saying, his hand on Eddie’s back, running over his forehead, through his hair, up and down his spine. 

Eddie groaned and threw up some more, vomit burning his mouth and nose. There were tears stinging his eyes. It wasn’t pretty. 

When he thought it was over, Eddie weakly turned his head to the side and Richie was knelt right beside him, one arm holding him up, the other rubbing his back over his shirt. They were in the bathroom attached to their bedroom. 

Eddie caught Richie’s eyes, and he could tell the other boy’s vision was unfocused, a little hazy. “It’s okay. It’ll pass. You’ll feel much better soon,” Richie reassured him. 

“What happened?” Eddie croaked, because he had no recollection of how he got back upstairs to their bedroom. 

Richie smiled apologetically. “Too much tequila happened.” 

Eddie groaned and vomited into the toilet. Richie flushed it when he was done wrenching and wiped his face with a wet washcloth. 

He must have drifted off after emptying his stomach, because when he woke not long after, he was still on the floor leaning against the toilet. Richie was sitting next to him, propped against the wall with his long legs stretched out, staring at the floor as he continued tracing circles against Eddie’s back with his fingertips. 

Eddie shifted, grossed out by the taste of vomit and the germs on the toilet, and Richie’s eyes snapped to him as he sat up straighter. 

“Do you feel any better?” he asked, pulling his hand back. 

Eddie considered it and nodded. He was still drunk obviously, but he no longer felt dizzy or nauseous. Apparently throwing up _did_ make him feel better. “Yeah, much better,” he mumbled, pushing himself to stand up on wobbly legs. “Were you planning on letting me sleep here all night?” he teased. 

Richie laughed. “Well, I didn’t think I could manage carrying you to bed.” He stood up also. “Maybe when I’m sober, but definitely not tonight,” he said with a cheeky grin. 

Eddie grinned back. Then he noticed the empty pack of cigarettes Richie was plucking off the floor and stuffing in the pocket of his shorts. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“Why hide that you’re smoking cigarettes? I mean if you’re trying to piss off your parents anyways-”

Richie cut him off, eyebrows furrowing together. “I’m not hiding it from my parents,” he said, shaking his head. “They’ve known that I smoke since like middle school. They’ve long passed caring enough to try to get me to quit,” he chuckled dryly.

Eddie frowned lightly, confused. “Then, why?”

Richie bit his bottom lip and raised his eyebrows. “Vic told me you hate the smell of cigarettes,” he said casually, shrugging. “You don’t bitch as much when he smokes weed, but every time he lights a cigarette he says you freak the fuck out.”

Eddie’s scowl deepened as he considered what Richie had just said. The thing was, the smell of cigarettes didn’t bother him half as much when it was connected to Richie. Hell, he’d barely even thought about it. He _liked_ the smell of Richie.

Then, something else hit him. He squinted up at Richie, a small smile curling onto his lips. “You talked to Vic about me?”

Richie looked away sheepishly then, poking his tongue between his lips. He shrugged. “Maybe once or twice.”

Eddie’s smile grew wider. “You always reek of cigarettes by the way,” he said, brushing passed him towards the sink. “And it doesn’t bother me,” he added softly.

He saw Richie’s smile in the reflection of the bathroom mirror.

They brushed their teeth side by side, both looking in the mirror at each other and making each other laugh. Richie was bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, brushing his teeth dramatically, with white foam gathering in the corners of his lips. It was cute, and he was sticking out his tongue and making funny faces, and Eddie was laughing and making them back. He didn’t realize brushing his teeth while drunk could be this fun. Especially with Richie. 

Richie spat into the sink first and rinsed his mouth. He hopped onto the counter and sat facing Eddie, watching him and waiting for him to finish. Eddie was still trying to get rid of the taste of alcohol and vomit. 

He spat and splashed water on his mouth. He rinsed with mouthwash. Richie was still watching him as he straightened and shut off the tap and Eddie finally met his curious stare with a raise of his eyebrows. 

“What do you want?”

Richie reached over and trailed two fingers delicately over the pale skin along Eddie’s neck, leaving goose bumps behind. “Let me give you a hickey,” Richie said. 

Eddie’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “Um.” 

Richie looked away, down at the tiled floor, letting his hand drop back to grip the edge of the counter. “I mean, it would probably drive my parents crazy.” 

_It would drive Eddie crazy, too._ “Um- okay, sure.” Eddie felt his face heat up. 

Richie looked back at him, a little surprised. “Yeah?” 

Eddie shrugged. “Yeah, I don’t care.” _Of course_ , he cared. Richie wanted to suck his neck and leave a mark on his skin. The thought alone was driving him up the wall. 

“Are you sure?”

Eddie shrugged again, looking into glassy brown eyes. “I don’t mind.” 

There was a beat where they just stared at each other and then Richie hopped off the vanity and stood in front of Eddie, towering over him. He brought a warm hand to his neck and tilted Eddie’s head to the side gently, and then just like that, he was leaning in and connected his lips to Eddie’s flesh. 

It was soft at first, his open mouth tracing his skin, high enough so there was no way any shirt would cover it and a little to the left. He sucked lightly on the skin, tentatively, and then the suction increased, and Richie was moving his tongue against the skin to soothe it. 

It was _hot_ , and Eddie was sweating, and his breathing was coming out strangled and uneven, and he _prayed_ it wouldn’t last long enough to give him a boner. Because it felt _amazing_ and he never wanted Richie’s mouth off him. 

There was the graze of teeth, and Eddie felt the pulse of his vein in his neck, and then Richie swiped his tongue against the skin once more before pulling back. 

His eyes were on Eddie’s neck as he straightened, admiring his work, pressing his thumb into the mark, making it throb. 

Eddie turned to look at it in the mirror, and sure enough there was a dark reddish- purplish hickey on his neck in the shape of Richie’s mouth. He brushed his fingers against it and smiled. 

He loved it. 

“Looks good on you,” Richie said, winking at him in the mirror before leaving him alone in the bathroom. 

When his heart finally settled, Eddie got changed and joined him in bed. They were both passed out within minutes.


	4. Words Don't Sink

It wasn’t the usual; waking up slowly, letting closed eyelids adjust to the brightness before finally opening them, curling up further into the warmth of the comforter, meeting the morning at a lazy pace. 

It was jolting awake, body shuddering under the sheets, eyes darting open to the uncomfortable light, head pounding vigorously in his skull. 

It was waking up with an excruciating hangover. 

He met Richie’s gaze beside him, amusement flickering the other boy’s smile where he laid next to him in bed, above the comforter, hair damp from the shower and dressed in a tank top and swim trunks. He was turned on his side watching him. 

Eddie groaned, squinting his eyes shut, sinking his head further into the pillow. He didn’t need to look to know Richie’s smile grew wider. 

“Rough night, huh?” 

“Shut the fuck up,” Eddie groaned, covering his face with his hands, and Richie laughed loudly. 

“The tequila was probably a bad idea.” 

Eddie opened his eyes. “Don’t you dare say tequila,” he warned. “I’m never fucking drinking again.” 

Richie’s eyes crinkled at the corners. “That’s a big fat lie if I’ve ever heard one, spaghetti head.” 

“Ugh. Please be quiet.” Eddie rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. His head was making it hard for him to think clearly, slowly remembering the events of the past night. 

There had been kissing. _Lots_ of it.

“Guess what? We’re taking the boat out today,” Richie stage whispered to him. 

Eddie turned his head to look at him with a massive grimace, because he didn’t feel like leaving this bed at all today. 

Richie smiled and raised his eyebrows. “Take a shower shortie, and then you’ll feel better. I left you water and some Advil.” Richie gestured with his chin to the nightstand on the other side of Eddie. 

With the way his head ached, Eddie severely doubted he’d be feeling better any time soon. But, sure enough, there was a glass of water waiting for him with two pills and Eddie pushed up from the bed eagerly to swallow the ibuprofen and down the glass of water. 

Richie watched him, clearly entertained by his suffering, and Eddie turned to him skeptically. “How aren’t _you_ hung over?” 

Richie chuckled and sat up in bed, fixing his glasses. “Apparently I can handle my liquor much better than you can.” He tilted his head, thinking, before adding, “I also wasn’t the one barfing my fucking brains out last night.” 

Eddie had immediate flashbacks to hurling into the toilet and Richie right beside him, taking care of him. His face flushed in embarrassment and he panicked. “Shit- I’m sorry.” 

Richie laughed again. “Don’t even worry about it, Eds,” he said, shaking his head. “It happens.” Richie shrugged, indifferent. “Plus, you weren’t the only one that got sick. Bev said she heard Stan throwing up around four... although that’s not really surprising.” 

“Huh. Well, if there’s anyone to blame it’s probably yourself. You’re the one that kept pouring the shots,” Eddie said blatantly with a small smile. He was still mortified that he’d drunk himself sick. Usually he was the one taking care of his inebriated friends at parties, not the other way around. 

“Oh- so it’s _my_ fault everyone got shitfaced?” Richie asked with a winning grin, and Eddie just laughed, leaning back against the headboard. “In all fairness, I don’t even remember pouring the drinks.” 

That made Eddie’s stomach sink a little, remembering that Richie had been just as drunk as he was, or probably more. Maybe he also didn’t remember all the kissing and touching that happened outside, or at least he certainly hadn’t felt anything from it. 

Apparently, Richie was a better actor drunk than sober. He’d almost had even Eddie believing they were really together. 

Eddie ignored the disappointment radiating through him. He yawned and sunk back down into bed, pulling the covers back over himself. 

“Nuh-uh- no fucking way, get up,” Richie protested with a chuckle, watching Eddie’s eyes flutter back close. 

There was shuffling and then Eddie felt a pillow smack into his chest and his eyes shot open in surprise to Richie, kneeling on the bed, clutching the pillow in his hands innocently. Eddie arched an eyebrow and forced a pout, fighting a grin. “What the fuck, Richie? Is that any way to treat your boyfriend?” 

Richie laughed and hit him with the pillow again. “Pip Pip! Get up, old chap! Go shower and get dressed! We’re gonna have a wicked bee’s knees day!” 

Richie was practically bouncing on his knees now, making the whole bed shake as he threw the pillow at him. Eddie groaned and sat up again. “Alright, alright, I’m moving. And will you quit it with the damn British guy?” 

He met Richie’s cheerful expression, and Eddie tried to keep his scowl, but looking into those bright annoying eyes, he couldn’t help the way his mouth twitched up into a smile. 

He was already _that_ gone. 

“I’ll be downstairs, my lad. Don’t keep me waiting long,” Richie told him, leaving the room as Eddie dragged himself from bed. 

It wasn’t until Eddie reached the bathroom and turned on the water to the shower, that he finally looked at himself in the mirror. At first, he just saw the disaster that was his hangover, but then his eyes flickered to the dark hickey blooming near his throat. 

_Fuck,_ Richie. 

_This_ he could remember vividly. Richie’s warm mouth on him, in this very bathroom, kissing and sucking and biting the skin of his neck, marking him as his own. 

Eddie could feel the heat of the memory pooling in his stomach, looking at himself in the mirror, bringing his hand up to brush his fingers softly across the bruise Richie had given him. 

_“Looks good on you.”_

Eddie shivered, shaking himself out of it and hopped into the shower, hating himself and Richie, and possibly the whole world, too.

\--

He didn’t find Richie downstairs in the kitchen or living room when he finally emerged from their bedroom, feeling significantly better from showering. Instead, he found the one person he had no interest in seeing, especially with his barely lifted hangover. He considered doing a complete 360 and heading right back upstairs, but when piercing brown eyes landed on him, he froze in place and thought against it. 

Wentworth Tozier was standing at the counter, steaming cup of coffee in hand, and Eddie flinched, wondering if Richie’s father had the strong urge to throw it on him with the way his hand was gripping the mug tightly, hand shaking and knuckles white. 

“Good morning,” Eddie managed, words barely making it past his throat, staring back wide eyed and alarmed. 

Went squinted his eyes at him and didn’t say anything for a long moment, Eddie shifting uncomfortably until the older man cocked his head towards the back door. “Richard is outside getting the boat ready.” It wasn’t said for Eddie’s benefit, more that Went probably wanted his son’s boyfriend out of his line of sight as quickly as possible. 

Eddie nodded swiftly, glancing at the glass windows outside and moving to head out and join them, but his name spoken deep and harsh stropped him immediately in his tracks and he turned back nervously. 

“Eddie.” 

Went’s hard gaze was on him again, visibly dropped this time to his neck instead, and Eddie knew exactly what he was staring at with that deeply knitted scowl, felt the ache of it on his neck. _The hickey._

Eddie swallowed hard, panicking. Where the fuck was Richie? This was _his_ doing anyways. “Uh-” 

“You know, I’m not quite sure what’s wrong with my son,” Went started, tilting his head and studying Eddie, who only gaped back. “We try, Maggie and I really try to understand what goes through his head when he acts out… but his _behavior_ \- I mean it’s _completely_ ridiculous.” He set his mug down, hard enough that some coffee spilled over the rim and onto the marble counter. Eddie stared at it, not breathing, not moving. His hands fumbled for his inhaler.

“He’s not _in love_ with you, Eddie. My son is incapable of giving a crap about anyone, but himself,” he scoffed, shaking his head, and Eddie was starting to seethe. “I mean, really- everything Richard does, all these elaborate shows he puts on and stunts he pulls- it’s all for attention.” He sounded almost amused now. 

Eddie bit his tongue hard, eyebrows furrowed deeply together, staring blankly at the countertop between them because he couldn’t even look at the man in front of him. He was too confused, too sickened. 

It was kind of like a wake-up call. Richie _was_ doing all of this- bringing him here and concocting this massive lie about their relationship- to get a rise out of his parents. Maybe he was only doing it because he _did_ want attention. He wanted his dad to notice him. But, how could Went say those things about his only son- about _Richie_ of all people? Eddie wasn’t even upset that Mr. Tozier was cornering him and trying to scare him away. No, he was upset because Richie had been right. His father didn’t care about him and wasn’t interested in who he was, or who he wanted to be. This was about more than just Richie bringing home some guy and claiming he was his boyfriend. This was about Richie feeling like he didn’t belong in his own family. And what a fucking shame that was.

Sure, Eddie was aware that Richie had issues- issues that he couldn’t begin to understand or find answers to. But, fucking hell, if Eddie knew one thing it was that behind the overtly disgusting sense of humor and fuck it attitude, there was love there. A whole fucking bunch of it. And maybe it’d never be meant for him, but it was meant for something bigger than this pathetic man standing in front of him.

Eddie’s story was so much different. His mom cared _too_ much, _overbearingly_ so. She was this enormous fucking helicopter hovering over his every breath, every move- and he could never escape it. Miles and miles and miles away she was still in his head, controlling his life like he was her puppet. She’d always be there, a shadow towering over him. But, Richie’s family was so much different. He craved just an ounce of care from his parents and it just wasn’t there for him.

Eddie’s eyes were stinging, and he cursed under his breath because he _knew_ \- he knew now was not the time to show his weakness, even if it was all for Richie and not himself. It was also not the time to show how fucking furious he was and flip out on the father figure, because surely, Richie would not appreciate him being kicked out of the lake house. So, he swallowed back those emotions, nearly choking on them, and raised his eyes to glower at Wentworth. 

“You’re missing out,” Eddie spoke, voice trembling slightly, and he set his jaw to try and steady himself. “Richie’s one of the funniest, most creative people I’ve ever met. And- and everyone loves him- _I love him_.” He’d do anything to protect him, even if he was a complete fucking idiot at times. 

Eddie pitied himself for how true the words actually were. But, now wasn’t the time for him to feel sorry for how stupid he’d been allowing himself to fall for Richie. He’d known this was going to happen. 

_It was still fucking scary._

Eddie cleared his throat, gaining back some of his confidence as he did so. “It shouldn’t matter who Richie loves, because he’s still an honestly strong and one of a kind person... and it’s nothing but _sad_ that you don’t want to get to know that.” The last of the sentence tasted like venom as Eddie spit it out. 

Went snorted and Eddie couldn’t stand another second of his self-absorbed expression. He turned on his heels before he could say what _else_ he was really feeling, heading out the back door and sliding the door shut tightly behind him. _Screw_ breakfast. It wasn’t worth another second in that kitchen. 

His inhaler was at his lips the moment he was outside, and he took three deep puffs from it, collecting himself as he looked around the yard for Richie and started walking towards the lake. 

They were down by the water, Richie standing on the deck of the slick white boat, leaning over the metal railing and laughing with his friends that were standing on the dock barefoot. The sun was high and bright in the sky, beating down on the lake and blinding Bev, Stan, Mike, and Ben that were glaring up at Richie and now Bill on the boat. 

Eddie put on his best smile, urgently trying to forget all about his conversation and relapse in the kitchen. Richie said they’d have a wicked fun day out on the lake- or however he’d worded it- and Eddie wanted that- needed them to just take it easy and have a good time like the teenagers they were. This was spring break, after all. 

“H-hey, about time!” Bill called, catching sight of Eddie as he stumbled along the noisy rocks lining the shore, reaching the wooden dock, still a little bit jittery. 

Richie looked over and grinned, big and beautiful, throwing his arms out wide and whistling at him. “Ahoy, Matey! All aboard the morning wood!”

Eddie squinted, but his heart did that _thing_ in his chest and his mouth cracked open into a little smile as he walked down the pier to join them. “The _what_?” 

“Jesus, Richie- stop calling the boat that!” Stan yelled up at him.

“What? _Morning wood?_ ”

“It’s not even wooden!” Ben huffed.

“That’s disgusting,” Eddie said, shaking his head as he reached the end of the dock.

“Not what you said earlier, baby!”

Eddie groaned, but the grin spread wider on his face.

He followed the others onto the boat and up the steps to the deck where Richie and Bill were waiting. And there was Richie, with his neon swim trunks clinging to his thighs and his hair insane in the wind, and that _damn_ toothy smile spread across his face, looking at him. _A walking fucking disaster._

Eddie surprised himself by immediately closing the distance between them and pulling him into a kiss that Richie laughed into and then willingly reciprocated. 

Pulling back, after a long moment of just lips tugging together with touches of tongue, Richie grinned before leaning in to peck his lips again and again. “What was that for?” he asked, voice suddenly soft and making Eddie’s heart melt. 

Eddie was glowing too much to feel embarrassed. He shook himself out of it a little, reminding himself, _this isn’t real._ “You’re like a fucking eyesore in those swim trunks,” he said, voice teasing, glancing down at the bright orange shorts the other wore. Richie broke out into another barking laugh. 

“Yeah, you know what else is an eyesore?” Stan asked, making fake gagging noises from behind them and Eddie could only imagine. “The bruise on your neck.”

Now everyone was laughing, and Eddie was blushing profusely, bringing his hand up to cover the mark, looking into bright brown eyes that were just maybe a little sheepish now. 

“Shut up, Stanley.” 

Eddie stepped back when the laughter settled down and the group dispersed, deciding he needed a clear head if he was going to stick to the game plan on this boat trip, and he sure as hell wasn’t thinking clearly with Richie looking at him like that so closely. He needed to breathe and stop acting on his impulsive feelings. 

Beverly and Bill were lying down on the deck to tan, parts of the boat cushioned with white leather that turned up like a couch. Stan was entertained by watching Ben and Mike try to reach out and yank the ropes off the dock that were keeping the boat tied to shore. 

Richie tugged his hand and Eddie looked back to him curiously. “Come on,” he said. “I wanna show you something.” 

Eddie followed him inside the boat where they sat down in front of a wide tinted window that overlooked the lake, and Richie began flipping switches on the panel of controls behind the steering wheel in front of him. 

“ _You’re_ driving the boat?” Eddie asked, disbelievingly. He trusted Richie with a lot of things, but this sure as hell wasn’t one of them. He’d seen the boy drive a car and that had been frightening enough.

Richie gave him a look. “What? You don’t think I know how?” His voice was light and playful, and Eddie just laughed at him, shaking his head. “I’ll have you know, I’ve had my boating license since I was sixteen,” he said, smart-mouthed and matter-of-factly, looking back to the gears in front of him and starting the engine. 

“That doesn’t sound promising,” Eddie said, still giggling, watching Richie fool around with the dash panel, looking intently through those thick-rimmed glasses.

“Okay,” Richie said after a moment, settling back in his chair. “Do me a quick favor and make sure Mike and Ben aren’t still hanging over the edge?” 

Eddie chuckled and stood up, popping his head outside to check that they had finished untying the boat and were now sitting with the others on the deck. “All clear, Captain,” he told Richie, returning to his seat next to him. 

Richie glanced at him and winked, then pushed the metallic lever forward, making the boat rumble and start to move. 

It was slow at first as Richie steered out and away from the dock, but then they slowly picked up speed until they were cruising out on the lake, putting more and more space between them and what was left back at shore. Eddie expected to feel uneasy, but he only felt liberated.

“I brought you breakfast,” Richie said eventually, breaking Eddie out of his daze of staring across the water. 

He blinked at Richie disorderly. “Huh?” 

“I brought you breakfast,” Richie repeated with a smile, gesturing with a tilt of his head to where a couple slices of toast wrapped in tinfoil were sitting on the compartment between them. “Haven’t you heard food helps cure a hangover?”

Eddie picked up the toast, holding it dumbly between his hands. He wasn’t used to being taken care of, especially by Richie of all people. It was sort of comforting and so much different from his mother.

“Thank you,” he said quietly, hoping his voice didn’t crack with any stupid emotions. 

Richie looked at him unsure, forehead creasing, glancing back and forth between the lake and Eddie. Apparently, Eddie was inept at keeping his feelings at bay today. 

It was quiet for a couple moments as Eddie unwrapped the tinfoil and took a couple bites of the burnt toast that tasted gross landing in his empty stomach, but he kept his mouth shut anyways. 

“Is everything okay?” Richie asked, concerned and unsure as he pulled back slowly on the lever, the speed of the boat decelerating. 

And _great_ , now all Eddie could think about was that conversation with Richie’s dad in the kitchen, the very same conversation he was trying to forget. His face fell as he remembered the whole misfortune. “No, everything’s fine,” Eddie lied, not looking at Richie until he felt the other’s gaze burning into him, and when he looked up, he was sure Richie didn’t believe him. 

He watched the dread wash over Richie’s expression. “Oh, fuck! You didn’t see my dad, did you?” His eyes landed on the hickey on Eddie’s neck for a second, before returning alarmed to his face.

Eddie sighed. 

“Oh, god. What did he say? How bad was it?” Richie’s eyes were now flicking wildly back and forth between the dash panel and Eddie as he continued slowing the boat down until it came to a lazy stop out in the middle of the lake and he could let go of the gears. 

“It wasn’t a big deal,” Eddie lied again, and Richie gave him a very skeptical look. 

Richie turned the engine to the boat off completely and turned in his seat to face Eddie, the boat bobbing side to side in the water as it settled. 

“Whatever he said about you, Eddie, it’s not true. You _know_ he’s a piece of shit. Don’t believe any of his crap for a second.” Richie was looking into his eyes, genuine and worried, but not for himself. “Fuck- listen, you’re amazing, Eds-” 

And Eddie suddenly realized he had it all wrong. Richie thought Eddie was feeling down on _himself_ because of whatever his dad had said, but no, that wasn’t it at all. Went hadn’t said anything about Eddie.

“No, Rich- I’m not- It was the stuff he said about _you_.” And yeah, his voice definitely cracked that time. “I just- it’s not who you are. You don’t deserve that. No one does.” Eddie was very aware that he was on the verge of tears now, and he blinked them back madly, not allowing them to fall. 

Richie stared at him, wide-eyed and clueless, like he couldn’t possibly understand that Eddie was upset because of the way Richie’s father treated his own son. “I-”

Eddie turned abruptly in his seat to face him. “ _God_ \- I almost lost it on him, Richie. You aren’t- you’re not a horrible person and the shit he said made me so _furious_.” Eddie was feeling that anger start to boil inside himself again towards Went Tozier, and he clenched his fists tightly at his sides. It reminded him strangely of the internal rage he constantly felt towards his mother.

Richie shook his head and reached out, hands landing on each of Eddie’s shoulders, grounding him. “No, listen to me. Do not let him get to you.” Richie was looking at him so intensely, talking so seriously, that it was hard for Eddie to relax. “Do not let him upset you, understand? _Christ_ , especially over me.” Richie was breathing a little heavy, visibly aggravated over the situation, and he shook Eddie’s shoulders lightly. It was nothing like his usual demeanor. “I can’t have this falling on you. He’s a prick, okay? Don’t let him get to you.” 

Eddie just nodded slowly, because what else could he say? It wasn’t right. Nothing about the situation was right. But, he didn’t want Richie to think he just pitied him, because no, it was so much more than that. He wanted to defend him against himself and his family, and make sure he never felt unloved again. But, how could he do that when they weren’t really dating? When all of this was just pretend? 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring this up and make you upset,” Eddie said carefully. 

Richie sighed and shook his head. “What? No, don’t apologize. _I’m_ sorry, my dad’s a piece of shit.” And then he pulled Eddie into a hug, making his breath catch, and _that_ Eddie could relax into. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. 

Eddie rested his chin on Richie’s shoulder and slowly brought his hands up to hug him back, silently reassuring him that it was okay, that none of this was Richie’s fault. He breathed Richie in and felt a lot better. 

“You know, sometimes I feel bad about dragging you into my stupid family drama... but most of the time I’m just happy you’re here, Eds,” Richie confessed, and Eddie pulled back to look at him, meeting sparkling eyes. 

He smiled softly. “I’m happy to be here.” 

Richie’s expression turned back to teasing and Eddie’s heart faltered at that. “What, better than spring break in Maine?” 

Eddie laughed, shaking his head, pushing his shoulder lightly. “So much better.” 

\--

After Richie dropped the anchor to keep the boat from drifting, they joined the rest of them out on the deck to lounge, crack open beers and lay out under the sun, chatting and laughing with each other in the middle of the lake. It was the dream, just like Eddie imagined it would be spending spring break with money.

And with the way Richie was grinning again, sunglasses in place, leaning back on his forearms beside him, Eddie knew that all the problems and conversations were forgotten for now. They could enjoy themselves and save the worries for later. 

So, they relaxed and had fun with the rest of their friends. And Eddie couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed this much, smiling till his face practically hurt, especially with Richie cracking jokes and looking like the world next to him. 

Richie had his head tilted back, listening to the music Bev had turned on from the boat’s speakers, tapping the rhythm on Eddie’s leg with his fingertips and talking mindlessly amongst the group. 

Eddie’s heart was so full. Richie _had_ to feel it. 

_Don’t stop, no one’s ever enough. And I’ll never look back, never give up. And if it gets rough, it’s time to get rough._

Richie wrapped his arm around Eddie’s shoulders and dragged him into his side to kiss his temple loudly and make him laugh more. Eddie reveled in it because this felt real and none of it made sense. 

_But now I’m falling._

Of course it got too hot after a while and Beverly was the first one jumping off the boat, diving into the lake with a howl and a loud splash. The others leaned over the metal railing and watched her resurface from the water, shaking her hair and throwing her arms out wide, hollering up at them to hurry.

The boys followed after her, jumping one by one and shrieking as they fell to the water, resurfacing with yelps that it was cold before Beverly began splashing them and Mike playfully dunked her back underwater, everyone laughing. 

Richie was amused, watching them over the side of the boat, and then he looked to Eddie, raising his eyebrows in question. “Ready, spaghetti?” 

Eddie raised his eyebrows right back, because was he ready to take this jump with Richie? For once he was confident in his answer. 

Richie removed his glasses and pulled his tank top off, throwing them onto the cushion and Eddie tried- really tried not to gawk as he scrambled to get his own shirt off, but _damn_ it was hard not to. And then they were climbing over the metal railing and standing on the very edge of the boat, looking down at the blue-green water beneath them. 

Eddie wasn’t usually afraid of heights, but suddenly this jump looked a lot higher than it actually was and his heartbeat picked up, because of the jump he was going to have to take of course, not because of the fact that he could see Richie squinting at him from his peripheral and it was driving him insane. 

For once, Eddie couldn’t hear his mother.

“On the count of three?” Richie asked, and Eddie glanced over and saw his hand outstretched, palm up for him to take. 

Eddie nodded, grazing his hand over Richie’s palm until their fingers caught and intertwined together, fitting tightly. “On three,” he agreed, looking into Richie’s eyes. 

“One... two... three!” 

Eddie pushed off the deck and jumped, adrenaline rushing through his veins, Richie yelling out right beside him, limbs flailing as they plummeted into the chilly water, holding their breath as they went all the way under before swimming back up to the surface, their hands somehow staying interlocked throughout all of it. 

Eddie rose out of the water, feeling unbound, shaking his wet hair and grinning as Richie popped up right next to him, spewing water from his mouth with a brilliant laugh and letting go of his hand to swim. 

“Fucking tits- it’s cold,” Richie said, and yeah, the water wasn’t that warm, but it still felt refreshing after being out in the hot sun all day. Richie ran a hand through his messy mop of hair, making it stick up in tufts that Eddie found ridiculous and funny, yet kind of adorable. 

They were treading water to stay afloat and smiling stupidly at each other, oblivious to Bev and the rest of the boys splashing each other and making all sorts of racket just a few feet away. 

Richie’s eyes flickered visibly from Eddie’s eyes to his lips, and then he turned to look over his shoulder, at the others that really weren’t paying them any mind. But, Richie seemed to decide something anyways because when he turned back, he swam forward and grabbed Eddie and pulled him in for a kiss. 

Eddie gasped into it, surprised at first despite the circumstances, and then his hands were in Richie’s wet hair and he was kissing back, soft and sure, wet lips slotting against wet lips and it felt _amazing_. 

Their knees kept bumping awkwardly against each other’s as they treaded water, lips refusing to part, until finally Richie brought his hands to the back of Eddie’s thighs and just scooped him up, so his legs were wrapped around his hips instead, making Eddie’s breath catch. And yes, it was the logical thing to do so that they didn’t keep kicking each other, but it also sent a shiver up Eddie’s spine and all these fireworks going off inside his head because now he had two firm hands burning where they held his waist under the cool water and he couldn’t _breathe_. 

Richie stopped kissing him for a split second, eyes hooded as he mumbled, “Okay?” and Eddie nodded, unable to find words, so he just reeled him back in to kiss him again. 

Richie hummed contentedly, tightening his hands on his waist as he kissed him back with fervor, lips moving in different patterns against his that Eddie melted into. 

And they kissed and kissed and kissed. 

“Oh my god, are those two ever _not_ making out?” 

“I swear to god, they’re animals.” 

“They’re d-definitely that annoying couple that can’t keep their h-hands off each other in public.” 

“It’s disgusting.”

“Do you even think they realize we’re watching?” 

Richie swiped his tongue one last time against Eddie’s lips, making him shiver involuntarily, before he pulled away laughing, throwing a middle finger over his shoulder at their onlookers. 

Eddie was blushing, and his mind was swirling and _fuck_ , what was that? 

He fought to catch his breath, watching Richie let go of him and swim away to splash Bev, who was now making bottom jokes at her best friend with a shit-eating grin. 

Eddie sighed as it settled in, heart still hammering loudly in his chest. It was just a show, that’s all it was, and it’d clearly worked on the rest of them, so Richie was satisfied. 

He wished it didn’t work on _himself_ so much, too. 

Eddie calmed down and swam over to join the group, watching Richie and Bev now push each other around in the water. He laughed and joined in on the fun and everything was lighthearted and okay. 

So, why did Eddie’s heart have to feel so heavy? 

\--

The group swam around for a while, until they’d had enough and climbed back onto the boat, lying out together on the deck to dry off under the warm sun. 

Eddie was resting his head on Richie’s chest, the other boy running his fingers through his short damp hair, massaging his scalp, occasionally pressing kisses to his crown, and it was _so_ soothing. 

He was exhausted, and Richie looked exhausted, so this was perfect, just relaxing with each other and enjoying all the touches, even if it was just for show. Eddie realized he didn’t mind, especially right now. He could almost fall asleep to the sound of the lake and Richie’s heartbeat, it was _that_ comforting. He felt like he belonged there. 

Eddie glanced up at the other boy, who was staring at the sky, quiet for once and lost in thought, and he took it all in, this special moment, this feeling in his chest, this absurd and unruly boy that was touching him so gently, so carefully that it made Eddie’s heart squeeze. 

“What are you thinking?” he asked softly, waiting for those brown eyes to shift to him under his glasses, and when they did, he smiled, and Richie smiled back. 

“I’m thinking about how fucking free I felt jumping off the boat with you... and how I wish I could feel like that all the time.” 

It wasn’t what Eddie had been expecting, visibly taken aback by his response because this felt too raw and too honest- especially for Richie- and was giving him useless hope that he didn’t know what to do with, without self-destructing. But, his stomach was fluttering uncontrollably, and he was warm- _so_ warm. 

He wanted to give Richie that feeling for the rest of his life. 

“Maybe you can,” Eddie whispered, and Richie’s smile turned soft, lifting his head to press a knowing kiss to his forehead before settling back down. 

Eddie was drowning dangerously in his feelings for Richie, maybe beyond saving, and if he wasn’t careful, he was going to sink fast.


	5. Burning

“Fuck- fuck, ow!” Eddie flinched away from where Richie had just pressed his fingers delicately into the bare skin of his back- his very, very sunburnt back. “I said don’t fucking touch it!” 

Richie threw his head back and laughed, Eddie watching him disgruntled from his reflection in the bathroom mirror they were standing in front of, examining Eddie’s newly fried skin. He groaned and looked up at the ceiling. 

“That’s what you get for falling asleep on your stomach on the boat yesterday,” Richie teased before poking his bright red skin again. 

Eddie recoiled and turned around to push Richie away from him, burning, but not in the good way this time. “You’re such an asshole,” he said, but he was grinning stupidly at the four-eyed brunette anyways. 

“ _I’m_ an asshole?” Richie asked, eyebrows raised and toothy smile in place, taking a step back towards Eddie. “It’s not my fault you burn easily.” 

Eddie groaned and shook his head. “You could have, I don’t know, woken me up? Or told me to put on sunscreen? Or I don’t know, covered my back with a shirt?” 

Richie huffed in amusement and took another small step forward into Eddie’s space. “Yeah, but then I wouldn’t have gotten to look at so much skin,” Richie said lowly, but still full of tease. 

And yeah, _what?_ No. Eddie looked at him incredulously, feeling his face begin to flush, and he quickly brushed past Richie and headed out of the bathroom. How could he just say things like that? Eddie grabbed his shirt off the bed and pulled it back on, wincing as it brushed over the skin of his shoulder blades. “You’re ridiculous,” he said. 

Richie followed him out of the bathroom and leaned against the wall outside, watching him curiously with a smile across his face. “Yeah, but aren’t you glad we became friends?” 

Eddie froze and looked up from where he was searching the bed for his tossed sunglasses. He met those vivid brown eyes and _ouch_ , despite not being surprised, the friend zone still hurt. He snorted, looking away again to hide his disappointment. “Friends? I wouldn’t call us that.” 

“Okay, then what would you call us?” 

Eddie picked up his sunglasses from where they were hiding under a fold in the duvet and he used the time it took to clean the lenses with his shirt and tuck them so they rested in his hair to think. “Fake boyfriends... for the rest of spring break. Then we can go back to living across the hall from each other and pretending the other doesn’t exist.” The words ached coming out of Eddie’s own mouth, but wasn’t that reality? 

Richie scoffed dryly, and Eddie looked at him, raising his eyebrows and finding the other boy’s smile gone now. “Is that what you did? Pretended I didn’t exist?” Richie sounded almost offended or upset, but that couldn’t be right. Why did he care? 

But, gosh, _no_ , that’s not what Eddie did, but it’s how Richie acted. He never said more than two words to him before until he needed something from him, until he’d found a way to use him, and Eddie wasn’t holding that against him, of course not. He’d known it all along that this was what was happening, and Eddie wasn’t going to regret his decision. He’d take getting used for a week if he got to get to know the incredibly weird boy standing before him. 

Eddie shook his head, trying to get his thoughts back on track. “I’m just saying that I’m doing you a favor. That’s all it is. You don’t have to change anything at university just because we acted close for a week.” It sounded sad and Eddie hated it. He didn’t even want to think about this week ending and what would happen after. 

It would be a whole lot of heartbreak, he was sure. 

“Okay... so, what? You want to go back to only saying hi to each other when we pass in the hallway or by the showers?” 

Eddie stared at his feet and shrugged.

Richie laughed, almost bitterly. “Okay, well, what if I _don’t_ want to do that?” Eddie looked up and Richie raised his eyebrows pointedly at him. 

“Look, I know the kissing and the touching- and the pretending to be dating will obviously stop... but we can still be friends, right?” Richie looked at him, eyes bright and hopeful and Eddie’s heart squeezed in his chest. Richie’s lips turned into a small smirk. “I know you enjoy my company, at least a little bit, to want to be friends after all of this.” 

Those were the key words though, weren’t they? _After all of this._ This was temporary, a week of Eddie’s hopes and dreams and wants, all tucked away in the brunette standing before him, all hidden behind that charming smile and vile personality that Eddie had gotten a short-lived glimpse of over spring break. But, that’s all it was- a fleeting glimpse that come Monday when classes resumed would just be his favorite heart wrenching memory. 

“I want to be friends with you after this,” Richie repeated softly, earnestly. 

But, Eddie wasn’t selfless enough to not take what he could get. 

It would hurt, it would hurt like fucking hell, but maybe Eddie’s heart would heal and they _could_ be friends, and they could one day laugh together over the memory of this spring break and their pretend relationship. Then, at least he’d still have Richie Tozier in his life, this boy that was slowly changing a deeply ingrained part of him that Eddie couldn’t even begin to understand quite yet. But, something inside him was going to be different when he came out of this. That he was sure of. 

He would never be unscathed. 

Eddie opened his mouth, trying to find words that wouldn’t give away what he was feeling. He closed his mouth, furrowed his eyebrows lightly together, opening it again. “I want to be friends with you, too.” 

Richie grinned, lips parting in something like relief that confused Eddie, and then he was stepping forward and Eddie’s heart started to pound. “Good,” he said, before hugging Eddie into his arms, warm and welcome and safe, fingers delicate over the cloth of the t-shirt on his sunburnt back. 

Eddie clung to him a little tightly, a little desperately, craving the warm burn igniting through his chest. He cleared his throat when he realized what he was doing; shaking himself out of it and taking a step back, taking a deep breath. “Good,” Eddie nodded. 

Richie flashed him that toothy smile one more time before turning towards the dresser to pluck his prescription sunglasses up and replace his real glasses with them, before heading for the door leading out of their bedroom. “Now there’s one more person on the floor I can steal socks from when I forget to do my laundry.” 

Eddie stood still for a moment, letting the words sink in before he scoffed and rolled his eyes fondly, following Richie out of the room, lightly pushing him from behind and causing his favorite laugh to ring out in the air. 

It sounded like hell. 

\--

They ended up out by the pool with everyone minus the parents, another extremely hot and sunny day that had Eddie’s shirt sticking uncomfortably to his back within minutes of walking out of the lake house and being under the heat. 

Ben and Mike were reading books, sipping beers on the adjacent lounge chairs. Bill and Stan were laughing and splashing each other in the water. Beverly was lying flat, tanning on a towel at the edge of the pool.

Eddie sat on a lounge chair and reached to pull his shirt over his head, making a face as it scraped uncomfortably across his burnt skin. He dropped it to the ground and then turned his attention to Richie who was standing in front of his chair and pulling his ridiculous Hawaiian shirt off rather slowly, putting on a show, exposing inch by inch of pale skin that Eddie reveled in. _Fuck._

How the hell didn’t _he_ get sunburn?

Richie met his stare and grinned before unceremoniously throwing his removed shirt at him, hitting Eddie square in the face and falling into his lap. Eddie blinked out of it and turned his gaze from Richie’s chest to his amused eyes, and Eddie scowled. 

Richie laughed as he walked towards him, leaning over to put a hand on his cheek and press a soft kiss to his lips. 

Eddie’s heart soared. 

Their eyes met as they pulled back and Richie smiled gently and brushed his thumb across Eddie’s jaw, making Eddie shiver in its wake. “Lay on your stomach,” he whispered, and Eddie’s mind froze. 

“Er- What?” 

Richie straightened, brushing his thumb once more across Eddie’s cheek before letting go and stepping back, eyebrows raised. “Turn over,” he said. 

Eddie’s mouth dropped open kind of dumbly, and he fought to choke out some words. “What?” he managed incredulously. “ _Why_?” 

His mind was flooding with all the reasons as to why Richie might want him lying on his stomach, all of them good, none of them appropriate with the company around. 

Richie chuckled and turned around to grab the tube of sunscreen that was sitting on the table next to Ben, then faced Eddie again and waved it at him. “I’m gonna take care of you so you don’t end up with third degree burns.” 

_Too late._ Eddie sighed and felt his face flush, mouth curling up involuntarily into a shy smile. “About time,” he mumbled, having to look away from amused eyes as he turned onto his stomach. He could feel his heart beating through his chest. 

Richie climbed over him then, straddling the back of his waist and Eddie’s eyes went wide where thankfully no one could see them, inhaling in surprise, stomach in knots. _What the fuck was happening?_

Richie chuckled, leaning over his back and shifting onto his knees, Eddie sensing his nose by his ear and making his skin tingle, and then he pressed a loud kiss on his cheek before sitting back up and settling back on Eddie’s waist. “You’re so hot,” he said loudly, and Eddie swallowed harshly, his cheek on fire. 

Richie was a heavy, comforting weight on top of him. Eddie never wanted it to leave. 

Then, he heard the lid of the sunscreen pop open and felt it cold as Richie squirted it onto his back, and suddenly the sense of the pain to come from applying sunscreen to burnt skin overrode every other feeling. 

“Richie- don’t- be gentle,” Eddie panicked underneath him, skin stinging when Richie hadn’t even touched him, yet. 

Richie laughed and that did nothing to placate Eddie’s worries for what he was about to face. 

“Relax, babe. I’ve got you.” 

Eddie exhaled at that and reluctantly unwound to Richie’s voice, tension seeping out of his shoulder blades as he all but melted into the lounge chair under Richie. Then, Richie was rubbing sunscreen into his skin ever so gently, hands soft and fingers soothing against the tender skin of his back, causing Eddie’s eyes to almost flutter close. 

And of course, it still stung, but not as horribly as Eddie had imagined. 

“See, was that so bad, darling?” Richie teased him in a southern accent, rubbing in the remnants of white sunscreen before bending down and kissing the nape of his neck. 

“Mm... yes,” Eddie deadpanned once he’d found his voice, feeling the heat on his neck and in his throat. 

“Unbelievable.” Richie flicked his shoulder blade and climbed off of him, Eddie sucking in a sharp breath at the sting of the small blow. 

“Asshole.” He turned back over, adjusting the head of the lounge chair so he was in more of a sitting position. 

Richie met his gaze and waggled his eyebrows, plopping down in the chair next to him. “You love me,” he said confidently. 

_God_ , Eddie wished he were wrong. 

Eddie’s expression softened involuntarily, and he offered a lenient smile. “You’re not wrong,” he replied faintly after a moment. 

Richie looked at him, brown eyes unreadable, before eventually reaching over and taking his hand, letting their palms touch and fingers lace in the space between their chairs. He squeezed Eddie’s hand. 

Eddie closed his eyes and memorized the feeling. 

\--

A few hours later found Richie running off the edge and doing a cannonball into the pool, sending splashes of water directly on Beverly, who squealed in protest on the sidelines, as well as Eddie who would’ve reacted the same way if it wasn’t for the toothy smile Richie was giving him as he resurfaced. 

“Eds, get your ass in the pool!” Richie called from where he was treading water, ever so gracefully, and Eddie laughed. 

“Hurry up,” Stan complained, also from the pool, Eddie rolling his eyes as he stood up from the lounge chair. 

“What- eager to get your ass beat in a chicken fight?” Richie pestered Stan, who dunked him unceremoniously underwater. 

Richie came up dramatically pretending to choke on chlorine, and Eddie laughed, toes curling over the bricks at the edge of the pool. 

Richie looked up at him and grinned, throwing out his arms. “Baby, get in here so I can kiss you.” 

Eddie swallowed. _Wow_ , he didn’t need any more convincing. 

“Jesus,” Stan grumbled.

Bill laughed, swimming over to splash Stan.

Eddie smiled and jumped in. 

The rush of water was cool and inviting, a welcome relief from the burning sun and his burning skin. When he swam to the surface, two hands caught onto his hips, bringing back the fire. 

He was met with wide humored eyes- what was quickly becoming his favorite sight- and water dripping down his face. 

Richie tilted his head, smiling earnestly with his eyes crinkling at the corners, and pulled him forward to slot their lips together, soft and wet, as promised. 

Eddie melted into it, hands coming up to wrap a little desperately around Richie’s neck, lips molding together, smooth and sweet and sending a swarm of heat through Eddie’s gut. 

Richie squeezed Eddie’s hips, causing a jolt up his spine, and Eddie clung tighter to him, letting Richie kiss the life out of him, take his breath away, and leave him a gasping mess when they finally separated, floating back in the pool with Richie’s arm securing around his waist to keep him close. His heart hurt so good. He never wanted this moment to end. 

When he finally looked away from Richie’s smoldering eyes, he realized Bill already had Stan on his shoulders, waiting impatiently for them and struggling to stay on his feet, an amusing sight. 

“L-let’s go,” Bill said, clapping his hands together and Eddie turned back to look at Richie. 

“Top or bottom?” Richie asked with a smirk and a raise of his eyebrows, and Stan groaned. 

Eddie splashed him right in the face, causing Richie to reel back laughing. _This fucking boy._ He pulled Eddie in by the waist to press another kiss to his lips. 

“You can get on my shoulders,” Richie mumbled against Eddie’s mouth, kissing him again before pulling back and going underwater, Eddie barely having the chance to open his eyes let alone comprehend his words, his heart still racing. 

He climbed onto Richie’s shoulders, the other boy hooking his arms around his calves and standing, lifting Eddie right out of the water. It was wobbly at first, Eddie sinking his fingers into Richie’s hair for something to hold on to, so he didn’t end up back in the water, as Richie got ahold of his footing on the pool floor. 

“Please don’t pull my hair out,” Richie begged once he’d caught his balance and Eddie laughed, loosening his hold. 

“I’ve never heard you say that one before,” he teased, payback for Richie’s comment before, and Stan groaned again, smacking his face with his hand, Richie laughing heartily then. 

“My money’s on Rich and Eddie,” Mike spoke up from where he had moved to the poolside to watch the fight, and that was what Eddie liked to hear. 

“No, I think Stan’s got this,” Ben disagreed, sitting beside him with his feet dangling off the edge and into the pool water. 

“Bev?” Mike called for her input, glancing over his shoulder to where she was drying off from Richie’s cannon ball incident.

“Oh, Richie and Eddie. Definitely Richie and Eddie,” she said with a grin.

Music to Eddie’s ears. 

“Can w-we please hurry this up b-before I drop him?” Bill huffed, clearly still struggling to stay standing, and Richie laughed again, shaking underneath Eddie. 

Eddie grinned. Such easy competition. 

“Okay-” Mike conceded, “Ready, set, go!” 

Richie instantly carried him forward to meet Stan and Bill in the middle of the pool, splashing water vigorously as he moved, Eddie raising his arms to try and fight them off. 

“You got this, Eds! Hit him where it hurts!” Richie encouraged loudly below him as Eddie reached out to push Stan, arms latching onto arms and struggling back and forth, both of them laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing was. 

The fight didn’t last long at all apparently, barely over a minute until Bill stumbled backwards after a good shove from Eddie resulting in a shift of weight from Stan. He seemed to slip on the pool floor and the two of them went tumbling into the water, Stan knocked off his shoulders during the fall, both going under brusquely. 

“Yes, bitch! That’s what you fucking get! We’re the fucking champions!” Richie yelled obnoxiously, throwing his hands up and down.

Eddie cheered, raising his fists victoriously on Richie’s shoulders, and Richie laughed, settling down, tilting his head to try and look up at him. Eddie peered down, smiled warmly and patted his cheeks, barely aware of Stan and Bill who were now bickering back and forth over who’s fault their loss was. 

Richie smiled cheekily before flipping Eddie’s legs backwards off his shoulders, sending him falling into the water with a yelp and a loud splash, Eddie resurfacing with mock offense, moving to dunk Richie underwater in retaliation. 

Richie didn’t really fight back, letting him dunk him underwater roughly, coming back up for air before moving in to kiss Eddie with a wide grin, lips on lips, hands on hips, laughing into each other’s mouths. 

Richie pushed him backwards in the water with their lips connected, back until Eddie bumped into the far edge and they were making out against the wall of the pool.

Eddie felt on cloud nine. Winning had never tasted so good. 

\--

Dinner was outside on the patio as usual, everyone seated at the table, Wentworth present at the head this time around, leaving the atmosphere particularly tense and Eddie a little uncomfortable as they dished out plates of food. 

Luckily, Bev was doing a pretty good job of talking her head off to keep the table from falling into any awkward silences after such a fun day, going into great detail of how they spent hours by the pool, holding the attention of their friends and Maggie. 

“I mean if Mike hadn’t fell we totally could have beaten Richie and Eddie,” she recounted another chicken fight, waving her fork around matter-of-factly. “Right?”

“Uh- Dad, can you pass the potatoes?” Richie interrupted, clearly not paying any attention or surely, he would have ridiculed her. 

“Hey! It wasn’t my fault. You’re the one that fell off _my_ shoulders,” Mike argued. 

Went made no move for the bowl of potatoes sitting in front of him. Richie stared blankly at him and then at the bowl out of reach. 

“Because you slipped! How was I supposed to hang on when you were going under water?” 

“Dad- the potatoes?”

Went turned his head to glare silently at Richie. 

“I don’t know, but it’s not like you were doing anything to knock Eddie off Richie’s shoulders.” Mike had turned in his seat to face Bev, completely engrossed in the details from the pool and proving that their loss hadn’t been entirely his fault, when it most definitely was. 

Richie scowled right back at his father, chin jutting out now, Eddie watching the rough exchange, chewing a mouthful of food. His stomach was sinking nervously. 

Bev scoffed loudly, jokingly. “It’s not _my_ fault. Eddie was holding on so tightly to Richie he barely even wobbled when I pushed him. Maybe Richie has a lot more balance than you do.” 

Ben, Bill, Stan and Mike burst into laughter at the ridiculous statement. 

Mr. Tozier picked up the bowl of potatoes and set it down rather harshly in front of Richie, making the table shake. 

Something in Richie seemed to snap at that. He threw his fork down on his plate with a clatter and pushed his chair back from the table slightly, turning to face his father more fully and sneering. “I’m sorry is there a problem?” 

Bev and Mike shut up immediately at Richie’s words, everyone turning wide-eyed to look between Richie and his father, fearful, yet knowing exactly what was about to happen. Hadn’t the whole week been leading up to this? 

Eddie set down his fork and swallowed dryly. 

“I don’t know, Richie,” his father said, calm and collected, and Eddie squirmed in his chair. “Is there?” 

“I don’t know, Dad. You’re the one acting like a dick,” Richie shot back, raising his eyebrows pointedly and then shrugging. “But, I guess that’s not really anything new, right?” 

Went hummed, seeming visibly unaffected or surprised by Richie’s remark. Eddie’s stomach churned. “I’m sorry, but it’s a little hard to act polite when my spoiled rotten son is hell bent on pissing on this family.” 

Eddie bit down hard on his lip. 

Richie laughed humorlessly, looking across the table at his friends that were now staring down at their plates, before returning his hard gaze to his father. “Is it working?” he asked smugly. 

“Richard,” Maggie warned across the table, but her husband’s facade broke before she could utter anything else to keep any sense of peace at the dinner table. 

“Do you think this is funny? Making a fool of yourself? Bringing some boy here? To what- flaunt around and pretend you’re not the useless, selfish, unruly son I never asked for?” Wentworth growled, slamming his fist down on the table, making Ben gasp and the dishes jump. Eddie felt sick. 

“I mean really, don’t you think it’s finally time to grow up, Richard? Stop acting like such a defiant child that needs to act out every time he doesn’t get his way?” Went continued, shaking his head, voice loud and ugly and reverberating painfully in Eddie’s ears. 

“It’s embarrassing, really- you showing off some boyfriend when everyone at this table knows you’ll never love anyone but yourself.” Eddie flinched at the words and brought his hand to Richie’s thigh underneath the table, a silent reminder that he was here, that he wasn’t alone. “Admit it, Richie. This is a game for you. Bringing your boyfriend here, playing the victim once again, just to drive another wedge between us, just so the attentions on you for another pitiful second. I’m done putting up with it!” He slammed his fist down on the table again. 

Richie’s expression was unclear, table stunned quiet for a moment as the words settled, as Mr. Tozier caught his breath. Then Richie found his voice and spit out two thick words, eyes burning. “Fuck. You.” 

Went threw his head back and laughed bitterly. “Oh, perfect!” 

Eddie couldn’t bear another second. He felt his control snapping string by string inside him, rage bubbling up explosively, no longer afraid to put this dreadful man in his place. 

He needed to do this. If not for Richie, then for himself. No one deserved to listen to this crap. 

“You’re wrong,” Eddie said and every head around the table turned to him, but his stare was zeroed in on Went’s, eyes blazing, everything else out of focus. “You’re so wrong and the only thing that’s more pathetic than your whole outburst is your obvious lack of a will to understand your own son.” 

Richie’s hand was suddenly brushing against Eddie’s under the table, still resting on his thigh, and whether that was a plead for him to stop or encouragement for him to continue, Eddie didn’t care. 

He kept going. 

“It’s honestly _disgusting_ how you refuse to acknowledge your son- how every single thing makes you question his actions and character like the flip of a switch- how he has to jump through all these hoops just for you to look at him twice. What the _hell_ gives you the right to act like he’s not allowed to be himself? Who do you think you are acting like Richie should only be here to please you? Look around the table! You’re the only one with a problem here and the only one who needs a change of shitty attitude.” 

“Eddie,” Richie mumbled, so softly, barely audible over Eddie’s blood boiling. Eddie didn’t care. 

“Richie isn’t the problem. _God_ , he is not the problem. If you only took the time you spent looking for all his faults actually listening to what he has to say, you’d realize that. He has so much to offer and it’s such a damn shame you refuse to acknowledge the son you have-” Eddie took a deep breath and Richie squeezed his hand under the table. He was fuming and now he was emotional, too. “Because he’s incredible- so incredible and funny, and you should feel lucky to have someone like him in your life. Because I know I am.” 

It fell quiet and Went was frowning at him, and when Eddie tore his gaze away and looked around the table he was met with several shocked faces. Eddie took another deep breath to try and calm himself, heart still hammering loudly in his chest. He looked back to Richie’s father, and pushed back his chair from the table.

“You know, Richie has a hell of a lot more love to give than you ever will. And I guess when it comes down to the kind of person you are, that’s all that really matters.” 

Eddie stood up, pulling his hand out from under Richie’s cold fingers, muttering an ‘excuse me’ to the rest of the table before leaving, walking inside the house and sliding the glass door shut tightly behind him. He couldn’t take it. He couldn’t breathe. 

He gasped for air leaning over the countertop in the kitchen, influx of oxygen helping to relieve the tightness in his chest, the growing lump in his throat, the unsettling feeling in his stomach. He yanked his inhaler from his shorts and took a long puff from it.

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d flipped out like that. 

Once Eddie had collected himself enough to move again, he ended up out on the front porch, distancing himself as far from that dinner table as possible, sitting in one of the white rocking chairs and looking out past the front lawn, past the tall gate that was trapping him inside, looking out to the road and the quiet unsuspecting rich neighborhood, the moon hanging bright in the distance like an anchor. He breathed. 

Richie found him not ten minutes later, opening the front door and shutting it behind him, coming to sit quietly in the rocking chair beside him, his gaze dropping to the inhaler clasped tightly in Eddie’s hands. 

They rocked wordlessly back and forth for a couple moments together, chairs creaking, thinking beside each other, until Eddie couldn’t take the silence anymore, no matter how comforting it was. He needed to say something. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Richie turned to look at him, surprise and confusion littering his expression, and Eddie turned to meet those honest brown eyes that always proved to help settle him. “For what?” Richie asked, eyebrows knitting together. 

Eddie sighed exasperatedly, raising his eyebrows wordlessly at the other boy. He knew what for. 

“Don’t be.” Richie shook his head, eyes burning. “Don’t be sorry.” 

Eddie was going to argue, but something about the way Richie was looking at him made him stop. His heart throbbed longingly, longing to be able to take the pain away that sat masked behind that gaze. He’d do anything. 

Richie looked back to the street, kicking his feet quietly against the wooden floorboards of the porch. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a box of cigarettes, sticking one between his teeth. “No one’s ever stood up for me like that,” he said softly around the cigarette, and Eddie’s heart broke. 

“What do you mean?” he asked weakly, and sad eyes returned to his. He was suddenly afraid to hear the answer.

Richie dug around in his pockets for a lighter. He hesitated before bringing the flame to his cigarette. “Do you mind?” he asked honestly.

Eddie shook his head.

Richie lit the cigarette and took a long pull from it, breathing out smoke away from Eddie with a relieved sigh. “I just mean, there’s not a lot of people out there who believe the things you said, let alone would voice them in my defense.” 

Eddie’s mouth parted at the confession, but he couldn’t find the right words to say despite the buzz of sadness in his brain, especially with his heart hurting so badly in his chest. He’d always had difficulty standing up for himself, but it’d been so easy standing up for Richie.

“So, thank you,” Richie said, looking into his eyes, Eddie feeling it deep in his chest. “Thank you for standing up for me.” 

He wanted to tell him not to thank him, that it’s what he deserved, that Eddie had wanted to, that he’d make the same decision over and over and over again. He opted for something better. “Anytime.” 

Richie’s mouth curved up into a warm smile and Eddie helplessly mirrored it. 

They fell into silence, warm comforting silence, rocking back and forth together, staring out at the moon and stars in the distance and listening to the night. It was such a different view when you couldn’t see the lake. Such a different atmosphere when it was just the two of them together. 

“Richie?” Eddie asked, looking back towards him. 

“Hm?” 

Eddie drank in Richie’s profile, his ruffled curly hair that Eddie longed to run his fingers through, his hollowed cheeks as he pulled from his cigarette, the curve of his lips that Eddie ached to kiss. And beyond all that, there was this charming, wise-cracking boy with such a big heart. 

“Don’t believe for a second that you are any of those things your father said you are.” Eddie shook his head. “You’re not.” 

Richie turned to look at Eddie, brown on blue, eyes so big, Eddie’s heart beating strong. “I won’t,” he whispered in the space between them, and for some reason it felt like a crushing lie. 

How could Richie look so lost when Eddie felt so found. 

“Do you want to listen to some music?” Richie asked after a long moment of just looking at each other, coexisting next to each other.

Eddie nodded slowly. “Yeah.” 

Maybe music would make them feel better. 

Richie smiled and stubbed out his cigarette on the arm of the chair. 

He rummaged for his phone in his pocket, pulling it out and struggling to untangle his earphones before handing one bud to Eddie to stick in his ear. 

He scrolled through a long list, searching for a song and then pressed play. 

_It’s been a long long time, we’ve come a long long way. No, I can’t see the finish line. Scared half to death but that’s okay._

They leaned back and listened. 

_Because it’s all we know, and it’s only change. Sun sets on the old, but we’re nocturnal anyway. And this is how we know, it’ll be okay. These are the times we will hold, when our memories fade._

_Sometimes it takes times like these to know you’re in the right place._

Eddie reached for Richie’s hand with his heart in his throat and Richie took it.


	6. To The Top

Eddie woke up to soft breathing against his shoulder, the grip of a hand curling lightly around his arm, a sleeping boy nuzzling into his neck. 

He blinked awake, turning his head slowly to the body lying beside him, nose finding a warm head of disheveled curls, a face resting contently in the dip of his collarbone just inches below his. 

Not just any face- Richie’s face, sleeping soundly against him, breathing against his skin, making Eddie warm. 

He smiled to himself, biting his lip and reaching out ever so slowly to trail his fingers delicately through Richie’s tangled hair, brushing it back from his forehead, careful not to disturb him, because once Richie woke, there’d be no going back. The quiet would be broken.

Eddie remembered how they’d spent last night on the front porch together. They’d sat together for hours, listening to music and talking quietly to each other, hands pressed together, forgetting about the mess they’d left behind at the dinner table, forgetting about everything else besides the two of them. It’d been easy and honest and made Eddie feel so many things that he wasn’t so sure about. 

But, there was one thing Eddie _was_ sure of that night. 

He was sure he fell in love. 

He fell in love on that porch; fell in love to the warmth of Richie’s voice and the touch of his hand and the smell of his cigarettes. He fell in love with those goofy glasses and that bright laugh, and the way Eddie couldn’t keep the smile off his face, the way his heart pounded in his chest. He fell in love thinking about how he never wanted to walk the earth without hearing Richie’s vulgar jokes. He fell in love with the realization that he was in love, and maybe he couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment it’d happened, maybe it’d been this slow process since the second Richie had fallen into his lap less than a week ago. But, here he was-- in love. 

It should have been scary. It should have sent Eddie running in the complete opposite direction. Because hadn’t he promised himself he wasn’t going to let this happen? Hadn’t he sworn to keep his feelings out of this and not put himself in this position that would only end in tears and heartbreak? 

Apparently, Eddie had no sense of self-preservation. And he didn’t fucking care. 

He didn’t care because he was so fucking in love with this messy boy clinging to his arm and snuggling against his chest, making his head swim. It was a weird feeling. It left Eddie’s heart warm and bursting and his stomach tumbling and face hurting from smiling so much. He was in love with Richie _fucking_ Tozier, and _fuck_ , it was unbelievable. 

He wanted nothing more than for it to last. He knew it wouldn’t. 

Eddie wasn’t even sure how someone could fall in love in just six days, how that was even physically or emotionally possible, how something inside his heart could change so quickly because of one special person, but it had, and there was no comparable feeling. Six days was all it took, and Eddie nearly punched himself in the face at the thought, because if that wasn’t some sappy bullshit straight out of a romance novel, then what was? But, it was true. He was in love. 

He was sick and overemotional and screaming on the inside over the obscene boy sleeping beside him. 

He wished it didn’t have to end, that he could come out of this with something of himself still intact. 

But, he knew deep in his throbbing heart that wasn’t going to be possible. Love was such a dangerous thing, yet still Eddie welcomed it. 

His phone vibrating on the bedside table made his thumb freeze where it was tracing the curve of Richie’s eyebrow, tearing his attention away unwillingly from the sleeping brunette. 

He saw the contact name on the screen before he even reached for his phone and he immediately dreaded listening to whatever voicemail was left when he didn’t answer the call. 

It’s not that he was purposefully avoiding his mother’s calls, because obviously under any other circumstances he’d be quick to answer her and keep her calm, especially after ditching her for spring break. It was always easier that way. It’s just that he didn’t feel like being lectured on how stupid and self-destructive he was being when he already _knew_. 

He wasn’t going to let anyone ruin this. He only had a few days left, a limited amount of time before he’d have to leave the lake house and return to reality, to his dorm room and classes that sounded all too dreadful right now, to no longer pretending he was Richie’s boyfriend, which was just about the worst of it all. 

Eddie reached towards the nightstand, careful not to shuffle the sleeping boy against him. He picked up his phone, chewing on his bottom lip for a second, before holding down the power button and sliding his thumb across the screen to shut his phone off, placing it back face down on the bedside table. 

He’d apologize profusely to his mother come Sunday when he returned to university in pieces and would have to face the storm of reality. But, right now he was just going to enjoy what time he had left with Richie, with feeling like his heart was going to explode from vast eyes and the touch of chapped lips. 

Richie stirred beside him, turning his head further into Eddie’s shoulder and reaching a hand up to rub at his eyes, cracking one eye open barely, disoriented and still coming out of sleep.

He stretched his gangly legs under the sheets, squinting both eyes open now and looking up at Eddie, blinking before his lips curved into a smile, a soft lazy smile. Eddie ached to kiss him. 

“Morning, spaghetti,” Richie said, voice groggy from sleep, shifting his head off of Eddie to lie back on his pillow, loosening his hand from where it’d been holding Eddie’s arm to rest in the sheets between them. 

Eddie smiled and turned over onto his side, facing dark eyes and a freckled nose. “Good morning.” 

Richie reached out and traced Eddie’s smile gently with the tip of his finger. Eddie’s breath hitched at the touch. 

They stared at each other silently for a moment; Richie’s gaze heavy and deep and Eddie had stopped breathing, feeling like he was floating. 

“Me and you today,” Richie whispered, squinting. Eddie knew he couldn’t see shit without his glasses.

“Hm?” Eddie’s heart was pounding. 

“Just me and you today,” Richie repeated, bringing his hand back to rest under his cheek, smile growing a little wider, a little sweeter. 

Eddie stared at him, trying to find his voice, trying to talk himself down from believing there was any possible way Richie could reciprocate his feelings, that maybe this wasn’t all one-sided, like maybe Eddie had a chance. 

He nodded, and Richie reached out to punch his arm playfully, and all hope drained from Eddie. 

“No family bullshit today. Just you and me, spaghetti head, come on.” Richie grinned before rolling out of bed, shoving his glasses onto his face and heading towards the bathroom to take a piss, leaving Eddie a mess in the sheets. 

Not the _right_ kind of mess.

Eddie groaned and turned onto his stomach, burying his face in the pillow, kicking his feet. 

_You and me._

\--

Richie started running when he reached the grass of the backyard, ignoring Beverly yelling from the pool asking where the hell they were going. Apparently, he wasn’t kidding when he’d said they were hanging out alone today and that made Eddie beam. 

Richie was sprinting wildly towards the lake, so of course Eddie followed. 

“Why the fuck are we running?” Eddie called, panting under the hot sun as he jogged to catch up.

Richie looked over his shoulder with a toothy grin and laughed, making Eddie nearly trip over a rock as they reached the shoreline. He stumbled, catching his balance before he fell and continued after the other boy, shaking his head. 

Richie stopped abruptly when he hopped onto the wooden dock, turning to face Eddie, smile unwavering, face flushed as he caught his breath. Eddie nearly ran right into his bare chest, reeling back on the balls of his feet before they collided and sent both of them tumbling into the shallow water, Richie grabbing his wrist to steady him. 

“Because if we run nobody can catch us,” Richie said seriously after a moment, tilting his head and raising his eyebrows, like that would answer all of Eddie’s questions. 

_Maybe it did._

Eddie looked away from brown eyes, because if he didn’t he might get far too lost in them, or think far too hard about them, and he was already burning. 

Richie sniffed and let go of his wrist, Eddie’s arm dropping weakly back to his side. 

“What do you say? Ready to swim?” Richie asked, and Eddie looked back from the lake to him and smiled. He ignored his mother’s voice in his head. 

“Let’s do it.” He wasn’t letting her ruin this for him.

“Race you to the end of the dock?” 

Richie didn’t give Eddie a chance to respond before he took off down the pier, running for the water and Eddie laughed and chased after him even though he knew he was going to lose. 

“You fucking cheater!” Eddie called, hearing Richie’s howl of a laugh right before he jumped off the end of the dock, Eddie following right behind him, pushing off the wooden planks and holding his nose.

He felt that rush in his gut- that thrill of falling as Eddie held his breath, letting the lake catch him and pull him underwater, pull him right behind Richie. 

The water was even cooler today, which made no sense because it was nevertheless scorching hot out, but it still felt nice despite the chill, making Eddie focus, making him think more clearly. That was a good thing. 

He swam to the surface, popping up right after Richie and wiping water from his eyelashes, meeting the other boys beaming face that was right in front of his, and suddenly it didn’t matter how cold the water was, he wasn’t thinking clearly anymore when all he wanted to do was pull that messy brown head of hair in and kiss him. 

“You’re a slow poke, Eds,” Richie teased, and Eddie splashed him, making him break out in more laughter that made Eddie’s heart soar. 

He teased him right back. 

They were being stupid and immature and laughing over the dumbest shit such as how Richie definitely cheated in the race down the dock, yet Eddie loved every second of it. This was how he wanted it to be, stupid and playful and full of laughter, collecting moments he would remember for the rest of his life. 

And no, of course the trip wasn’t always like this. It couldn’t always be the two of them laughing and fooling around when just last night Eddie was made all too aware of how complicated Richie’s life was. But, if just for a couple moments he could make him forget about that, make him smile and earnestly happy, then Eddie thought they’d be okay- that the two of them smiling together had to count for at least something. 

Richie nudged him with his feet underwater and Eddie grinned at him, kicking him back, any excuse for their skin to touch. 

“You know what my favorite thing about you is?” Richie asked, seemingly jokes-aside, the two treading water just a short foot away from each other. 

Eddie smiled softly and tilted his head, holding his breath. “What?” 

Richie looked at him for a long moment, thinking and thinking, and then he smirked and said, “That you run slower than a fucking turtle.” 

Eddie rolled his eyes and splashed him again. 

And the banter and splashing continued until Richie got ahold of both of Eddie’s hands so he couldn’t splash him anymore, bringing them subtly closer together in the water by doing so. They were grinning stupidly at each other and their laughter was slowly trailing off and their gazes were heavy, and Eddie thought they might kiss. 

Instead, Richie laughed manically and pushed him underwater. 

\--

“Are you sure you know how to drive this thing?” Eddie asked hesitantly from where he was now standing back on the dock, looking over Richie who was sitting on a jet ski floating in the water and powering it on. 

“Yes, sir,” Richie drawled as the motor thrummed to life underneath him, glancing over his shoulder up at Eddie and smirking, like he knew exactly what he was doing even though Eddie was pretty sure he didn’t. He raised his eyebrows questionably. “Don’t you trust me?” 

“No,” Eddie lied. Of course he did. That was the scariest part. 

“Come on, Eds. Pull that stick out of your ass. It’ll be fun, I promise.” 

Eddie sighed loudly, ignoring Richie’s comment and climbing onto the back of the jet ski, because at this point, _why the fuck not?_

It immediately started wobbling back and forth in the water, Eddie grabbing ahold of Richie’s shoulder, so he didn’t go falling into the lake. He held on until he could safely settle his weight behind him without fear of the whole thing capsizing. He heard Richie chuckling as he finally breathed and let go.

Richie unhooked the cord that was tying the jet ski to the dock and they started to slowly bob away. He grabbed onto the handlebars, fingers on the throttle, looking about ready to go before deciding against it and looking back over his shoulder at Eddie. 

“Uh, Eddie- you have to hold onto me or you’re going to go flying off the back,” he said, smiling humorously and making Eddie blink dumbly as if he didn’t understand the words. 

“Oh,” Eddie huffed, and then he was looking from Richie’s eyes to his naked back and his heart rate picked up thinking about what he was about to do. Eddie slowly slid his arms around Richie’s torso, settling them comfortably around his stomach, and it shouldn’t have felt new because he’d practically had his arms around Richie all week. But, this felt different. This wasn’t for show, this wasn’t pretending. It was just the two of them now, and although they were just riding a jet ski and it was a necessity that Eddie held onto him, it still felt warm and intimate. 

He hesitantly dropped his chin to Richie’s shoulder and hugged him closer, warmth settling inside him. This was where he belonged. 

He saw the curve of Richie’s lips upwards in his peripheral. Eddie bit his bottom lip and smiled. 

“Okay, hold on tight, skipper!” Richie howled, and then without further delay, he squeezed the throttle and they shot forward across the lake, water splashing up at them as the jet ski flew. 

Eddie wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but he certainly wasn’t prepared for how fast they were actually moving, immediately tightening his grip around Richie and holding on for dear life as he watched the speedometer inch closer to seventy as they accelerated. “Jesus Christ, Richie- Slow down!” 

It was terrifying, yet exhilarating, and Eddie began to realize with each cut of the jet ski through the water that he was loving the thrill of it. And more importantly, Richie looked damn good driving the thing, with the wind whipping back his hair and nothing but excitement plastered across his face. Eddie reveled in it. 

Richie steered them left, spraying them with water, and then to the right, Eddie laughing nervously into his shoulder as they bounced across the lake, feeling something like invincible. 

Richie yelled out into the void as they picked up speed, pure joy and elation, and Eddie found himself shouting with him, both hollering and laughing across the lake like two kids having the time of their life. Eddie couldn’t remember ever feeling so limitless. 

“Where are we going?” Eddie yelled into Richie’s ear over the sounds of the motor, wind and water. Richie turned a corner in the lake, heading towards the far side where the houses had disappeared, and the landscape turned up into a high cliff enveloped by woodlands. 

“You’ll see,” Richie promised, and Eddie clung onto him, curved against his spine, fitting his chin in the arc of his shoulder, looking past him at the vast of blue-green water and the large rock wall they were fast approaching. 

Eddie’s stomach was starting to spin with anxiety, but he held on. 

As they neared the cliff, Richie steered them right, along the edge where water met land, down the line a while until the rock slowly descended into level shore ground and Richie eased up on the throttle, slowing them down. 

They floated into shallower water, closing in on where the lake turned into a rocky beach, and Richie cut the engine before hopping off ungracefully into the water that stopped just below his waist, a yank of his hand halting the jet ski’s forward motion. 

The jet ski rocked with Richie’s movement and Eddie tried to grip the seat for something else to hold onto in fear the whole thing would tip, but Richie caught his forearm and held onto him. 

“I got you,” Richie said, eyes bright and sincere as he helped Eddie off the jet ski and into the water with him. 

Eddie was able to breathe a little easier once he was standing back on two feet and Richie had let go. 

Richie yanked the jet ski closer to shore- Eddie trying, and failing, not to gawk as he did so- before he tied it up to a larger rock outside the water, so it wouldn’t float away. 

“Is that thing secure?” Eddie asked, staring at the jet ski skeptically. “I don’t want to get stranded out here.”

“Yes, Eddie.” Richie tugged hard on the cord and it surprisingly held to the rock. “O ye, of little faith!”

Eddie followed Richie, splashing with his feet through the water until he was stepping onto dry rocks behind him and looking at the grinning boy with so many questions on his mind, like, for example, where the fuck were they going? 

“Okay, chivvy along, young chap,” Richie said with a thick accent, turning on his heels and heading into the woods without any sort of explanation, Eddie staring after him with furrowed eyebrows for a moment before inevitably following after him. 

They started walking uphill, weaving through trees, toes sinking into dirt and grass, Richie leading the way. Eddie kept brushing up against leaves and branches, and he was slowly growing more and more irritated by it.

“Richie?” 

“Hm?” 

“Where the fuck are we going?” 

“Patience, my dear. You’ll see.” 

Eddie threw back his head and groaned, because he kind of hated surprises, yet he still continued after Richie as the hill they were headed up grew steeper and steeper. 

When they’d finally reached some flat ground, Eddie thought the hiking was over with until Richie began climbing up a short part of the cliff that had appeared to the left of them and Eddie just gaped at him. 

“Nope, nuh-uh,” he shook his head exaggeratedly, crossing his arms across his chest, because _seriously?_ Richie had to be kidding. He wasn’t about to try to mount a cliff. 

Richie laughed- a barking sound that almost had Eddie rethinking- his feet clinging to a groove of the elevated rock he was attempting to scale. Richie looked over his shoulder, seeing Eddie’s expression, and only laughed harder, nearly falling from the rock with how much his body was shaking in amusement. “I promise we’re almost there. The view is amazing. Come on, you have to see it!” 

“No.”

“Don’t be such a drama queen,” Richie teased, turning back to continue climbing. 

“Me? A drama queen? You have to be fucking kidding.” Eddie sighed roughly and looked at the cliff- _and_ by default at Richie’s ass- and surveyed it. It really wasn’t a hard climb with the way the rock curved like a slope and the large grooves served as practically steps. Surely Richie would give him a hand up and wasn’t that just another excuse for them to touch? 

Eddie hated how desperate he’d become. 

He took a deep breath and stepped closer to the rock, looking up at where Richie had now settled, leaning against the curve at the top where he was outside of the shade of the trees, looking down at Eddie with a soft encouraging smile, face glowing in the sun. 

And how could Eddie say no to that? When Richie was looking at him like that with eyes burning harmoniously into his skin, when Eddie’s heart was skipping beats in his chest, how could he say no? 

So, he didn’t. 

The only thing he had to worry about was getting back down. 

Eddie started forward, putting his foot on the rock and hefting himself upwards, grabbing onto stone where his hands found it and climbing up a lot easier than he would have imagined, until he could reach Richie’s outstretched hand. 

There palms met, and Richie’s long fingers curled around his hand and pulled him the rest of the way up, Eddie stumbling up onto the flat surface until he was standing at the top, not even looking out at the view, but rather at Richie and his blazing eyes because that was a view in itself.

Richie tilted his head and smiled knowingly, and Eddie was a little too stunned to smile back. He wiped his dirty hands on his shorts.

“You’re looking the wrong way,” Richie noted, and Eddie blinked out of it as Richie placed both of his hands on either side of Eddie’s arms to turn him around in place. 

Then, Eddie was no longer looking into brilliant eyes, but out over the cliff at the expanse of blue water beneath them, the lake glinting under the sun and Stan’s birds chirping around them. Richie still had his hands on Eddie’s upper arms, holding him in place and Eddie was lost in all of it. 

“Wow,” was all he managed, and he felt Richie chuckle next to his ear. 

“Sweet view, right?” 

It was so much more than just sweet. It was breathtaking and not just because of how beautiful it was, but because everything seemed to start and end with this lake. Everything began with Richie bringing him here, with the two of them spending countless of hours together here, with Eddie’s heart growing here. 

And it would all end here. When Eddie left there’d be no going back, there’d be no reliving this feeling of undeniable happiness, there’d be no more Richie and Eddie. This was it and Eddie was going to soak it all up when he still had the chance. 

He walked slowly out towards the edge of the cliff, out of Richie’s touch, but never out of his reach, admiring the lake and the horizon and the sound of the boy breathing behind him. Eddie looked down, down at the water sparkling beneath them, and then his heart stopped as it became clear as day what they were doing up here. 

He turned back rather abruptly to meet Richie’s gaze that wasn’t even on the view, but instead already on him. When Richie saw his expression, he worried his eyebrows together and frowned. 

“I’m not jumping,” Eddie blurted, and Richie’s face relaxed immediately, a mix of amusement and something else coloring his eyes. 

“Come on, Eds. Don’t make me do it alone.” 

“No,” Eddie shook his head wildly, and _fuck_ , how could those words already make him so uncertain about his decision. “I’m not jumping,” he repeated, probably trying to convince more of himself at this point, because if he jumped there’d be no going back. But, maybe he was already far past that point. 

This wasn’t a boat or a dock. This was a _fucking_ cliff and Eddie knew that under any other circumstances he wouldn’t want to jump off it, even if he claimed to not be afraid of heights. No matter how many other people might find joy by doing so, cliff jumping had definitely never been on Eddie’s bucket list. 

But, this was _Richie_ and he remembered how he felt jumping off the boat with him and jumping off the pier with him. He remembered how it made Richie feel and Eddie wanted to give that to him- that feeling of freedom the other boy needed. _Hell_ , maybe Eddie even needed that, too. 

“Hey.” Richie stepped forward right into his space, reaching up to cup Eddie’s face between his hands, eyes locked with his and Eddie suddenly couldn’t breathe or think or do anything, his brain shutting off and his heart picking up. 

They just looked at each other for a long moment, before Richie finally spoke again. 

“You know what my favorite thing about you is?” he whispered, and Eddie’s eyes were fighting to flicker down to Richie’s lips, feeling his breath practically ghosting against his own, feeling that tingle. “Hm?” Richie pressed for a response, brushing his thumbs gently across Eddie’s cheeks. 

“What?” Eddie barely breathed, blue on brown, air growing thicker by the second around them. 

“That you are the most selfless person I’ve ever met. That you have the biggest heart. That I know you would jump off this cliff with me if I really needed you to.” 

Eddie stared at him, forgetting how to move, forgetting how to speak, forgetting how to breathe. 

“But, we don’t have to,” Richie finished, and Eddie’s heart was in his throat, watching Richie’s gaze flicker to his lips and then right back up, open and honest. 

Eddie swallowed thickly, not able to look away with Richie’s hands holding his face, slowly melting him. 

“We don’t have to,” Eddie repeated softly, thinking about what he was about to say before he said it. “But, we’re going to.” 

Richie’s eyebrows furrowed together, and Eddie really wished they didn’t, aching to reach up and rub the crease in his forehead away. 

“No, Eds,” Richie said, shaking his head slowly. “You’re scared.” Eddie’s eyes widened a little in surprise before Richie quickly added softly, reassuringly, “It’s okay to be scared.” He had a strange feeling they weren’t talking about cliff jumping anymore.

Eddie softened under Richie’s touch because of course it was okay to be scared. He knew deep down Richie was scared of something, too, and maybe that’s why they were in this whole situation to begin with, pretending to be dating.

Eddie was scared of a lot of things but taking that jump with Richie wasn’t one of them. Nerve wracking, yes, but Eddie wasn’t scared. He knew that ending, he knew the water would catch him and pull him under, but he would resurface eventually to breathe. 

Eddie couldn’t say the same about his heart. 

“I’ve been scared my whole life. I don’t want to be scared anymore,” he said quietly, nodding in between Richie’s touch and lifting his own hands to place over his, fingers weaving between the cracks of Richie’s. “I’m not scared of this. I’m not scared to jump with you.” 

“No?” Richie asked, a glint of something behind his eyes that Eddie couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

“No,” Eddie smiled and all he wanted to do was kiss him. All he wanted to do was lean forward and finally press their lips together, so he could breathe again, so he could feel that miraculous explosion in his heart again. 

But, he couldn’t. 

Instead, he heard his mother loudly in his ear, reminding him that this _wasn’t_ right, that he _should_ be scared, that this was a _sickness_ \- and he couldn’t keep her at bay no matter how hard he tried. He reached for his pocket, searching blindly for his inhaler that wasn’t there. He’d left it back at the house.

“What’s wrong?”

Eddie stared widely at Richie, his breath suddenly coming quicker and strangled. “Nothing- I-” He patted his swim trunks, but it wasn’t there.

Richie looked worried, expression turning into a deep scowl. “What- Are you having an asthma attack or something?”

Eddie tried to breathe. “I don’t have asthma- I-”

“What do you mean you don’t have asthma? You carry around an inhaler-”

“It’s not- I don’t-” Eddie could feel his heart palpitating, and not because of Richie this time.

“Hey,” Richie looked like he was starting to freak out. He dropped his hands to Eddie’s shoulders and took a step closer to him. “Just breathe. You’re gonna be okay.”

Eddie looked up at him and knew he most definitely wasn’t. But, he took a deep breath anyways, and then another one, and another one until he felt steady in front of Richie and the ringing in his ears had stopped.

Richie looked more panicked than Eddie had felt.

“Relax, I’m fine,” Eddie said, wanting that frown off of Richie’s face as quickly as possible, taking another deep breath, feeling lighter. “I just got lost for a second.”

Richie chewed on his lip. “Lost where?”

Eddie sighed lightly and thought about it. Where had he gotten lost? It seemed like too many places. “In my head,” he said.

Richie lifted his hand and brushed it through Eddie’s short hair gently. “What goes on in that noggin of yours?”

_Too much._ He wanted to tell Richie. He didn’t know how.

“Nothing- it’s just sometimes my mom…” Eddie trailed off. He wasn’t sure how to put it into words.

“Is a real nut case- you told me. A freak in the sheets- I know,” Richie said, light smile returning, and Eddie punched him in the arm.

“Shut up, no.” He couldn’t fight his smile.

Richie traced it with his eyes, his own growing wider. “Okay, I’m listening,” he promised.

Eddie looked down at his bare feet in the dirt. She’d hate it if she knew. 

“I just feel trapped sometimes, you know?” He started, smile fading. “My mother, she was extremely controlling when I was growing up. I can still hear her in my head sometimes,” he admitted, quiet and frustrated. “It’s suffocating.”

Richie didn’t say anything. Eddie thought he should probably stop talking, but he couldn’t.

“My whole life she made me feel sick, she kept me on a leash. She told me I had asthma and I believed her. I always carried around an inhaler- and now that I know the _truth_ , I still can’t breathe without it. I still feel sick.”

Richie brought his hand back to Eddie’s cheek, brushing his thumb across his skin, and Eddie looked up at him.

“You’re not sick,” Richie said, shaking his head, eyes wide and earnest.

Eddie _knew_. He knew that, right?

He wanted to kiss him. Richie pulled him into a tight hug instead.

Eddie fell into it, breathing easier in Richie’s arms. 

“I want to jump with you,” he said into the crook of his shoulder after a moment, so sure of himself. He couldn’t hear his mom over the overwhelming smell of Richie.

Richie nodded against him, letting go of Eddie to look at him again, grabbing ahold of one of his hands and lacing their fingers together properly. “Let’s jump, then.” He flashed a toothy smile that lightened the atmosphere.

“Yeah, let’s jump,” Eddie laughed, a little nervously, looking at Richie with nothing, but adoration. Richie squeezed his hand and Eddie felt strong. They walked towards the edge.

“On three?” Richie asked, just like when they were on the boat, although this felt so much different- the same words holding a much greater meaning. For both of them or just Eddie himself, he wasn’t so sure. 

Eddie nodded. “On three.” 

“One... two... three!” 

One second they were at the top of the cliff and the next they were plummeting to the bottom together, both yelling out as wind pushed through them and they fell and fell, hands somehow remaining clasped together, connecting them in the air. Eddie barely remembered to hold his breath at the last second before the lake took him, pulling him deep under, suddenly thankful that the water was deep enough, that there weren’t any rocks to break his fall, but he knew Richie would take care of him. There was an unbreakable amount of trust there. 

Richie started swimming to the surface before he did, dragging him by the hand back up, Eddie trailing behind him until they broke through the water with another splash. 

They both gasped for air and then they were laughing ridiculously, Eddie throwing his head back and looking up at the blue sky as he giggled, floating in the water, heart coming down from a high, absorbing the thrill. 

They floated together until their laughter died down, until they were breathing normally again, until Eddie’s heart settled, until it’d dawned on them on what they’d just did. 

“There’s no one else I’d rather jump off a cliff with,” Richie said, breaking the silence after a while. 

Eddie smiled up at the sky before turning his head in the water to look at the other boy, brown eyes already on his. He had only one answer to that. 

“Me neither.” 

They swam back to the jet ski together and rode it across the lake back to the house, Eddie perfectly content holding Richie close to him and resting his head on his shoulder as the lake and everything else in the world blurred past them. 

\--

That night, Richie took him by the hand and led him from where they’d been playing videogames in the house, outside past the pool and down towards the lake to join the rest of the losers where they were building a fire on the shore. 

The temperature had dropped significantly with the sun going down, Eddie now snuggled up in one of Richie’s oversized hoodies, settling between his legs where they sat by the fire, warming right up with the other’s arms wrapping around him. 

It was a rather lopsided bonfire that Mike and Ben had constructed from broken branches they’d found in the woods, and the only real reason it was burning tall orange flames was because of the copious amount of lighter fluid that Bill and Richie had taken turns squirting onto it. 

Beverly had brought Richie’s old guitar down and was strumming mindlessly on it, humming the verse of a song that sounded familiar, but Eddie wasn’t quite sure what was yet, while Stan and Bill chatted quietly amongst themselves and Mike continued poking at the fire with a stick. 

It wasn’t until the chorus hit and Richie was singing the lyrics in his ear that Eddie recognized the song, something he used to hear a long time ago on the radio. 

_Now I'm free, I'm free fallin'_

Richie tapped his fingers against Eddie’s forearms and Eddie rocked back and forth in his arms, holding onto sleeves, listening to Richie’s voice singing soft and husky and off tune for his ears only. 

_Yeah, I'm free, free fallin'_

Eddie never felt so at home. 

After Beverly had set down the guitar, Ben ripped open a bag of marshmallows, poking them on sticks and passing them around the fire for everyone to roast over the flame, Richie a little too excited for the upcoming sugar intake. 

Richie held his marshmallow next to Eddie’s over the fire, occasionally hitting his stick against Eddie’s just to tease him, and Eddie rolled his eyes every time, but it was always so fondly, so full of love. 

And when Richie had burnt his marshmallow to a crisp, he pulled it out of the fire, Eddie watching a little enviously as Beverly helped him stick it between chocolate and two graham crackers and smeared sticky marshmallow fluff across cheeks.

The thing was though, when Richie wiped his face and got his s’more in his hand and threw his stick behind him, it was Eddie’s head he pressed a loud kiss to and wrapped his free arm around, hand immediately finding Eddie’s in his lap. So maybe- just maybe- there was no _reason_ for Eddie to feel jealous, not when Richie was only making advances towards him. Even if it was _just_ acting, he wasn’t showing any interest in Bev when Eddie was around and that had to count for something, because Bev was gorgeous. 

So, Eddie pushed those thoughts aside and focused his attention on the boy holding him and eating his messy s’more and telling stupid stories. It was the perfect way to end a day. 

Eddie had more hope than in previous days that they could be friends after this, that when his heart healed they could spend more days like this together, that Richie would always be a part of his life and not just a heartbreaking memory. 

When he turned his head to look at the other boy, he found his lips covered in marshmallow and Eddie grinned at the gross sight, reaching up to wipe the stickiness away with his thumb. 

“You’re a fucking dork,” Eddie laughed, and Richie raised his eyebrows at him humorously, licking his lips. 

“I love you,” Eddie admitted, heart throbbing in his chest.

Richie’s lips curved up into a soft smile as he tilted his head towards him, their foreheads touching. “I love you, too, Eds.” 

They kissed, and the taste was almost bittersweet.


	7. Tongue Tied

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> read the tags proceed with caution xD

Stretching out in bed, breaking out of sleep and looking for his human blanket with a small smile curling onto his face, Eddie was confused to say the least when his hands came up empty, the familiar warm skin missing from the sheets next to him. 

He opened his eyes and frowned. 

It was the first day he’d woken up without Richie lying beside him in bed, the other boy usually still quiet and fast asleep at this hour. And now that Eddie _wasn’t_ waking up next to Richie, he felt a little empty inside, a little unfulfilled knowing the first thing he was going to see wasn’t Richie’s face. 

_He better start getting used to it._

Eddie tried not to think too much of it, hoping Richie had just wanted to get an earlier start to the day and instead wasn’t having trouble sleeping, wasn’t overthinking things Eddie didn’t want him to overthink. 

Eddie was finding the empty sheets sort of depressing, so he turned over to look at the far wall instead, outside through the glass doors where the blinds had been tied back, revealing the balcony and lake in the horizon. 

The light was a little dimmer outside than usual, Eddie finding the sun covered in thick clouds and no longer producing those glowing rays that lit up the bedroom through the windows. It left the lake looking dark and grey. 

It was _also_ depressing. 

Eddie sighed, rolling out of bed and heading into the bathroom to shower and get dressed for the day, knowing he probably wouldn’t feel any better until he was looking into a set of dark four eyes. 

It wasn’t until he’d finished getting ready and opened up the bedroom door to head downstairs that he heard the yelling. 

Eddie froze for a second outside the door, eyes growing wide, listening to the muffled shouting and praying he wasn’t hearing correctly. He couldn’t make out the words, just the echo bouncing off the hallway walls, but it sounded ugly. 

He visibly flinched when he heard a crash, something like glass breaking, and the yelling continued. 

With a cold spine and a pounding heart, Eddie slowly moved through the hallway and towards the staircase, slowly creeping down the steps, holding his breath, dread and worry spinning in the pit of his stomach. His hand found his inhaler in his pocket.

As he moved closer to the bottom floor, to the kitchen where the source of the screaming seemed to be coming from, he could start to make out words, bits of sentences. He recognized Went’s harsh tone immediately, catching just fragments as his ears strained to listen. 

“We’re a family--” 

“You don’t get to--”

“Selfish and spoiled rotten--” 

“I am done putting--”

“You will do as I say!” 

Eddie swallowed hard, the fight getting louder and louder as he reached the hardwood floor beneath the stairs, hearing more and more, freezing once again in place. 

“How fucking blind are you? You think this is how a family acts?” _That_ was Richie’s voice.

Eddie’s heart was suddenly in his throat. 

“I am so _sick_ of listening to your fucking empty threats! If you want to threaten me than just do it already! Pull the plug! What the fuck are you waiting for?” There was banging, like Richie was hitting his hands against the counter after every word and Eddie flinched at the sound. “You’re right! I never gave a shit about you or this family! You think that’s going to change? You think I’ll come back here? To live under the same roof as you? You know for someone who claims to be so smart you’re so fucking stupid!” 

“Don’t you dare walk away from me, Richard! Get back here!” 

Eddie heard the back door slide open roughly, then slam shut, rattling with the force of it, kitchen settling into dead silence. He expected the glass to shatter, but somehow it managed to stay in one piece, which was more than could be said about the Tozier family. 

Eddie was too shocked to move. 

It was silent for three long seconds before there was the sound of loud feet leaving the room, another slamming door muffled from the other side of the house, Eddie quivering in its wake. 

It took him several minutes to remember how to breathe, remember how to move his feet, remember how to feel. The only sound was the soft shuffle of somebody still in the kitchen. 

He walked slowly and hesitantly into the room, unsure of what he was walking into, but only found Maggie with a broom and dustpan, silently sweeping up pieces of broken ceramic that used to assemble a coffee mug from the tile floor. 

Eddie’s eyes widened as realization flickered back and forth inside him. 

Maggie didn’t notice him until she moved to empty the broken pieces into the garbage bin, finally looking up from the floor and eyes growing in surprise when she saw that she wasn’t alone. 

“Oh- Eddie, I didn’t see you there,” she startled, caught off guard, but still offering him a smile, even though everything else about her seemed frantic. 

Eddie stared at her, kind of scowling, tilting his head in confusion before looking to the cabinet behind her, where coffee was still dripping in streaks down the white wood, like the mug had been thrown at it- at someone. 

His stomach ached and twisted. He wanted to hunt down Went Tozier and destroy him. 

She followed his line of sight to the cabinet and quickly moved to grab some paper towels and wipe the coffee away. It still left a brown stain. 

“Richie had a small argument with his father,” she offered in explanation, throwing out the soiled paper towels and tilting her head towards the back door that Eddie had just heard slam deafeningly. 

Nothing about that fight had sounded small. 

“Maybe you should go talk to him, honey. I’m sure he wants to see you,” she added lightly. 

Everything about Eddie felt so heavy. 

He looked towards the glass windows on the back wall, through them and all the way down by the lake where he saw the speck of Richie in the distance, throwing rocks into the water. 

His heart squeezed painfully in his chest, longing to close the distance between him and the other boy, longing to make everything okay again. 

He watched Richie bend down to pick up another stone from the shore, bringing it behind his head and chucking it like a baseball into the water, watching it soar and then sink. 

Eddie wanted nothing more than to save him. 

He shook his head, forcing himself to glance back to Maggie, and for the first time since being there, he saw her as nothing more than a coward- nothing more than a weak and scared woman hiding behind a head of wild blonde curls and a thread of lies. 

He gave her nothing but a tight nod before walking towards the glass door, sliding it open gently, and shutting it behind him just as softly, closing that barrier between him and Richie and the rest of the world. 

He still wasn’t breathing any easier. 

Eddie looked to find Richie still restless in the distance, his hands reaching up to thread deep into his brown hair, fingers curling around strands to pull, but they let go and fell back to his sides just as quickly. He watched him kick his foot at the ground instead, at the rocks, kicking them towards the lake. 

Eddie felt like he could hear the boy’s screaming thoughts loud and clear despite the space between them and it made his heart feel like it was splitting in two. 

The sky was getting darker and darker overhead and Eddie finally moved. 

He wasn’t sure if he walked or ran or sprinted towards the lake, but one second he was standing outside the back door on the patio and the next he was past the pool and almost down the grass hill, because all he knew was he needed to be with Richie and it didn’t matter how he got there. 

Richie’s hands were in tight fists at his sides and he kicked one last stone before turning and scrubbing his hands over his face, pacing along the edge of the shore. He turned back towards the lake where purple clouds were hanging heavily over and collapsed to the ground, sitting and pulling his knees to his chest, burying his face in his lap. 

Eddie felt a rain drop. 

Richie had never looked smaller, curled in on himself just ten feet in front of Eddie, like years had been shaved from his past. 

_Hell_ , maybe they had. 

Eddie’s feet hit the edge of the rocky shore, making a loud enough sound for Richie to jump, head whipping around, and wide eyes filled with panic as they landed on Eddie. 

Eddie nearly froze, seeing Richie’s frightened expression that only worried him even more, but then there was a wave of recognition across the other boy’s face and his shoulders relaxed just slightly, so Eddie proceeded with caution, keeping his eyes locked with those sparkling brown ones with each step towards him. 

Richie’s face was red, but he wasn’t crying, not yet, and Eddie wondered about that. He’d always known Richie was strong, but now it dawned on him _how_ strong that actually was. Despite the mess that this whole situation was, he suddenly felt proud of him, and that managed to warm him just a little. 

Richie rubbed his nose with the back of his hand and turned around to look at the darkening lake, watching small droplets of water plop on the surface where it started to drizzle. 

Eddie sat on the rocky shore beside him, following his gaze out onto the lake, reaching out with one of his hands for the other boy and finding his knee. 

“Eddie-” Richie’s voice caught and Eddie’s heart broke. 

He looked to his left, finding watery eyes already on him and Eddie shook his head, squeezing his knee. 

Richie blinked rapidly, fighting back emotions, moving his hand on top of Eddie’s, fingers cold. “How much did you hear?” he asked softly. 

Eddie shook his head because that didn’t matter. “What happened?” he croaked. 

Richie stared at him, face flushed, and chapped lips parted, gears visibly turning in his head, but he didn’t give him an answer. Instead he sniffed and looked back to the lake, shaking his head lightly. “Don’t worry about it, okay? Everything’s fine.” 

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed together, and he wasn’t going to take that as an answer. Everything wasn’t _fine_. Not with all those words said, and doors slammed, and rocks kicked. Nothing about that was fine and Eddie needed to know that Richie was okay, and he needed to be there for him if he wasn’t. 

He shifted onto his knees and twisted around so he was in front of Richie, facing him, both of his hands settling on both of his bent kneecaps, rocks digging uncomfortably into his shins. 

“ _No_ , Richie. You can talk to me, okay? I need you to talk to me,” Eddie begged, sounding near hysterics, his eyes now the ones starting to fill with tears. All he could picture was this boy in front of him and that coffee mug being heaved at his face, and his heart hurt _so bad_ that he felt sick. 

Eddie sucked in a sharp breath, willing his feelings to go away because this was about Richie, not him. He couldn’t start crying right now, not when Richie was barely holding himself together as is. 

“Hey, Eds-” Richie reached for him, leaning forward, fingers wrapping around his forearms and eyebrows worrying together. “I’ll talk to you. Of course I’ll talk to you. Don’t get upset.” 

“Okay,” Eddie said, looking down, blinking and forcing his emotions to go away to deal with another time. He shouldn’t be reacting this way, but _of course_ he was. He loved Richie, loved him probably more than anything or anyone. So how couldn’t he get upset over someone hurting him, over not knowing what was going on inside his head? “I just--” 

“I know.” Richie squeezed his forearms and Eddie looked back up, right into burning eyes that left heat rising to his cheeks, had him feeling solid under his gaze again. “I know,” Richie repeated softly, leaning forward just a bit and reassuring Eddie with an unwavering promise. “I’m okay... _we’re_ okay.” His eyes never left his. 

Eddie nodded after a moment, heart-hammering, fingers brushing against his knees, against the fabric of Richie’s shorts. “Okay,” he whispered. 

Richie brought his hands back to rub at his own eyes underneath his glasses, clearing them of any tears threatening to spill and letting a soft chuckle escape his lips, something that sounded wrong in the moment, that didn’t quite fit. “Now will you please sit back down next to me and stop freaking me the fuck out,” he laughed shakily. Eddie realized he wasn’t okay. 

Eddie let out a small huff despite that and shook his head, shifting back around to sit next to Richie. “I’m sorry.” 

“Jesus- stop apologizing.” 

Eddie turned his head to meet Richie’s lopsided smile that didn’t quite meet the glint in his eyes and it scared him, scared him enough to have him biting down hard on the inside of his cheek. He needed Richie to talk to him. 

“You worry about me too much,” Richie decided, tilting his head to the side. 

Eddie just looked at him, pleading with his eyes for anything, anything that will settle the uneasiness he felt through Richie’s frenetic expression. “Well, I care about you,” Eddie said quietly, honestly. _More than anything._

Richie stared at him, eyes burning again, and his mouth turned into a grimace. “Maybe you shouldn’t.” 

Eddie’s heart dropped, and his eyebrows knitted together again, and he reached to put his hand on the bare skin of Richie’s wrist, needing to touch him, needing to feel his pulse beneath the pad of his thumb, needing for him to be okay. “What does that even mean?” he asked, fighting a tremble. 

Richie looked down at the fingers on his wrist, and then away, out towards the shady lake where the drizzle was starting to pick up, but not enough to interrupt them yet. 

“It means-” Richie chuckled again, dryly, bitterly, shaking his head and Eddie couldn’t stand the sound of it. “You heard what went on in there, Eddie, come on. My life is a disaster. _I’m_ a disaster. Everyone knows it.” His voice was low, but firm, and Eddie was afraid Richie actually believed it. 

“I brought you here, dragged you into this mess- into my family shit that I knew was going to turn out like this... I provoked my father, forced him into a spot he would lash out in and it worked,” Richie continued, another un-amused laugh, but maybe there was a glint of satisfaction there, too. “And now I can’t even walk through my house without getting something wheeled at my head.” He looked at Eddie, eyes sharp and glimmering, lowering his voice impossibly more without becoming a whisper. “I’m about as fucked up as they come, Eds. So, you just shouldn’t waste your time caring about somebody like me.” He pushed up his glasses that were speckled with raindrops.

Eddie swallowed audibly, burning under the brunette’s unwavering gaze, and there was a lot just said, a lot Eddie needed to address, but there was something else- something more. “What happened?” he asked for the second time that day, hoping he actually got an answer this time. 

Richie sighed and dropped his gaze, looking back at the lake and shifting forward to rest his forearms on his bent knees, tired. He licked his lips and simply said, “I cracked a joke- maybe it was one too many this time. He threatened to stop paying my tuition.” 

Eddie squinted at Richie, turning the words around in his head, letting the meaning sink in before immediately deciding not to believe them. “What?” he asked incredulously, eyes practically bulging from his head in panic. 

He was well aware that it was incredibly selfish for his first thought to be that he would probably never get to see Richie again if he couldn’t return to school, but Eddie’s heart felt like it was being ripped from his chest. He would never be able to bear having to say goodbye after everything that’s happened between them. 

Richie glanced back at him, taking one look at his fear-stricken face and rushed to assure him. 

“No- look, it’s complicated.” Richie moved his hand under Eddie’s that was still at his wrist to tangle their fingers together, turning his body to face him. “He’s been using that against me since the beginning of fall semester. It’s just an empty threat to get me to shut up and behave. He won’t actually do it when he knows it’ll only make me run further.” 

Eddie shook his head, opening his mouth and closing it. He didn’t know what to think or what to say, other than that he fucking loathed Wentworth. 

“I’m not going to be his puppet,” Richie said defiantly, looking down at where his fingers were playing with Eddie’s, resolving his feelings. “He’s got my mom all strung up to do as he says... but he won’t get me.” Richie shook his head and Eddie squeezed his fingers. “I’m not going to let him ruin me like he ruins everything.” 

His words settled absolutely in the breeze that was picking up and the rain that was starting to come down a little harder, turning into more than just a drizzle. Eddie tore his eyes away from Richie to look up at the sky, where drops of water landed cold on his face, falling from dark clouds moving towards them. It was weird that they’d had perfect sunny weather since arriving here, and now of all days, it was going to storm. 

Eddie looked back at Richie and reached with his free hand to brush away the raindrops on his glasses, trailing his hand to rest on his cheek, his soft freckled skin.

“You’re wrong, you know?” Eddie said softly, smiling sadly at the best person he knew in front of him and wishing for nothing more than for Richie to see himself for who he really was. “You’re not fucked up. You’re _not_ a waste of time. You’re so much more than that and I’d do anything- _anything_ to get you to see what I see.” 

Richie looked so vulnerable, staring at him with wide eyes and leaning unnoticeably into his hand- his touch. He dropped his gaze and then returned it before asking quietly, weakly, “What do you see?” 

Eddie brushed his thumb across Richie’s cheek and slid his hand down his face to rest on his warm neck, fingers at the nape of his hair. He saw so much in those bright eyes that he didn’t even know where to begin. There was so much behind that wise ass front that Eddie was just beginning to discover. 

“I see someone who’s brave and strong... who’s welcoming and loyal and would do anything to protect his friends. I see someone with a great sense of humor, that tries to make the best of _every_ situation despite how shitty things are. I see someone with a personality and heart that people immediately fall in love with because you’re that one of a kind and special.” Eddie swallowed, feeling his heart throbbing in his chest, his hand burning against Richie’s skin. “You’re the most passionate person I know, Richie. You’re nothing like the man that raised you.” Richie looked so overwhelmed, so scared of the words and his eyes were sparkling behind those lenses. Eddie squeezed his hand in his again. “You’re fucking awesome,” he whispered over the rain. 

Richie just looked at him for a long moment, emotions racing behind his gaze, and then he smiled- a real smile, where the corners of his lips turned up and met his eyes. “Still kind of a disaster, though?” he asked, and Eddie smiled even though he’d never truly see Richie as just another disaster. 

“Aren’t we all, though?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at the other boy. 

Richie pressed his lips together, scrunching up his face and shaking his head. “Not you.” 

Eddie laughed lightly. “You don’t know that.” He would sure be a disaster when he returned to college and was no longer living this fairytale in his head where him and Richie were in love and lived happily ever after together. 

“I do,” Richie assured him with that charming smile that made Eddie’s stomach and heart flutter. “I know it.” 

They stared at each other, smiling softly for a couple moments before Richie asked, “Do you regret spending spring break here- with me?” Eddie didn’t miss the undeniable doubt in his question, the fear of the answer. 

Eddie let his hand fall off Richie’s neck and back into his own lap, never breaking his gaze, watching drops of rain roll down his skin and leave wet blotches in his Hawaiian shirt. 

“No. Never,” he spoke sincerely, not even needing to think it over in his head before responding. He knew the truth. He knew what it meant. There was nothing uncertain when it came to how he felt about Richie. “I’d do it again. I’d do it a thousand times over if it meant I got to meet you.” 

He’d let his heart break a thousand times over if it meant he got to fall in love like this, with him. 

Richie’s gaze dropped to Eddie’s lips and the air felt so thick, but maybe that was just the storm. 

Eddie was burning. 

“Yeah, me too.” 

The sky opened up suddenly, and it began to pour, and the boys tore their eyes away from each other to look at the lake, at the sky that was trying to drown them. 

“Holy fuck- we’re going to get soaked!” Richie chuckled, a sound that had Eddie’s heart souring again, pounding in his chest. 

Eddie didn’t care. 

Richie pushed up from the rocks, standing quickly and turning in front of Eddie to offer him a hand to his feet. “Come on, Eddie spaghetti!” he called over the wind and rain, flashing that toothy smile that Eddie lived for. 

Eddie blinked, took his hand and was pulled off the ground, and then the two boys were running back towards the house, water down-pouring onto them, drenching them and leaving their clothes heavy and uncomfortable against their skin, but they were laughing none-the-less, like two stupid idiots that hadn’t just been waist deep in the seriousness of reality, like they hadn’t had a care in the world but each other. 

Richie clung tightly to his hand, fingers laced together as he pulled him towards the lake house, past the pool and onto the patio until they were standing in front of that glass barrier and Richie was yanking it open so that they could stumble inside and out of the rain. 

Richie slid the door shut tightly behind them, cutting them off from the storm, and everything had been loud outside, but now it was quiet- so quiet, the only sound the two of them breathing heavily, dripping water onto the tile floor. 

It was dark in the kitchen and living area, the lights had been turned off and with the sun hidden behind dense storm clouds there was no natural light to shine through the wide glass windows. It was dark and empty. 

Their laughter had subsided as they both fought to catch their breath, Eddie turning to look at Richie who had moved from closing the door to stand next to him, reaching back out for his hand and letting their fingers brush against each other’s. 

Eddie shivered, and it wasn’t because he was cold despite being soaking wet in an air-conditioned room. No, he was burning with Richie’s lasting gaze the source of the flames and his touch raising goose bumps to his skin. 

Everything felt in slow motion and tense and Richie’s eyes flickered to Eddie’s lips again and he seemed to resolve something that Eddie had been waiting his life for. 

Richie moved first, but Eddie followed his movement a millisecond after, hands flying up to cup his cheeks and pulling their mouths together, kissing each other. 

This wasn’t any kiss they’d had before. This was different. This was real. 

Their lips pushed desperately against each other’s, bodies stumbling together to close the distance, mouths opening to slot together and gasp the same air. 

Eddie’s face was ablaze where Richie held him still, mouth sweet torture as he kissed him until he was licking inside his mouth and sliding their tongues together, leaving Eddie a wobbly mess. 

Richie maneuvered them around, walking Eddie the short steps backwards till his back was pressing against the wall and the windows and Richie was sliding a leg between his to press their bodies flush against each other. 

Eddie’s head was exploding, and he was panting embarrassingly into Richie’s mouth, but all the other boy did was keep kissing him, flicking his wet tongue against his and tugging their lips together, running his hands from Eddie’s face down his sides, gripping the fabric of his soaked shirt and making his toes curl. 

Eddie’s hands tangled into dripping brown locks of hair, grasping onto Richie as well as his sanity, his heart wrecking his chest as he lost himself in a hot mouth that tasted like Listerine and cigarettes. His nose was shoved uncomfortably against Richie’s wet glasses, but he didn’t care as long as Richie kept kissing him.

It could have been just seconds or minutes they were frantically kissing each other and sucking on each other’s tongues like their lives depended on it before a throat clearing had Richie freezing against him and his lips pulling immediately away. 

Richie jumped back, turning around to the source of the noise and Eddie’s eyes shot open to find Maggie standing in the entrance to the kitchen with her eyebrows raised and a laundry basket in her hands. 

Eddie brushed his fingers across his swollen lips, feeling the ghost of Richie’s mouth and tongue there, and something began sinking painfully inside him. 

“Oh my! You boys are soaking wet!” Maggie exclaimed, looking between the two of them, her only surprise over their dripping state. “How did you manage to get caught out in the rain?” 

Eddie couldn’t focus. Dread was quickly creeping up inside him. How could he be so stupid?

The room was silent, and Maggie stared at them expectantly. Why the fuck wasn’t Richie saying anything? 

He had to have known she was there and that she was going to walk into the room. Richie had only kissed him because he knew his mother was going to see. None of this had been real. This was just another part of the charade. Whatever had happened outside between them was different- was just platonic, how it was supposed to be between them, how it would always be between them. 

Richie would never _really_ kiss him. Eddie felt sick. 

He sucked in a breath and glanced to his side at Richie, still wondering why the fuck he wasn’t answering his mom and wondering if he should just speak up for him, but Eddie didn’t trust his own voice right now, not when he was feeling so broken. 

The trashmouth was frozen next to him, eyes wide like a deer in the headlights, as if he’d been caught red-handed, doing something he shouldn’t have been doing. Which _that_ didn’t make any sense, because according to this fake relationship they were in it was perfectly normal for them to be seen kissing each other by his mother. _Hell_ , that was the whole purpose. They’d been doing that all week. 

“We were down by the lake and it just started down-pouring,” Eddie managed, eyes on Richie, eyebrows furrowed together, unsure. 

“Ah, well, there’s clean towels in the closet upstairs. Richard, go on, get in some dry clothes before you two catch pneumonia,” Maggie said with a concerned smile and Richie seemed to snap out of it, nodding kind of dumbly at his mother before leading the way past her and upstairs. 

Eddie followed quietly behind him, his thoughts racing and his heart hurting. He didn’t know what to think, what was the truth. 

They walked into their bedroom, and Richie hovered by the doorway, rubbing awkwardly at his nose, underneath his glasses, his kiss-swollen lips. He wouldn’t look at Eddie. “I’ll- uh- go get us some towels.” 

Eddie watched him leave, frowning at him, dropping his gaze to the carpet and shifting awkwardly in his wet clothes. He kicked off his shoes and stared hard at the ground, trying to sort through what the fuck just happened, make some sort of sense of it in his head. 

Richie had been caught off guard when he heard somebody else in the room downstairs. He hadn’t known she would see. He had been kissing him for real. 

But, what if his reaction had just been acting? What if he wanted his mom to think they were making out because they figured they were alone? 

Eddie felt the hope slowly draining out of him. 

Richie re-entered the room, closing the door quietly behind him, and he dropped two folded white towels down on the end of the bed. He still wouldn’t look at Eddie. 

Eddie watched him run both his hands over his face and then pull his wet shirt over his head, the smaller boy fighting to keep his eyes from falling to that newly exposed skin, because now was not the time to be ogling. 

He failed. 

Eddie hadn’t even felt himself shaking, hadn’t heard his teeth chattering until it was enough to finally grab Richie’s attention and get him to turn and look at him. 

“Eddie, you have to change out of your wet clothes,” he said, but Eddie didn’t understand. His mind was too occupied with a flood of questions over what was real and what was fake and how he felt and what he knew in his heart Richie felt. 

Richie stared at him and when he realized Eddie wasn’t going to move, he moved for him. 

“Come on.” He stepped towards him and reached for the hem of his polo, pulling it up, tugging where the wet fabric stuck to Eddie’s skin, and Eddie let him yank it over his head even though it did nothing to help answer any of his questions. 

Richie dropped the wet shirt to the ground, now staring at Eddie’s naked chest instead of meeting his gaze. They were so close and breathing and Eddie was still shaking. 

“Are you going to make me take off your pants too, or can you handle that?” Richie asked lowly, a hint of humor that was missing that toothy smile. 

Eddie couldn’t laugh, couldn’t push him away and run to the bathroom to undress out of his shorts and soaked through boxers like his conscious was screaming at him to. 

He needed to know. 

“Richie,” Eddie said softly, and the other boy looked up, meeting his gaze with vivid eyes and dilated pupils. There were so many unspoken questions that Eddie begged to be answered through them. Were they just pretending? Was Eddie just imagining this? Was this all just a part of the game Richie brought him here for? 

Those brilliant honest eyes stared back at him timidly, and Richie shook his head once. “Fuck-” 

Richie brought his hands up to Eddie’s neck and pulled him forward to kiss him, that heat and spark rising up inside Eddie immediately, warming his body and pressing him into the kiss, picking up right where they left off. 

This was actually happening. 

Their desperate and breathtaking kisses overlapped until their mouths were molding together and lips were parting so tongues could slip between teeth and lick wet and hot against each other. Eddie’s hands found Richie’s hips and tugged him forward, knocking into each other with stumbling feet trying to keep their balance. 

It was clumsy, and their eagerness was getting the best of them because they’d waited too long for this, too much want and can’t have over the past seven days to not let the desire take over when it was finally here, when they were alone and finally kissing for just the two of them. 

Richie threaded his fingers into Eddie’s short hair; tugging on the wet locks and sucking on his bottom lip, making Eddie whine into his mouth, making his hips buck forward against his, Richie humming approvingly. 

Richie was everywhere, and Eddie was on fire and he loved it. 

Eddie memorized every touch, every movement of Richie’s tongue in his mouth, every beat of his own heart. This was real- so real that it was hard for Eddie to believe he wasn’t dreaming. This was everything he’d wanted and more. 

Richie was moving them, turning them both around and guiding Eddie till the back of his knees hit the edge of the bed and he fell backwards onto the mattress, Richie right behind him, impressively not breaking their lips, swiping the clean towels sitting on the bed out of the way with his arm. 

Eddie’s hands slid up to find the bare skin of Richie’s back, pressing into the warmth, pulling him down closer to him, leaning his head up to kiss him hard. Richie’s hands were sliding down his sides, making Eddie quiver at the touch, making Richie press his body further against him. 

It was kind of an awkward position, with Eddie half lying on the bed and Richie leaning over him, wet shorts and all, but they were too focused on the sounds coming from each other’s mouths to care. 

Richie finally broke the kiss to breathe, lips popping apart and chasing back together for another chaste kiss, Eddie allowing his eyes to flutter back open as Richie straightened a little and looked down at him, eyes scorching with lust, Eddie’s skin flushed. His glasses were lopsided and slipping, and Richie tore them off his face and chucked them across the room.

They both gasped for air, chests heaving, squinted gazes locked together. 

Richie leaned down to kiss him again, lips pressing eagerly together, and reached down to fumble with Eddie’s shorts, undoing them and yanking them down his legs. 

Eddie broke the kiss, sitting up to push himself higher on the bed and further out of his shorts that Richie was still holding onto, until the brunette was shaking them off his feet and throwing them to the floor before turning to handle his own. 

Eddie watched him a little impatiently as he struggled to yank his own wet shorts down his damp skin, enough so he could kick them the rest of the way off, nearly tripping as they caught around one of his ankles, and Eddie stifled a laugh. He climbed onto the bed once he was freed of them, pushing Eddie back until he was pressed into the mattress and Richie was hovering over him, reconnecting their lips. 

Richie situated himself between Eddie’s legs and with the only barrier between them being two thin pairs of boxers; it wasn’t long at all before they were both hard and rocking against each other. 

There was a lot of tongue and soft moans and pressing fingers and Eddie was so gone, so in love, so hot and bothered. 

Richie moved down, kissing the corner of his lips, his jaw, his neck, kissing and biting and sucking at the skin above his collarbone, all while continuing to grind his hips down against Eddie’s, making his breath catch each time in motion. 

Richie’s hands slid to the hem of Eddie’s boxers, hooking his thumbs underneath the waistband and nipping at his skin, halting the circular movement of his hips so that he could slowly slide them down. 

Eddie whined, and Richie lifted his head to kiss him, slipping his tongue easily inside his parted lips. 

Eddie did his best to kick his boxers the rest of the way off while simultaneously losing himself in Richie’s mouth, feeling Richie’s burning hand along his bare thigh, the curve of his ass, and Eddie was quickly forgetting how to breathe, how to even kiss. 

Eddie remembered enough to reach for Richie’s boxers and push them ungracefully down, not slow or careful or anything like Richie had done to him, because he was too horny and in love to give a shit at the moment. 

He thought he felt the breath of Richie chuckling against his lips. 

Apparently, Richie managed to wiggle his boxers the rest of the way off because when he rolled his hips against Eddie’s again, they were both naked and things turned impossibly more sweltering. 

Richie moaned, sliding his tongue back to lick hotly along Eddie’s bottom lip, Eddie gasping into his mouth and shamelessly bucking his hips up again, chasing friction. 

Richie wrapped a hand tight around him, slowly jerked him, and Eddie’s breath hitched. 

He already knew this was going to be the best hand job of his life. 

Bringing one hand to grip the back of Richie’s neck, Eddie’s other shifted down to touch the brunette, moving his hand up and down around him, twisting his wrist and causing Richie to make small throaty sounds that made Eddie’s dick twitch. 

Their kissing quickly turned into fast panting against each other’s lips as the movement of their hands sped up, foreheads pressing together, jerking each other off. 

“Eds-” Richie gasped repeatedly and with hooded eyelids, Eddie grazing his tongue against his bottom lip, a silent reminder that they were here, _together_ , that Eddie had Richie and Richie had Eddie and, in that moment, that was all they needed. 

It wasn’t going to last long; both of them were well aware of that as their hands moved faster and they continued grunting against each other’s mouths and thrusting desperately into each other’s hands. They were quickly reaching their climax and there was no turning back, not that either of them wanted to. 

Eddie never wanted to turn back from this, never wanted to forget this feeling- this moment. From now on there would only be Eddie pre-Richie-making-him-orgasm and Eddie post-Richie-making-him-orgasm. This was a pivotal moment and Eddie could barely focus enough to savor it. 

Richie came first, pressing his lips against Eddie’s to muffle the loud whimper that escaped his lips, screwing his eyes shut and covering Eddie’s hand in sticky cum as he jerked him through it. 

His own hand on Eddie jolted, staggering the movement and Eddie continued rocking his hips upwards to chase his own orgasm that was _right there_ , Richie catching himself and squeezing Eddie in his hand, picking up the pace again until Eddie followed him right over the edge moments later. 

Eddie groaned as he came, body overflowing with pure bliss and heat and Richie kissed him softly, brushing their lips together, overlapping and tugging with each other, gentle and wet and sweet. It was overwhelming. 

“Holy fucking shit.”

“I know.”

They breathed against each other for a while, riding out the aftermath of their orgasms, foreheads still pressed together; and then Richie rolled onto the bed beside him and they just kissed, hands wandering along torsos and around necks, limbs tangling together, licking and sucking at each other’s lips, feeling and holding each other tightly, warmly. 

Eddie’s heart was finally content. 

\--

They spent the rest of the day in bed like that together, kissing and cuddling, getting each other off a couple more times, drifting in and out of sleep, always touching. 

It wasn’t until Eddie woke up from a particularly long nap in the evening that he finally found Richie missing from bed; the twisted sheets empty next to him, that immediate spike of worry hitting him. 

He sat up in bed and rubbed at his eyes, breathing and trying to push the anxiety away that came with the absence of Richie, but he was quickly reminded of just that morning when he’d woken up without him and where exactly the other boy had been. 

Eddie looked around the room and found the balcony doors pulled open, a silhouette standing outside in just his boxers, leaning against the railing and looking out at the lake, smoking a cigarette. 

Eddie breathed easier. 

It was dark out, the sun long set as it turned to night, the only brightness being the glowing moon hanging over the lake, the bright blue of the pool lit up, and the soft yellow coming from the lights on the patio. 

Eddie could hear faint laughter and music coming from below the balcony, but Richie was just peace and quiet, unbothered by it. 

He climbed out of bed and pulled on a clean pair of boxers before heading towards him. 

_And you know that you feel it too. ‘Cause it’s nine in the afternoon._

Eddie stepped out onto the balcony, into the soft breeze of the night even though the sky had significantly cleared up since the storm earlier, crossing his arms over his bare chest and stifling a shiver. 

_Your eyes are the size of the moon. You could ‘cause you can so you do. We’re feeling so good just the way that we do._

He looked at the other boy facing away from him, the shift of his back muscles and shoulders as he breathed, and Eddie smiled softly to himself, feeling so lucky. 

_When it’s nine in the afternoon._

He took a couple steps forward till he was next to Richie, unfolding his arms so he could reach out a hand and touch the back of Richie’s shoulder. 

Richie flinched, and Eddie’s hand froze. 

“Hey, it’s just me,” he quickly reassured him as Richie’s eyes found his, alarmed at first and then relaxing to the sight of the familiar blue. Eddie brushed his hand soothingly down the skin of Richie’s back. Richie stubbed out the butt of his cigarette.

“Sorry, did I wake you?” 

Eddie’s eyebrows furrowed lightly together, shaking his head. “No, it’s okay.” He trailed his hand back up to the nape of Richie’s neck, into his hair. “What are you doing out here?” 

Richie looked away from him, back at the lake in the distance, tapping his fingers against the edge of the white railing. 

Bill’s laugh rang out from the patio and Eddie tore his gaze away from Richie to look down to where their friends were playing music and presumably getting drunk, if Stan dancing with a bottle of vodka in his hand was any indication. 

“Just thinking, I guess,” Richie shrugged, and Eddie looked back to him, swallowing thickly. 

“About?” he prompted tentatively. 

The music changed to a new song and Beverly’s squeal rang out, causing Eddie’s eye to twitch just slightly. 

Richie turned to face him and reached to snake his arm around his waist, corners of his lips picking up into a small smile as he tugged Eddie closer. “Nothing important,” he said simply. 

Eddie was about to press him for more, but Richie shut him up with a kiss and Eddie didn’t have much self-control to stop himself from melting into it. 

He threw his other arm around Richie’s neck and opened his mouth fervently for him. 

_Maybe I’m just too good, maybe I’ll run away, maybe I’m over you, maybe I shouldn’t stay._

They kissed deeply, ignoring the drunken noises coming from the patio, ignoring the sounds of the lake and the wind and the night. There was nothing but each other, their lips moving in tandem, their tongues trailing together, their hearts beating as one, making out on the balcony overlooking the lake. 

Eddie and Richie. 

Richie and Eddie. 

_Maybe I just don’t care, maybe I talk too much. But, baby I’ll be there, yeah, baby I’ll be there._

Richie broke the kiss to pull Eddie into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist and burying his nose in the crook of his neck, breathing him in. Eddie clung onto him, warm and secure around him. 

_It’s been a little hard. I’ve been a little tired. But, maybe all along I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid. I’m afraid, I’m afraid, I’m afraid._

And after a couple minutes, Richie pulled away and pressed a lingering kiss to Eddie’s temple, keeping one arm snaked around him as he led them away from the balcony and inside. 

“Come on, let’s go back to bed.” Eddie would never say no to that.


	8. People Pleaser

There was fumbling across the room- banging, dresser drawers opening and closing, rummaging, the sound of shorts being yanked over legs, hands patting frantically at empty pockets, and a frustrated muttered, “Fuck!” 

Eddie sat up in bed, rubbing his eyes, letting his pupils adjust to the bright light filtering in through the balcony windows, before landing on Richie standing past the foot of the bed, hands shaking as they scrambled over the top of the dresser, knocking over deodorant and flinging strewn clothes, searching for something- _anything._

Eddie frowned, half asleep and utterly confused, his forehead creasing because this wasn’t the way he expected waking up after a night like last night. 

_After a night as good as last night._

“Fuck!” Richie cursed again under his breath, patting his pockets again and bringing a hand up to run through his tousled hair and tug upsettingly at the strands, completely oblivious to Eddie’s awakening. 

“Richie-” Eddie started warily. 

Richie turned abruptly at the sound of his name and met Eddie’s concerned gaze, before glancing just as quickly away, moving to pick up another pair of discarded shorts on the ground and dig through those pockets instead. His whole body was shaking. 

Eddie pushed the sticky sheets away from his chest. It suddenly felt overtly hot in the room. 

“Richie, what’s wrong? What are you looking for?” 

“Fuck! Where is it?” Richie was muttering to himself, searching desperately through more dirty laundry that was piled in the corner, not listening. 

“Hey, slow down.” Eddie scrambled out of bed, starting towards Richie. _Something was wrong._

“Hey,” Eddie reached for his arm and Richie flinched- flinched so hard that Eddie immediately pulled his hand back, a small gasp escaping his lips in surprise because Richie knew it was Eddie. He knew who was touching him. Eddie felt sick. 

Richie looked over his shoulder at him, eyes wide and scared behind those glasses, and a flicker of guilt across his expression. “What’s wrong?” Eddie asked softly- so softly- barely a whisper. 

_What the hell was wrong?_

“I uh- I can’t find my stash,” Richie mumbled, looking down, away, anywhere but at the smaller boy in the room. 

Eddie frowned deeper, eyebrows furrowing together because nothing made sense. There were dark bags under Richie’s eyes like he hadn’t slept, like he’d been up all night after Eddie had fallen back asleep, but doing what? Eddie wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer. 

He reached out again slowly- so slowly- watching for any sign that Richie would flinch away again, but he didn’t. Eddie’s fingers brushed the dark skin under Richie’s eye softly before moving to push back the curly strand of hair that had fallen into his eyes and cradled his face. 

Richie finally looked at him, eyes lost and hands fidgeting helplessly at his sides. “Richie-” Eddie breathed. 

Richie stiffened, bringing his hand up to gently nudge Eddie’s away before turning back towards the clothes he was sorting through. “I need a smoke,” he sniffed, rubbing at his nose.

Eddie stepped back defeated, letting his hand fall weakly back to his side. “Okay,” he relented. He tried to stop his mind from going to fretful, heartbreaking places.

Richie searched anxiously for another moment, Eddie just standing there watching him stupidly, until the other boy came up with a Ziploc bag stuffed with weed, a smashed pack of cigarettes, and a sigh of relief. 

He brushed past Eddie’s shoulder, heading towards the door, and Eddie never burned so badly. 

Eddie stared at the ground blankly for a second, thoughts racing, yet not comprehending a single thing that sped through his head, except that this wasn’t _fair_. “Richie, wait-” He turned to follow the other boy, eyes pleading, but his feet were for some reason planted, unmoving. 

Richie froze with his hand on the doorknob, Eddie watching his shoulders rise and fall with undeniable tension. 

Richie let his hand slip from the doorknob as he turned back around to meet Eddie’s hurting gaze, to gape wordlessly at him, eyebrows knitting together and expression withering away to something like guilt. 

Eddie didn’t know what to say, couldn’t find the words to ask what his mind was yelling at him to. He didn’t know what the hell was happening between them anymore. They felt worlds apart at that moment and Richie just needed to give him something- _anything_.

Richie suddenly started forward, closing the distance, bringing his hand not holding his stash up to the back of Eddie’s neck to pull him forward for their lips to meet rashly. 

Their chests bumped together, and the kiss was crushing, in what Eddie hoped would be with relief was instead just more of that tight feeling. 

Richie kissed him like it was their last. He kissed him like this was the one that mattered- like this was the one he’d remember him by. He kissed him imperfectly, lips parting in that same desperate manner from last night, but something was so different. It was desperate, but it was frantic and hopeless. It was the hard press of parted mouths, fighting desperately to catch their breaths, but Richie wasn’t letting them. He was stealing- stealing Eddie’s breath and heart, his train of thought and any sense of certainty. It was lip-biting and pushing and pulling each other closer, but somehow, they still felt so far apart. 

Eddie’s hands fisted in the back of Richie’s hair, trying to hold on, trying to get him to slow down, but it was pointless. 

Richie didn’t _give_. He took and took until there was nothing left.

When Eddie tried to deepen the kiss, Richie pulled back completely, eyes remaining closed, until they opened and landed on Eddie, cold and numbing. 

Eddie ignored his conscious fighting with him that something about this felt like a goodbye. 

It _couldn’t_ be. 

Eddie stared at the boy he was utterly in love with, at his wild curls of hair that were sticking up in every which way as a result of Eddie’s fingers pulling, at the soft red marks left along his neck and collarbone from Eddie’s lips last night, at his bright brown eyes that Eddie could lose himself for hours in, and he felt the rocky breathing of his own heart. 

They’d finally connected yesterday. They’d finally been on the same page for the first time since arriving at the lake house. For the first time all week, he’d trusted his instincts regarding Richie. He’d trusted that none of this was one-sided. So why would he start to doubt things now? 

They stared at each other and they both fought to catch their breath as Eddie’s heart ricocheted inside his chest. 

Richie was lost deep in his own thoughts- Eddie could tell- dark eyes blank and unreadable, lips pursed. 

He needed to pull him back. He needed to let that inkling go that something was wrong between them. Nothing could be wrong when last night was so seamless. 

Why didn’t they _talk_?

Eddie watched him, trying his hardest to believe that there was nothing to it- that Richie was just grumpy and still hurting over what happened with his father and needed to get baked to calm his thoughts down and forget about everything for a little while- but he worried. He worried there was something else hiding behind those sleep-deprived eyes and he was scared of it. 

Richie blinked out of it after a moment, eyes refocusing on Eddie and he moved in to kiss him again, this time so gently, so delicately, hand framing his face warmly. The kiss was barely there. His hands were shaking, chapped lips shuddering. It was such a contrast to the push and pull of their previous kiss, yet it was just as breathtaking, if not more. It didn’t feel like Richie.

Eddie couldn’t move, and when Richie pulled back, he turned and left the room without a second glance, without some smart-ass comment. 

Eddie’s heart trembled painfully inside his chest. 

He gaped at the closed door for a while before finally moving back to collapse on the bed, left to overthink everything in their sheets that still smelled like sex. 

Yesterday had been so much like a dream, so much like something Eddie’s brain had made up, but it had been real. Every touch, every kiss, every toe-curling moan had been absolutely real and if Eddie was sure about one thing, it was _that_. Richie could fake kissing in front of his family, and holding hands on the docks, and the idea that they were in this long-lasting relationship, but he couldn’t fake the feelings they shared last night. Eddie was sure of it. 

So, where he was left alone to overthink how this whole morning started and the dissimilar ways Richie was acting, Eddie tried his hardest not to question how the other boy felt about him. Eddie had the memories that the bed sheets stirred from yesterday to reassure him that deep down Richie felt something for him- that he _liked_ him- and Eddie was going to do everything in his power to hold onto that assurance until they found the time to talk. They just needed to _talk._

Requited feelings were something new for Eddie, something he wasn’t familiar with especially with someone like Richie, so he figured he could brush that uncertain feeling off as him just being overly cautious like always, because maybe Richie loved him and maybe he was agitated for some other reason and there was really no reason for Eddie to worry. And as long as Richie was feeling better after his smoke, Eddie had hope that things would return to normal between them- or rather their new kind of normal, the normal where their shared feelings were reality. 

Eddie finally dragged himself from bed and hit the bathroom to shower and get ready for the day, apprehension heavy in his chest. 

\--

When Eddie finally emerged from the bedroom a half hour later, heading downstairs and outside, he found Richie on a float in the pool with a blunt stuck between his lips, talking with Stan. 

The others were sprawled out in lounge chairs under the sun, flipping through books and magazines and listening to music. Beverly sat up and took off her sunglasses when she heard him approaching. 

“Long time, no see, Eddie. We missed you yesterday,” Bev said, winking and smirking knowingly at him and Eddie felt a blush rise to his cheeks. 

He chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah, sorry... a lot happened yesterday.” And wasn’t that the truth. His voice trailed off as his eyes flickered to Richie, but he couldn’t tell if the other boy was looking at him with his sunglasses on, however his conversation with Stan had teetered off completely. 

He watched Richie pull the blunt away from his lips and blow smoke into the air, Stan coughing dramatically when the smoke wafted over into his face where he was perched on the ledge with his feet in the water, back to the others. 

Eddie pried his eyes away from Richie and took the empty seat next to Ben, rubbing at his nose to hide his red cheeks. 

“You missed Stan nearly barfing after he got Iced last night. It was hilarious!” Beverly laughed, and Stan answered wordlessly by holding up his middle finger behind him.

Eddie faked a chuckle, eyes back on Richie who was taking another long hit, lips tight around the blunt. “Yeah, I’m sure that was something.” 

“Well, don’t worry about missing out too much. We’re having another beer pong tournament tonight and you and Richie need to defend your title,” Mike spoke up. 

“Yeah, St-Stan and I want a r-rematch,” Bill said, and Ben scoffed next to him. 

Eddie looked over at the group and grinned mischievously. “Anytime, Bill.” He glanced back to Richie who was twirling the blunt between his thumb and index finger and called out, “Rich, what do you say?” 

“Hm?” Richie looked up, sounding disinterested already. 

Eddie swallowed, telling himself that everything was okay, that Richie and him were okay, that something else was bothering him, not Eddie. “Wanna kick some more ass in beer pong tonight?” 

There was a long pause, and everyone had turned to look at Richie expectantly. “Whatever you say, spaghetti head,” Richie muttered, sticking the blunt back between his lips. Eddie’s heart picked up in his chest. 

_Tell me what you want, what you really really want. I ain't got time, if you think that you're in love, with me. So, tell me what you want from me, oh. I ain't got time, if you really wanna fuck. You're bitching all the time, that you never get enough from me. So, tell me what you want from me, oh._

Everyone else had turned away impartial to his response and the other’s conversation had picked right back up, Stan moving from his spot by the pool to sit at the end of Bill’s lounger and argue beer pong strategy with him.

Eddie continued to stare at Richie, watching him smoke and he wasn’t really sure if Richie was staring back, but he thought he felt his gaze heavy on his skin behind those prescription sunglasses. It was then Eddie really seemed to notice the music playing through the outdoor speakers, the lyrics to the rap song hitting him for some reason like a painful jab to the ribs. 

_Girl, we can get it on tonight. If you do that little thing I like. I don't want to fall in love. Because I'm only here for the night._

The back door slid open, and the sound of heels on the patio echoed as Maggie approached the pool with a tray of muffins for breakfast, breaking Eddie’s attention. She greeted everyone, setting the tray down on the table between the lounge chairs and turned around, placing her hands on her hips as her eyes landing on her only son floating- and smoking- in the pool. 

“Richard, get rid of that right now before your father sees,” she demanded, Eddie’s hands tightening around the arms of his chair, immediately on edge with the mention of Went and recalling everything that had happened yesterday. 

Richie looked up at her challengingly, twirling the blunt once again between his fingers before raising it to his mouth for another puff. “But, that’s no fun,” he said, coughing out smoke.

“Now!” she bellowed, and Eddie glanced around at their friends, but none of them seemed the littlest bit deterred by the exchange between Richie and his mother. 

_She said I love you more than words can say. She said I love you bayayayayby._

The song had changed. Eddie’s heart was pounding inside his chest. 

Richie huffed loudly and pitched the roach right into the pool, earning a snort from Bev and a scowl from his mother. 

_So I said, what you saying girl it can’t be right. How can you be in love with me? We only just met tonight. So, she said boy I loved you from the start. When I first heard love goes down, something started burning in my heart._

_I said stop this crazy talk. And leave right now and close the door. She said but I love you boy I love you so._

“Keep acting this way and you’re going to hear it from your father,” Maggie said matter-of-factly, shaking her head and walking back towards the patio to clean up the mess of cans and bottles the others had made last night. 

“What else is new?” Richie muttered sarcastically under his breath, hopping off the float in the pool with a splash and swimming towards the steps leading out of the chlorine. Eddie’s breath hitched. 

_You don't know what love is. You wouldn't do this if you did._

Eddie watched Richie climb out of the pool, grabbing a towel that was on a spare chair at the far end of the pool area to dry himself off and run it through his dripping hair. He picked up his phone that had been lying underneath the towel, pushing his sunglasses to the top of his head and unlocking it. The song changed again. 

_Second guess these words of mine. I always thought that I'd be fine with you. But ever since we crossed that line, got your green eyes in the back of my mind, its true._

Eddie’s throat started to sting. He didn’t know why. 

_But I can't be just friends. You're messing with my head. And I know what I said. But, these feelings they keep running the red._

He knew why.

They were just lyrics, but he had this horrible, sinking feeling that they _weren’t_.

 _I got your heart on my mind. And you said, that I could come by anytime._

Nothing made sense, but maybe things were painfully starting to. 

_But I can’t, I can’t fall in love tonight. I can’t fall in love tonight._

Richie was trying to push him away. 

“Who- who has the aux?” Eddie managed to choke out, glancing towards the others and interrupting their conversation. He already knew. 

_I got, your face on my mind and, it was fun, running around for awhile._

“Oh, Rich is hooked up by Bluetooth,” Bev told him.

Eddie looked back to Richie and his heart broke.

_But I can't, I can't fall in love tonight._

Richie finally looked up from his phone, dark bloodshot eyes landing on him. 

_I can't fall in love tonight._

Eddie burned. He wanted to scream at him to turn it off, because it wasn’t true. None of the lyrics were true, not for them. 

But he didn’t. He couldn’t find his voice over the tearing in his chest. 

The glass door slid open again, this time roughly, and Wentworth bounded out onto the patio to join his wife, thankfully not sparing the pool a glance and instead chatting quietly with her only, but he still couldn’t have had worse timing. 

Richie dropped his gaze, fumbling with his phone, shoulders tense anyways with the reappearance of his father. 

Richie and Eddie needed to talk. They needed to get away from his family. They needed to fix whatever doubts Richie was currently having about the two of them, because despite how fucking crazy it was, they were meant to be together. Eddie knew that. 

_This_ wasn’t happening. Eddie wouldn’t let it. 

He sniffed and pushed up from his chair abruptly, walking the short way towards Richie. 

“Hey, let’s go talk,” Eddie said lowly when he reached him. He knew better than to try and touch him. He probably wouldn’t be able to stand Richie flinching away from him again. 

Richie rocked back on the heels of his feet, exhaling loudly, smelling faintly of chlorine and weed. “No, I’m good here.” 

Eddie scowled, biting his lip nervously, trying to find his breath- his confidence. “No, we need to talk.” 

Richie looked at him and for the first time ever, his face was hard directed at Eddie. “I don’t feel like talking,” he bit, a little too loudly. 

Eddie could feel the eyes of everyone outside turn to them, including his parents. 

“Richie,” Eddie warned under his breath, grinding his teeth, his heart aching horridly. He felt like crying. 

“Hey, are you guys fighting or something?” Stan called over to them, voice sounding rather amused. “You should be nice to your boyfriend, Rich,” he chastised, and Eddie wished he would shut the hell up.

Eddie saw something flicker in Richie’s eyes, something like a sting of hurt and then Richie huffed a breath and grimaced, shaking his head. “He’s not my boyfriend,” he replied definitely. 

Eddie’s eyes widened, his eyebrows shooting up his forehead and mouth dropping open because _Richie wasn’t about to do this_. Eddie’s stomach had sunk completely to his feet. 

Beverly laughed uncomfortably, looking between the two of them. “What?” she asked confused, unsure if she heard her best friend correctly. 

Eddie saw Richie turn towards the others, and grabbed his shoulder to try to stop him, dread thick running through his veins. 

“Richie, what are you doing? Don’t-” 

He knew what was coming, and once Richie opened his big mouth, there would be no way to stop him. 

Richie yanked his arm away and looked back at Eddie with a falsely entertained expression. 

“What? You wanted to talk, Eds. So, let’s talk,” he said. “I’m done pretending.” 

Eddie felt his heart pulsing heavily in his skull. 

“D-did you guys b-break up or something?” Bill asked, squinting at them with his head tilted, that same confusion mirrored on each and every one of their faces, right down to Went Tozier’s.

Eddie thought he would throw up right then and there. 

Richie turned back towards them. “No,” he shook his head, laughing sort of manically to himself, throwing out his hands dramatically. Eddie felt nauseous. “None of this is real. None of it was ever fucking real. He’s not my boyfriend! He never was my boyfriend!” Richie laughed dryly, shaking his head again. “This was all just one big fucking joke.” 

“What are you talking about, Richie?” Mike stood up from his lounge chair, stepping towards his stoned friend, frowning and confused. 

“The truth is, I convinced little Eddie-spaghetti here to be my fake boyfriend for the week.” And there it was. Richie was coming clean about everything. 

“And you all bought it,” Richie laughed humorlessly. “I mean, I didn’t even know his name a week ago.” Eddie was shaking. He couldn’t find his voice to tell him to stop. 

“Why would you do something like that?” Ben was looking between the both of them, disbelieving. Eddie couldn’t meet his eyes. 

He felt tears clinging to his eyelids and he couldn’t watch the distrust rising onto all of their expressions when he was also experiencing it himself. They’d both thought his relationship with Richie was real. They’d both been fooled. 

Eddie looked over at Stan instead, who was gawking at him, an expression of nothing but shock and pity. He blinked at him. Why would Stan be surprised when he’d guessed the truth since the beginning? None of this made sense. 

Richie laughed again, and Eddie looked back at him to see the glint in his eyes as he turned to face the patio where his parents were standing, watching their son’s outburst for once silently. “Because I knew it’d make waves. Like you always say, that’s all I care about doing.” Richie grinned menacingly at his father. 

“Richie, stop,” Eddie croaked. He couldn’t take another moment of listening to this. He felt like he was crumbling to pieces. He was sure he actually was. 

Richie turned back to him, fire in his bloodshot eyes. “What? You’re not enjoying the show?” he scoffed. “Isn’t that why you came here, Eddie? To watch my life like some-” 

“Enough, Richard,” Went interrupted him, voice rough and angry. Richie for once in his life shut up. 

“You know that’s not true,” Eddie whispered, wiping at his eyes and trying to stop his ragged breathing. He stared at the blurry hickeys splotching Richie’s chest. He yanked his inhaler from his pocket and took a deep puff.

Richie chuckled again and shrugged his shoulders, tossing the damp towel on the empty chair behind him. “I’m done here, anyway.” 

He made his way across the patio, shouldering past his dad who made a reach for him, but Maggie somehow for once managed to hold her husband back. Richie tore open the back door, and slammed it behind him, leaving silence behind except for Mr. and Mrs. Tozier grumbling amongst each other. 

Eddie was frozen. He sniffed and cleared the tears from his eyes again with the back of his hand. He finally looked at the others who were all gaping at him. 

“Eddie-” Beverly started. 

“How did you-” Mike struggled.

“Are you g-gonna-” Bill tried. 

“You’re not-” Stan squinted. 

And then the voice of reason. 

“Go,” Ben told him, tilting his head insistently in the direction of the back door where Richie had just disappeared through and Eddie nodded. 

He jogged towards the back door, wiping his eyes again, sliding the glass door open and not even bothering to close it behind him, calling out Richie’s name frantically as he scanned the kitchen and living room, heart in his throat. 

Eddie turned the corner and took the stairs two at a time, nearly tripping and catching himself on the mantel, pushing open the closed door of their bedroom when he reached it and meeting Richie pacing the room, scrubbing his hands upsettingly down his face. Eddie fought to catch his breath.

“Why’d you do that?” Eddie asked, wanting to sound angry, but just sounding broken. 

He expected the same hard front Richie had put on outside. He wasn’t ready for the torn-up expression, the earnest brown eyes brimming with tears, the trembling lips and the feeling that something was crushing him as Richie turned to look at him. 

“What the fuck did you expect?” Richie asked weakly, eyes pleading. 

Eddie swallowed thickly, feeling the tears threatening to escape at any moment. He took a shaky breath. 

“If you wanted to come clean to your family about lying, that’s fine. But-” 

Eddie took a step forward and Richie took a step back, holding out a hand to stop him. 

“But, what, Eddie? What did you think was going to happen? Did you think we’d fall in love or something?” There was water collecting in those dark eyes and Richie’s voice sounded just past hysterical. 

Eddie’s bottom lip quivered. He felt his heart was being ripped in two. 

“No- I just-” Eddie felt the hot tears hit his cheeks. He couldn’t look away from Richie, no matter how much he wanted to. He was in love. _They_ were in love. “Yesterday you- we- that wasn’t us pretending!” Eddie choked out, growing frustrated. 

Richie shook his head and Eddie stepped forward again, begging for anything that told him he hadn’t imagined what he felt yesterday- the connection they shared. 

“Rich- you- we kissed- we slept together. I know what I felt. I know you felt it, too!” 

Richie was shaking his head frantically, panic in his eyes. Eddie reached for his hand and Richie pulled away, locking his jaw. 

“No, Eddie- you’re wrong-” 

Eddie wiped at his face quickly, gasping for air. He couldn’t breathe. “I know you’re scared, Richie. It’s okay-” 

“I’m not gay!” Richie snapped, voice breaking and eyes shining with tears. 

“I never said you were!” Eddie wheezed, eyes wide and pleading. “You don’t have to be- it’s okay!” Eddie sucked in a breath, holding back a sob. “I’m just saying when we’re together, you feel something for me!” 

“No.” Richie shook his head, and somehow Eddie’s heart broke impossibly more, feeling beyond heavy and unbearable in his chest. “No, I’m sorry, Eds.” 

“You like me, Richie! Just admit it!” 

“No, I’m sorry-” 

“What about yesterday? You weren’t in front of your family, Richie! You weren’t just faking it!” Eddie yelled through his tears, angry and begging for honesty. 

Richie kept shaking his head, blinking back the emotion on the brink of spilling out of him. “We were just having fun,” he said, and it finally hit Eddie like a ton of heart-wrenching bricks. “It was all just for fun.” 

That was what Richie had said when he first walked into Eddie’s dorm room a week ago with this crazy proposition of fake dating. He’d promised it would be fun. 

“Did yesterday mean anything to you?” Eddie asked quietly, his last cry. 

Richie continued to shake his head, Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat as he swallowed hard. “I’m sorry,” he croaked. 

Eddie took a step backwards, eyes bulging and unrecognizable as he stared at Richie, because he didn’t know who he was anymore, or perhaps he never did. Richie was no longer the person he thought he was, and he probably never was to begin with. 

Nothing about this was fun. 

Eddie sniffed and wiped his eyes, feeling foolish and vulnerable, and so very broken. Everything inside him hurt. He shook his head sadly because how could he be so fucking stupid? 

“I need to go,” Eddie realized softly. 

“What? Go where?” Richie asked, hands still trembling at his sides, face looking half-crazed by now, but that was probably just because he was high. 

Eddie dropped his gaze to the hardwood floor between them. “Home,” Eddie whispered, furrowing his eyebrows and frowning. He thought of his mom. “Or back to school.” Spring break was over anyways. 

“We don’t have to leave till Sunday,” Richie said, voice sounding far away and off-kilter. 

Eddie felt the need to scoff, but he didn’t. “Well, I guess I’m going back early.” 

“Eds, you don’t-” Richie’s voice cracked, and he sucked in a breath and sniffed before continuing. “You don’t have to leave. Please-” 

Eddie looked back up, trying not to tear up again, feeling outraged and just plain devastated. It was all too painful. “I can’t even fucking look at you.” 

He looked away and his mouth tasted like metal. He needed to pack and get out of here as fast as possible. Eddie turned towards his duffel bag that was sitting open on the ground next to the dresser, and he began hastily stuffing it with whatever of his things he could find. 

Richie sounded like he was crying now. “I never meant for this to happen, Eds. I never wanted to hurt you. You weren’t- you weren’t supposed to fall for me.” 

More tears rolled silently down Eddie’s cheeks as he continued packing his clothes. He didn’t want to fight anymore, but he had to ask- he had to know- weak and tired, “How could I not?” 

Richie didn’t say anything for a while; just stood there and watched Eddie pack his things, the only sound being both of their unsteady breathings. 

“Let me drive you to the airport at least.” 

Eddie shook his head, standing up to grab stuff off the top of the dresser and bedside table to drop in his bag. He walked into the bathroom to get his toothbrush. He felt like he was suffocating. 

“No- I’ll just- I’ll Uber to the airport. I don’t need your help,” he said as he came out of the bathroom and turned back to his duffel bag. “You’ve done enough,” he mumbled. 

“Eddie-” 

“I said no, Richie!” he snapped, and Richie went quiet. Eddie took another shaky breath, closing his eyes and trying his damnedest to push back his emotions until he was out of this godforsaken lake house. 

“I’m sorry,” Richie breathed, and Eddie opened his eyes to pull his phone from his pocket and request an Uber. 

_Four minutes away._ He wasn’t sorry. 

Eddie zipped up his bag and stood from the ground, swinging the strap over his shoulder. He turned to face Richie for the last time. 

Richie had a flushed face and puffy red-rimmed eyes, and Eddie imagined he looked the same, or probably worse. Richie had the nerve to offer him one last small, sad smile, and Eddie felt his eyes immediately welling with more tears. 

“When I- when I get back to school- we’ll still be friends, right?” Richie’s voice was thick with emotion and groggy, and Eddie hated that sense of hope still there, because Eddie had hope all along and look where that got him. “After all of this passes,” Richie breathed. “We’ll still be friends, right?” 

Eddie felt the torture in his heart, the urge to pull the other boy into his arms and tell him of course, that everything would be fine between them, given time. But, unfortunately that wasn’t the truth, and Eddie had been hit with a lot of truths today, so what was one more? This was the end of any relationship he’d have with Richie fucking Tozier. 

Eddie cleared his throat, wanting it to come out steady, despite everything else trembling inside him. “When you get back to school, you can forget you ever fell into my lap at that stupid pregame,” Eddie said firmly, heart cracking with each word. “And we can forget about this whole week and just go back to pretending we don’t know each other.” Eddie’s voice started to waver, and his vision was blurry, but he bit his tongue and uttered one last thing. “It should be easy since we both know how good you are at pretending.” 

Richie opened his mouth, brown eyes pained as they looked at Eddie, but nothing came- nothing came when Eddie desperately wanted something to.

So, Eddie took one last breath, turned around and left the room. He said goodbye to Richie Tozier.

He practically ran downstairs, stuffing his shoes on that were waiting by the front door. He didn’t want to see anyone else. He wanted to get as far away from this lake house before he lost it. 

Eddie clambered out the front door and down the front steps of the porch, jogging down the walkway leading up to the lake house and through the tall gate at the end of the driveway, to the Uber that was waiting on the side of the street. He opened up the car door, and slid into the back seat, shutting it tightly behind him. 

The driver turned around in his seat and gave Eddie a once over as he caught his breath and what was left of his bearings. Eddie was too heartbroken to care about his disheveled state. 

“Heading to the airport?” the driver asked warily.

Eddie nodded, settling back and curling in on himself, turning his head to look out the window one last time. 

He took in the light blue mansion, the large white balconies, the pretty greenery, and the lake in the distance- clear and beautiful as ever. He took in the memories, the vision of Richie, his four eyes and bright smile and every waking minute he’d spent with him at this lake house over the past week, every touch and laugh they shared. 

Eddie tucked his head into his arm and closed his eyes tightly, ignoring the tears that sprung to the surface as he did so, drowning everything out with the music playing from the car radio. If he had the energy, he’d ask the driver to turn it louder. 

_I’m not trying to stick it to you, but I’ve been trying hard getting through to you. And I’m not gonna lie, let’s face it. You know I won’t take it. I’m never going to take it._

He tried to forget. He couldn’t. 

_You always got me on the hook, and you didn’t even notice. Back in the old neighborhood, you’re just running through the motions. You know just how to piss me off. Don’t test my patience. You’re always up to no good, and I just can’t take it._

The car drove away. 

\--

The airport was a noisy and crowded blur. 

Eddie was numb purchasing his plane ticket, numb as he went through security, numb as he waited for hours outside his terminal. 

He thought he should probably eat something but felt too sick to even try to. 

His day couldn’t possibly get any worse and Eddie just wanted to be alone in his dorm room already, wrapped up in bed and able to cry himself to sleep, not having to put up with the hustle and bustle of traveling. 

Despite everything, Eddie had miraculously managed to keep his emotions at bay while at the airport, not even capable of finding the will to break down in front of so many strangers, but that didn’t stop him from thinking about every single thing that had gone wrong in the past six hours and didn’t stop him from feeling every single twitch of agony in his demolished heart that was brought on from those particular thoughts. 

The worst part was feeling like he imagined everything. The worst part was that he was still in love. 

The worse part was that he could not shut his mind off and had to relive every single memory he had of Richie, which was a lot even considering they only knew each other a week. 

A fucking lot could happen in one week. 

It was a relief when Eddie was able to board the plane and it finally took off, putting more and more miles between Eddie and the memories of spring break and Lake Ontario. He didn’t want to think about it, but it was impossible not to. 

Eddie tried to tune out the people around him in the airplane, slumped against the window in his worn-out coach seat and ignoring the lack of legroom and the bratty kid that kept kicking his seat behind him. 

He was miserable and annoyed and on the verge of bursting into tears at any waking second. His neighbor sitting next to him, a frail old lady with greying hair that kept peaking at him warily out of the corner of her eye, probably thought he’d explode during the plane ride with everything he was clearly bottling up inside him. 

Eddie just prayed that explosion could wait till he was alone and in the safety of his own dorm room. 

As the plane finished ascending, Eddie dug his phone out of his pocket and nearly choked at the amount of text messages he’d received prior to take off, making him feel even queasier. 

Unfortunately, they were all from his mother. Eddie deleted her messages without even reading them. He couldn’t handle reading her reprimands and lectures. He was aching enough. 

Eddie untangled his ear buds, plugged them into his phone and stuck them in his ears. He turned on shuffle and closed his eyes, temple resting against the clouded window, preparing himself to feel. He listened for a minute. 

_Baby, I’m sorry things didn’t work out the way that I planned, but we both know that planning’s not my strong suit. I’m sad that I lost you, but I won’t chase you-_

Eddie cracked his eyes back open, hand tightening around his phone. He sucked in a breath. Yeah, _no_. 

He changed to the next song, leaning back against the window and shutting his eyes again. 

_Chapter one we started happy, the second that you said you loved me, started questioning us, are we really in love? Trying to figure out chapter three, but you’re not giving me anything. If this is what we are, then I gotta move on._

_You think this is everything, this is no book of us._

Eddie brushed the tears away before they could fall. 

_You might think I’m crazy, that I’m lost and foolish leaving you behind. Maybe you’re right._

_Maybe you’re right._

\--

It was dark by the time Eddie finally made it to his dorm building on campus, emotionally exhausted and just as _wrecked_ as he was when he left the lake house. 

He rode the elevator up to his floor, arm shifting his duffel bag on his shoulder, tapping his foot with a throat still thick with tears. 

He walked down the empty hallway, everything eerily, yet comfortingly quiet with most students still away on spring break. 

Eddie couldn’t stop his eyes from flickering to Richie’s dorm room across from his. The trashmouth’s stupid neon nametag that their RA taped on everyone’s doors stuck out like a sore thumb, with sharpie dicks scribbled all over it. Eddie shivered and turned towards his own door. 

It took a while for him to locate his key, which was somewhere buried in the pocket of his bag with his spare inhaler.

When he finally found it, he unlocked the door. 

Eddie stepped in and was met with a figure sitting on his roommate’s bed, jumping in surprise, having not been expecting anybody to be here. His heartbeat picked up. He was in no mood to see anyone. 

His roommate looked up from his laptop screen, shock and amusement on his face from startling Eddie, until he got a better look at him. 

“Shit, Eddie, what’s happened?” Vic pushed his laptop off his lap, sliding off his bed and onto his feet. 

Eddie couldn’t even imagine how drained and heartbroken he looked if Victor of all people took notice. He definitely wasn’t in the mood to put up with being made fun of.

Eddie sighed and stepped into their room, kicking the door shut behind him. He threw his duffel back to the floor and rubbed at his stinging eyes. 

“What are you doing here?” he groaned.

“I got back from Miami this morning,” Vic explained, sounding confused. “What are _you_ doing here? What the fuck happened? You look like shit.”

Eddie gave a dull scoff, his roommate being blunt and charming as ever. He turned his burning eyes to him and offered a shrug and a shake of his head. 

“I fell for him. That’s what happened,” he said honestly, and in the end, that’s really all there was to it. He loved Richie and Richie would never love him back, no matter what they had shared together. 

Eddie had known this would happen from the beginning. He just hadn’t known how fucking bad it would actually hurt. 

Understanding washed across Vic’s face surprisingly, expression turning from confusion to honest sympathy. “Fuck, that sucks. I’m sorry, Eddie.” 

Eddie just nodded and went about changing his clothes. He wouldn’t say it was okay. It really wasn’t. 

“Tozier is a jackass. You don’t need him. You deserve better than that shit. Hey, I’ll help you find a nice piece of ass to rebound with and you won’t even remember that fucker exists.” 

Eddie hummed noncommittally, pulling on a clean hoodie- one that didn’t smell like Richie. He didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want to think about it. 

“I’ll even wrangle up Bowers- say Tozier was talking shit or something- and we’ll kick his scrawny ass for you. I got your back,” Vic went on. 

Eddie forced a laugh without much liveliness and moved towards his bed. “I don’t think that’s necessary,” he told him dryly, ignoring Vic grumbling on more about the situation. “I think I just want to sleep.” 

“Yeah, okay,” Vic nodded, and Eddie pulled his covers back and lied down on his side, curling up in the warmth of his own bed that didn’t feel so warm in comparison to where he’d gotten used to sleeping. “You want the lights off?” 

“Sure.” 

He watched his roommate fumble across the room, tripping over dirty clothes, to flick the light switch. The room went dark except for the glow of Victor’s bedside lamp. Vic resituated himself on his bed with his laptop, scrolling through the Internet. Eddie didn’t close his eyes. 

It was quiet for a long while, Eddie thinking and feeling and hurting, before he spoke, voice quiet and cracking through blurry vision.

“You know what hurts?” He asked, without actually knowing why he was saying it.

Victor looked up at him, rare empathy flashing across his face. 

“Missing someone you never even had,” Eddie whispered to the dark room. 

Vic sighed and watched his roommate crumble with a solid and honest gaze that Eddie desperately needed to grasp onto. 

His roommate gave him a small, sad smile that only reminded Eddie of the one Richie gave him before he walked out. Eddie’s chest burned in the worst way possible. 

He rolled over in bed, pulling the comforter over his head, and let himself break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pls don't hate me...
> 
> who's ready for some long overdue richie pov?


	9. Lose Lose Lose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the super long wait!! college kicked my ass, but im back and ready to wrap this thing up. thank u for being so patient with me.

Richie’s worst habit was his inability to recognize when he’d taken something too far. 

He was well aware of it; however as often as it happened, it was always too late when he finally realized he’d lost control of his actions in these reoccurring issues. 

And no, he wasn’t referring to bad jokes or his crude sense of humor. This was about his inexplicable need to draw things out, the unexplainable way he acted in order to make something last. 

But, he was being naïve to think anything in his life ever lasted in the first place. 

So, because he wanted something to happen- and with the way his brain was wired, because he needed to feel like that something actually _mattered_ \- Richie always skipped the right way to go about things. He went from zero to one fucking hundred and somebody always seemed to get hurt in the process. 

But, what was so _new_ \- what was so different about this time- was how much Richie had hurt himself instead. He’d lost sight of his objective long before spring break had even started. 

So, where Richie was left staring at an empty doorway with a vacant heart and overflowing eyes and so much misunderstanding, he had one overbearing, soul-crushing realization. 

He’d fucked up.

He’d taken things way too far. 

And it didn’t start when he fell into the lap of some unlucky boy at a pregame just a week ago. 

It all started eight months ago when he moved into the dorm room across the hall from Eddie Kaspbrak. 

\--

Richie had noticed him. _Of course_ he’d noticed him- the very first night on move in day to be exact, when he was nearing blackout with a few of the meatheads on the floor. And when someone as cute as Eddie was prancing around the hallway at midnight in fucking short-shorts, how could he not _notice_ him?

And he continued to notice him.

He wouldn’t call it a crush, no- but an interest for a boy he knew nothing about, besides the fact that he lived in the open double directly across the hall from him and carried around a fanny pack.

It was a passion, really- or at least that’s what Bevvie would’ve called it- a need to throw himself into somebody else’s life that Richie had really no reason to. 

Or maybe it was just a distraction- a distraction from his parents, from his changing life, from the upsetting distance growing between the losers. Things were different for him at college and for the first time in his entire life, Richie felt _lonely._

But, honest to god, it began as just checking Eddie out across the room in the floor lounge and making awkward eye contact in the bathroom mirror when they both happened to be rinsing hands at the same time. And maybe, _maybe_ , he’d cracked a couple jokes around him that the other boy might have huffed at, but that was it. 

And then when Richie made no lead way in the Eddie Kaspbrak situation, other than the occasional grimaced hello as they passed each other in the hallway, it turned into something more. 

It turned into Richie being overtly obnoxious- _even for him_ \- during floor meetings just to get the other boy to look at him. It turned into Richie running up and down the hall from room to room like a mad man in the slightest possibility he’d cross paths with Eddie. It turned into him studying in the floor lounge- when he could very much just _not study_ \- in the chance that Eddie might also be sitting out there because his roommate brought some girl home.

Though, Richie never had much luck. Averted eyes and no chance of conversation was usually what he was met with. And he wasn’t _used_ to that.

His college friends thought he was crazy- didn’t understand why Richie felt the need to bother Eddie. What was so special about one spaghetti head? Richie never had an answer, not even for himself. 

So, as the fall semester came to a close, he started to give up. Richie wasn’t well-established with the act of giving up. He usually didn’t have trouble getting any girl or boy to talk to him. But, how much longer could he go on with chasing after someone that never seemed to pay him much attention? 

Wasn’t that all that Richie really wanted in life? Attention? 

It was surprising to say the least when he somehow ended up in Eddie’s lap months later. He thought it might as well have been fucking fate or whatever. Drunk off his ass as he was, it took all of Richie’s personal strength not to tackle him right then and there. 

And maybe it was just the alcohol- or the weed- but Eddie somehow looked cuter than ever. 

It seemed to Richie that it took physically falling into the other boy’s lap for Eddie to finally- _finally_ \- notice him. 

Everything just spiraled from there. 

Richie was hooked. One lie led to another and the next thing he knew he’d convinced the other boy to spend spring break pretending to be his boyfriend- killing two birds with one stone, both Eddie and his parents. 

Pretending was just another lie he kept telling himself he was doing. 

Richie couldn’t place the exact moment he fell in love with Eddie, but what he _could_ place was the moment he realized he had feelings much deeper than some friendship for the other boy. 

He was drunk off his ass, once again, and holding Eddie up while he blew chunks into the toilet, and something just dawned on him while he watched the discolored alcohol spew out of Eddie’s mouth and splash into the porcelain. 

If anyone else- literally anyone else in the whole entire world- was throwing up in front of him, Richie would probably be the last person there taking care of them. 

But, because this was Eddie- Eddie, who was very drunk and sick and needed somebody to take care of him- Richie wasn’t leaving his side. No matter how disgusting and ugly it got, Richie wasn’t leaving him. 

So, that’s how he knew. As ungraceful as it was, that was how Richie knew he was falling in love with Eddie. The problem was, he just didn’t know how to fucking _stop._

And that was how he knew he was literally and utterly _fucked_. 

Because that was never the plan. As faded and disorderly the original plan was, falling in love with Eddie had never been a part of it. 

Sure, he’d wanted to spend time with the other boy- had been trying to ever since he’d laid eyes on him on move-in day. And that all became such a fucking fantastic plus of this plan to piss off his parents. But, Richie was never good with relationships, was never good at falling in love and especially not with a boy. 

Yet, as fucked as he was, that didn’t stop him. That didn’t stop him from spending more time with Eddie and falling more in love between their talks by the pool and adventures on the lake. Eddie just fit with him- fit with his life and his friends. And that was all okay because they were _supposed_ to be acting like a couple and having fun together and pretending to be in this loving relationship. 

So, it was all okay, until it wasn’t. Until the both of them acknowledged that this wasn’t pretend. Until the moment Richie was pinning Eddie to the mattress and kissing him senseless. Until Richie finally realized that all of these feelings he had for the other boy were requited. 

And that’s when everything went to shit between them. 

Because as good as it was with Eddie, as good as he felt with him, everything became all too real, all too quickly. He wasn’t good enough for Eddie. He could never give the other boy what he deserved. Not with his messed-up life, not with his outrageous behavior, not with his failure to take anything in his life seriously, and especially not with his parents. 

Therefore, Richie did what he always does. He ran away from his feelings. He pushed away the one person that understood him and could get to him. He broke another heart in addition to his own. 

He forgot the plan, he forgot the good things in his life, because he needed to go back to what he knew best, which was how to feel worthless. Because he couldn’t win this race. Not when he was already losing since the start. 

\--

Richie dug the heels of his hands angrily into the sockets of his eyes under his glasses, the echo of his words and Eddie’s still lingering in the bedroom. Stop crying. _Stop fucking crying._

He’d had it good with Eddie. Never in his fucked-up life had he had it _so good_. 

But, why was it that good things could never last? 

Richie sniffed, wiping his eyes and dragging his hands roughly down his face until they fell weakly to his sides. He felt scrubbed raw and uneasy on his feet. How long had he been standing there crumbling, unmoving? Five seconds? Five minutes? Five hours? 

He forced himself to move forward, at least physically, out of the room, because he couldn’t stand another second of staring at that emptiness and remembering that feeling of Eddie. 

Because that’s all it ever was now, and all it ever would be- a memory. He’d made a mistake. He’d made a huge fucking mistake.

He _needed_ Eddie. 

Richie slammed the door shut behind him as he left the room and his eyes wandered to the noise down the hall, landing on Stan and Beverly who’d seemed to be arguing in the doorway of another bedroom, however their voices quickly tapered off as their gazes shot up to meet his. 

“You son of a bitch-” Beverly started.

“Richie,” Stan cut her off and headed towards him, and Richie quickly looked away and bolted for the stairs halfway between them. 

“Not in the mood Stanley,” he grumbled, surprised his voice was even working, dodging his best friend. _Not now._

“Richie, god dammit, wait!” Stan grabbed his arm right before his foot could reach that first step down, pulling him back and Richie cursed. 

He froze, setting his jaw and glaring back over his shoulder at his best friend and his other best friend, who were looking at him like he was a fucking wounded kid or some shit. _Jesus Christ._ But, then again, maybe he was. 

Richie flicked his hard gaze down to the hand keeping him from running and back up to Stan, his own eyes suddenly betraying him once more as they flooded with that thing he hated calling emotion. He couldn’t keep anything together anymore. It was pathetic. 

“Let go of me,” he bit. 

He needed to find Eddie. He needed to stop him from leaving.

“No,” Stan shook his head insistently. He wasn’t budging. 

“Fucking let go of me-” Richie pulled abruptly away from him, catching himself on the wooden railing before he could go tumbling down the staircase. 

“Richie, stop!” Beverly yelled. “He’s already gone-” 

Richie suddenly couldn’t breathe. He leaned over the mantel, sucking in sharp breaths, staring down at the blurry hardwood floor on the first level. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. He thought of Eddie’s inhaler.

Is this what it felt like to lose yourself?

“Did you hear me? Eddie’s gone! He’s not coming back, Richie-” 

He couldn’t understand. Beverly’s voice sounded like it was underwater. Richie squeezed the wooden mantel tightly with his hands, knuckles white, screwing his eyes shut. _Breathe._

“Will you shut up, Bev?” Stan said, faraway. He was so far away. _Fucking breathe._

“Hey, man, are you okay?” There was a hand on his shoulder and Richie flinched stiffly. _Stanley’s_ hand. _Stanley’s_ voice, gentler than before. He was closer. “Richie, hey, what the fuck’s going on? Talk to me.” 

He couldn’t talk. He couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe. Richie clutched tighter to the railing, looking down, the floor on the first level falling further and further away from him. He felt like he was going to hurl.

“What’s wrong with him?” Beverly asked. Stan shushed her.

“Richie,” Stan said again, hand still on his shoulder holding him in place. Richie sucked in a deep breath and broke away. 

“Fuck,” he choked, pushing away from the stairway mantel. He backed up from the edge, feeling like he’d just gotten off the fucking gravitron at the fair. He brushed past Beverly and escaped into the bedroom they’d been arguing in. He sat down on the plaid bedspread, knees wobbling and eyes burning, fingernails digging into his shaky palms, breathing sharply. 

Beverly and Stan were right behind him. 

“It’s fine, Richie,” Stan tried to reassure him. 

“Don’t lie to him-” Beverly started.

“It’s _going_ to be fine,” Stan corrected, shooting a warning look at Bev. Richie stared straight ahead, past the both of them. 

“You knew, didn’t you?” Bev accused. 

Stan sighed loudly. “Not now, Beverly.” Richie had a feeling they were picking back up their argument from before. He tried to tune it out with the ringing in his ears. 

Lying to them had been so easy. When had lying to them become so _easy_?

Beverly shook her head. “Unbelievable! And you didn’t think you should, I don’t know, _tell_ me?” 

Stan groaned. “I had my suspicions, yes! But, it’s none of our business.”

“Oh, that’s ironic for you to say considering you’re always in _my_ business!” 

Richie wished the bed he was sitting on would swallow him whole. It already felt like the world kind of was. 

“-And I’m pretty sure when he’s lying to me about having a boyfriend, that _is_ kind of my business,” Bev went on. “It’s all of ours!”

“Well not everything is always about you, Beverly,” Stan drawled, rolling his eyes.

Bev huffed and turned towards Richie. “And you! What the fuck is wrong with you? What the fuck were you thinking?” 

“I wasn’t,” Richie said. His face was wet. 

“You weren’t what?” 

“Thinking.” Richie looked up at her, voice barely audible. He was barely there, barely breathing. “I wasn’t _thinking._ ” 

“So, it was all just fake? This whole week- everything with Eddie- you were faking it? You did everything just to screw with your life?” 

Richie nodded once. He laughed at himself bitterly. His head was heavy. The world felt heavy. 

“If it was all fake, then why are you in love with him?” 

Something inside him, deep in Richie’s ribs, stung like a motherfucker. He swiped angrily at his eyes. He tried to think. 

“You love him,” Beverly said simply.

Richie shook his head. His heart stirred. “Don’t-”

“Why do you always lie to everyone, _including_ yourself?” 

“You really think I have an answer to that question?”

“Find one.” 

“What do you want me to say?” Richie snapped, more unwelcome tears slipping out. “That I fucked up? That I lost the one person that treats me like I’m actually normal? That I’m in love with a boy who I can’t ever possibly be with because not only am I incapable of holding a healthy relationship with anyone in my life at this point, but also it would be the last fucking nail in my coffin? Is that what you want to hear?” Richie gasped for breath, eyes bloodshot and frantic, looking between Beverly and Stan and their pitying stares. He dropped his head into his hands. _Get a fucking grip._

Bev fell silent. Richie hoped she wasn’t crying. 

“That’s such bullshit, Richie,” Stan said frustratingly, and Richie looked up, eyebrows furrowing together, unsure of where he was going and ready to fight him on it. “For as long as we’ve been friends you’ve always been the brave one. I mean, you aren’t scared of shit- except clowns.” 

Stan almost sounded humored by what he was saying. He counted on his fingers as he began to list things off. “You were never scared of the horror movies we watched when we were kids. You were never scared of what people at school thought of you. You were never scared of mouthing off to your parents. So, don’t tell me this is what you’re afraid of. Don’t tell me that _Eddie_ is what you’re afraid of.” Stan looked at him, shaking his head and sputtering dryly. “Because that’s such bullshit.” 

Richie’s scowl deepened. He wanted to defend himself. He wanted to tell Stan to fuck off- that he wasn’t scared- that he was just sick of fighting- or that maybe, for once in his life he’d earned the right to be afraid, or that really, he’d always been scared of everything and had just never shown it. But, when he opened his mouth, Stan cut him off before he could say anything. 

“This whole week, I’ve watched you with him, Richie. I figured right away you brought him here to start something because I _know_ you and I _knew_ if it was anything serious- like you were making it out to be- you would’ve been blabbing to us the second it happened.” Stan raised his eyebrows at him in question, asking if he was wrong, and Richie just stared at him blankly until he continued. 

“I _warned_ you not to go through with this. I told you things would get messy. You’re a damn good actor, Richie, but you can’t keep fooling yourself. And you sure as hell aren’t fooling me.” Stan gave him a small, sorry smile, and Richie just looked at him, not feeling, not thinking, just listening for once.

“It’s easy to tell when somebody means something to you,” Stan continued. “You get ten times happier- and a hundred times more annoying, but that’s beside the point. What I’m trying to say is, you might just _deserve_ what you had with Eddie. He fits with you.”

Richie sniffed, looking at his best friend, and he wanted to believe it. He wanted to believe that it was that easy- that because Eddie made him feel important for the first time ever in his life that he could just be with him- that they could just run back to school together and be fucking in love and forget the world around them. But, that wasn’t enough. That could never be enough. No matter how hard he laughed or how fast his heart pounded around the other boy, there would always be weights holding him down, stopping him from getting what he wants or what he deserves. 

This wasn’t about believing in a relationship with Eddie. This was about believing in himself. And Richie figured he was long past incapable of doing that. 

“I know what I saw Richie and it was _real_ ,” Stan promised him, and that was a big promise to make.

“So, what am I supposed to do? He’s gone. It’s too late,” Richie whispered, and it hurt. It hurt so bad knowing what he’d lost and how badly he’d hurt Eddie. Things had never felt right throughout his life, but maybe they had been- as fucked up as that was- for the first time with Eddie. 

“Get your shit together, Richie!” Beverly broke her silence next to him, throwing her hands out like the answer was obvious. 

“Shut up, Beverly!” Stan silenced her. He turned towards his best friend, putting his hands on Richie’s shoulders, shaking him lightly. “Get your shit together, Richie.” 

Bev mumbled exasperatingly next to him.

Richie shook his head, staring at Stanley in front of him. “I can’t,” he said weakly. 

“You can,” Stan nodded. “Your parents love you, Richie. You’ve never let them dictate your life before. Why start now?” 

Richie’s eyes were stinging again. Eddie had been through enough. He couldn’t keep putting him through more. Richie took a deep, shaky breath. “Fuck-” He turned away from Stan’s hold and stood up from the bed, heading towards the door out and blinking back the tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “I can’t deal with this shit right now.” 

“You’re going to have to deal with it eventually, Rich,” Beverly said, starting after him again, but she stopped. 

“Let him go,” he heard Stan say behind him. Richie felt guilty and thankful at the same time as he fled. 

\--

He didn’t really know where he was going or what he was doing, but Richie found himself out on the dock, staring out at the lake, gasping in the fresh air. Upstairs with everything that had happened- with Eddie and Stan and Beverly- had been fucking suffocating. He needed to remember how to breathe. 

He’d hoped the lake would help, as calming and empty as it was under the bright sun, but it didn’t. His mind kept racing, too fast to comprehend anything, and his body kept hurting. His lungs were itching to be filled with something that could numb. Too bad Richie had smoked his last blunt hours ago. 

Lake Ontario was a bad idea, in and of itself, but even just in that moment. Because he could no longer stare out at that clear blue water and not think of blue eyes staring back at him. He couldn’t look at that jet ski floating next to the dock and not think of soft arms wrapped around him. He couldn’t watch the cliffs off in the distance and not remember Eddie taking that jump with him. 

Richie lowered himself to the smooth wooden planks beneath him and slid his legs over the edge to let his feet splash in the water. 

Eddie had left, yet he still felt like he was everywhere- on this lake, and under Richie’s skin, and imbedded in his mind. And Richie wondered where he would be now if Eddie hadn’t fallen into his lap at that stupid party and Richie hadn’t convinced him to follow him here and become a part of his game. Because then maybe Richie wouldn’t feel so lost and heartbroken. 

But, deep down he knew he didn’t regret it. He’d forgotten how to love and be loved long ago, and he’d forgotten how much he missed it, till it was right there in front of him. 

“Hey, t-trashmouth,” a voice called out from behind him, and Richie didn’t jump, didn’t turn around, because it wasn’t the voice he hoped to hear. 

He kicked his legs in the water, staring down at the lake as the pad of footsteps grew closer as they neared him on the dock. He pulled his cigarette pack from his back pocket and fiddled with the cardboard flap.

“M-mind if I join y-you?” 

Richie glanced up, at the leader of the pack smiling sadly down at him and gesturing to the empty space of dock right next to him- a space Eddie had once filled. He rubbed his nose, looking back out at the lake. He’d wanted to be alone, but he didn’t have the energy to say no to him.

“Nah, be my guest,” Richie said dryly, and Bill took a seat next to him. “Although, I don’t think I’m good company right now.” 

“You’re n-never good company, R-Rich.” 

Richie huffed lightly and pulled a cigarette from his pack, sticking it between his lips and lighting the end. He welcomed the silence that fell between them for a few moments as he filled his lungs with smoke. Bill was always good like that. He knew when to talk and when not to, something Richie always struggled with and envied his friend for, among some other things. 

“So, w-what’s up?” Bill asked, swishing his bare feet back and forth in the water, giving Richie all the time that he needed. 

Richie huffed again, blowing out smoke and welcoming the buzz of nicotine finally reaching his head. “Well, in case you missed the whole display back there, my boyfriend- who was never _really_ my boyfriend- left.” Richie did his best to ignore the twinge in his chest, the uneasiness in his gut. 

Bill hummed thoughtfully, focusing intently on the ripples of water surrounding their feet. “Was kind of hard to miss,” he admitted.

“Yeah, well-” Richie shrugged, stuffing his cigarette back between his teeth. He could only imagine what wise words of wisdom Bill was about to unload on him. He’d already had enough for a lifetime between Stan and Bev.

“It’s a-always something with you,” he said lightly, picking his gaze up to look at him. “I don’t know w-why I’m so s-surprised that you’d-”

Richie ripped the cigarette from his mouth and coughed out smoke, turning his head wildly to him. “Don’t act like Stan didn’t tell you days ago-”

“H-he didn’t have to,” Bill said, and Richie squinted at him. Bill rolled his eyes and looked back to the water. “You’re sm-smarter than that, Richie. Stan is f-f-fucking loyal. H-he’d do anything for you, y-you know.”

Richie just stared at him, trying to think, but things just weren’t adding up.

“W-we all would,” Bill added, glancing back over to him and suddenly Richie’s chest stung for a whole other reason. He looked away and swallowed hard.

It was quiet for a while as Richie tried to gather his bearings, letting his cigarette burn between his fingers, flicking the ashes into the lake.

“S-so you like him?” Bill asked after a few moments. They weren’t talking about Stan or the losers anymore.

Richie sighed, furrowing his eyebrows together, focusing on his shaky fingers dangling over the dock. It felt like such a stupid question. What wasn’t to like about Eddie?

His ridiculous germaphobia? His need to have answers to everything? His occasional grumpy attitude? His reluctance to open up about some things? The way he wasn’t afraid to put him in his place?

Richie loved all of that. There wasn’t a thing he’d change about Eddie even if he could. The other boy had catapulted into his life and surprised him in ways he’d never be able to understand. He’d take brushing his teeth more frequently, and being serious every now and then, and working to turn that frown upside down, and being patient, and accepting that maybe he’s in the wrong sometimes. He’d take all of that in a heartbeat if it meant he got Eddie.

He could never get enough of the smaller boy. Eddie was like the gift that just kept on giving. When Richie thought he knew him left and right, he’d learn more. Eddie continued to amaze him minute after minute the entire week they spent together, with his voice and his laughter and his touch. So, of course Richie liked him. That had never been the issue.

Bill nodded without Richie having to even answer him. It was obvious, wasn’t it?

“Then, why d-did you throw him away like that? H-he clearly likes you, t-too, Richie.”

Richie sighed again. He tossed the butt of his cigarette into the lake and rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses. It was too painful to talk about- or even think about for that matter- but something told him he needed to.

“Because I can’t be that person for him, Bill. I’ll ruin him just like I ruin everything.” He thought about his life, and everything that had gone wrong, especially in the past year. He’d just find a way to fuck things up and destroy Eddie, if he hadn’t already.

“Y-you don’t ruin _everything_ ,” Bill said honestly. Richie could feel his heavy gaze on him and it made him impossibly more fidgety.

“Then, you don’t know the first thing about me,” Richie said bluntly. 

Bill ignored him. They both knew that wasn’t even remotely true. Bill probably knew him better than he even knew himself. “You want m-my advice, or not?” he said.

Richie wanted to scream at him _no_ , but that wasn’t really true either. Bev had been right. At some point he needed to stop lying to himself.

“You’re always going to b-be able to find reasons why you’re not g-good enough or why you shouldn’t let y-yourself be happy with someone. You have to find w-ways to look past that and see what’s in front of you,” Bill said. “Y-you’ll drive yourself crazy w-worrying about the what-ifs.”

Richie sucked in a shaky breath. Bill’s words were poking holes in his chest and digging up self-inflicted wounds that Richie had always refused to acknowledge. But, maybe Big Bill was right. Maybe Richie was too scared about the future to recognize what was standing clear as day in front of him.

He had a feeling Bill might be talking from experience with Stan.

“If you r-really love Eddie, you sh-should take your chance while you still have it. N-no matter how it ends up. You’ll regret it if y-you don’t.”

Richie kicked his feet slowly in the water, staring down at the calm lake, his own head thundering. He knew his heart belonged to Eddie, somebody he would probably never have, but that didn’t matter. That didn’t change anything about the person he was and the person he wanted to be. He was a fighter.

“Come on, Rich. When h-have I ever steered you wrong?”

Something sunk deep inside Richie and he looked up, meeting Bill’s soft gaze. His eyes suddenly were stinging again. He didn’t want to go there, but the words were already off his tongue. “When you told me to go away to college last year.”

Bill’s expression faltered. His mouth dropped open, but nothing came. Richie scowled, shaking his head. The words had come out wrong. That hadn’t been quite the conversation they’d had a year ago.

“W-what are y-you t-talking about?”

Richie backpedaled, or at least tried to explain. “Last year, when I didn’t know what to do after high school, you- you pushed me to go to college. And ever since I moved away, things have turned to shit.”

Bill’s face fell. Richie could see him trying to understand, trying to remember that conversation they’d had what felt like centuries ago, when Richie had gone to him desperately for advice. Bill shook his head. “I thought th-things would g-get easier w-with your parents if y-you w-were-”

“I’m not talking about my parents,” Richie said.

Bill looked at him- really _looked_ at him- mouth opening and closing. He didn’t know what to say, and Richie didn’t either.

“Wh-what-”

Richie sniffed and looked out at the horizon. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand. “You once promised me things would never change between us- between the losers- but, they did.”

“Richie-”

“It’s stupid, I know,” Richie laughed humorlessly at himself. “We’re not kids anymore. I can take care of myself.” He shook his head, trying to clear his emotions, chewing on his bottom lip. It was hard to admit, but he had to. “I just- it’s so different without you guys. And sometimes I just feel like I’m losing my best friends.”

It was quiet for a second before Bill reached out and touched his arm, waiting for him to look at him, and when Richie did his eyes were blurry with tears. He pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and sniffed.

“You’ll never lose us,” Bill said definitely. “We’ll always be right here.”

Richie knew that. He had to know that. Because without the losers, he was nobody.

“I know th-things are different, but we’ll always b-be here for you, Rich. No matter what,” Bill promised. “And I’m s-sorry if it seemed otherwise.”

“Gosh, don’t apologize, Billy-” 

“You c-can’t get rid of us that easy, you know,” Bill offered him a small smile.

Richie huffed and shoved his shoulder lightly, sending him teetering to the side on the dock with a laugh and leaning back to bump shoulders with him. The smile felt wrong on Richie’s face with his heart still torn up inside him. But, that was the thing with Bill. He always knew how to make everybody feel better.

It was a moment before Bill spoke again, the comfortable silence settling between them as they sat next to each other staring out at the lake.

“Is that why y-you didn’t tell us the truth about Eddie?” he asked softly. 

Richie exhaled and considered it for a minute. “Maybe,” he spoke honestly. The distance he’d sensed between himself and the losers had definitely played a part in it. But, being dishonest with each other was never like them and his friends were the only people in the world he felt he could tell anything to. Well, besides Eddie. “I think I mostly just didn’t want to be talked out of it,” he admitted.

Bill chuckled beside him. “Yeah, that’s our tr-trashmouth.”

Richie smiled again. “I’ve missed you guys.”

“W-we’ve missed you, too.”

Richie looked over at him, eyebrows raised. “Even Stan?”

Bill scoffed. “Stan the m-most.”

Richie laughed lightly, shaking his head.

“The semester w-will be over before y-you know it, Rich. Then, we’ll all b-be home for the s-summer just like old times,” Bill assured him. 

Richie nodded, smile fading as he looked back to the lake. He couldn’t wait.

“A-and now you have Eddie,” Bill added quietly.

Richie’s heart picked up in his chest. He didn’t though. He didn’t have Eddie and that’s what was killing him inside. He wanted him more than anything. He couldn’t keep making the same mistakes for the rest of his life.

It suddenly hit him- in the heart, in the chest, in the being.

He had to _try_. He would never be able to live with himself if he didn’t at least try. 

“Shit- sorry, I have to go,” Richie said abruptly, already pulling his legs up and splashing water as he pushed to his feet. 

Bill didn’t even look surprised. He chuckled quietly and yelled, “Good luck!” as Richie hurried down the dock and onto the stony beach. 

His mind was set on Eddie. _Eddie, Eddie, Eddie._ It was always Eddie. It would always be Eddie. Why the fuck did it take him so long to realize? 

He slowed just barely when he reached the top of the grassy hill, acknowledging Mike, Ben and Bev back to hanging out by the pool, music blaring in full spring break spirit. 

_One, two, three, come on! I’ll never be the same, if we ever meet again. Won’t let you get away, said, if we ever meet again._

Richie was stupid. He was a fucking idiot for ever letting Eddie walk away from him. 

_This free fall’s, got me so. Kiss me all night, don’t ever let me go._

He wasn’t going to let this end. Eddie wasn’t just some guy that he drew into his life and was going to let leave without a fight. He’d said so much he didn’t mean, but he’d also said so much he _meant_. Because everything was real up till today. Every word, every touch, every kiss, because Richie felt it in his fucking heart. 

_I’ll never be the same._

_If we ever meet again._

“Where are you going?” Bev yelled as Richie rushed passed them by the pool. 

“To find Eddie!”

Their cheers of approval were muddled by Richie’s heart beating in his throat. _Say if we ever meet again._

He yanked the back door open, AC hitting his flushed face as he slipped inside frantically. _Keys._

He bypassed both his parents and Stan standing in the kitchen as he searched the counter tops. He needed his fucking car keys. 

“What are you doing?” Stan asked, tiredly. Richie barely registered his words or their stares. 

He spotted the jeep key hanging on a hook on the wall and swiped it.

“Where are you going?” his mother asked.

“Back to school.” He was already rounding the counter island to leave the kitchen. 

“Richard,” his father barked, and Richie ignored him. He tried to ignore him. “Richard!” his voice was stern and cutting and Richie couldn’t stop himself from freezing in place, key digging into the palm of his hand as he gripped it tightly. 

He didn’t look. He didn’t want to look. 

He was brave. Stan said he was brave. 

“You’re not going back to school,” his father ground out. A fact. 

Nothing was a fact. 

“Fuck yeah, I am,” Richie mumbled, rotating the car key in his palm. 

“You’re supposed to stay till Sunday, honey,” his mother tried, voice softer than his father’s. 

“He’s not going anywhere,” Went quieted his wife. 

Richie turned around, swollen eyes finding his father’s, unblinking, unmoving. This was happening. 

“Or what?” Richie challenged. 

“I’m not going to let you-” 

“You’re not going to let me what?” Richie cut him off. “Live my life?” He felt like laughing. 

Stan swiped whatever bird book he was reading at the breakfast bar and left the room. His mother looked between the two of them uneasily before following Stan outside. 

“You’re a part of this family. You’re spending the rest of your break _here_ , with your mother and your friends.” 

“I’m going to spend the rest of my break trying to fix the one thing you made me ruin. And that’s not here.” 

“What? Eddie?” his father, scoffed, brushing him off. 

“I love him,” Richie grinned. The words never felt so right rolling out of his mouth. He wasn’t tongue-tied this time. 

“Is that so? I think you’re just a selfish brat that will do anything to make me resent you and I’m not playing your games this time.” 

“When have you ever?” Richie laughed manically.

Went slammed his hand down on the counter, the telltale sign that he was losing his cool and Richie was _living_ for it. 

“Grow up, Richie! I’m not the one ruining your life! I don’t give a shit if you love a boy. These childish games you play and lies you’re constantly telling are why nobody ever hangs around you for more than a week. It’s not because of me!”

Richie knew that. Richie knew that, and the realization was painful. But, he couldn’t blame anyone, but himself. His greatest fear- everything his dad said- was true. 

“I give you everything. I pay for your food and clothes. I pay for this house. I pay your tuition, so you can go- what? Go fool around at school? And come back here to drive a wedge between this family? Your behavior’s gotten old, Richard!” 

Everything? Everything, right?

Wrong.

“You’re just doing it for attention! You’re ungrateful and spoiled rotten-” 

“Yeah, you give me everything except your fucking acceptance!” Richie snapped. His eyes were burning with tears he wouldn’t let spill. How could he accept himself when his father never would? “I never asked for anything from you! You can throw your money around all you want! You can stop paying my tuition! I don’t give a shit! It doesn’t make up for-” Richie’s voice caught in his throat and he gasped for a breath. His hands were shaking at his sides. “It doesn’t make up for you never giving an actual shit about me.” He looked away. He had to. His whole body was trembling. 

He thought about what was important right now. Eddie. Eddie was the only thing that was important right now. 

“That’s not true, Richie. I’m your father and I love you-” 

“I don’t need you,” Richie said, shaking his head. 

Right? 

Right. 

“I’m going back to school to find Eddie whether you like it or not.” 

He turned to leave, and his father reached for him. Richie jerked out of his way, turning around to stare deadly at him. 

“Don’t touch me,” he warned lowly, glare unwavering. 

Went’s face fell. He didn’t. 

Richie clutched the car key tightly and headed for the front door. 

He heard the muted electronic music coming from the backyard as he jogged across the lawn. 

_I wanna run away. I wanna run away. Anywhere out this place. I wanna run away._

_Just you and I._

The beat dropped and so did his heart in his throat. 

He breathed once he was in the Jeep, once he was turning the key in the ignition and rolling down the windows for fresh air as the radio came on. 

He could do this. He had to do this. He took a deep breath. 

He breathed once he was putting the car into reverse and pulling out of the driveway of the lake house. 

_Baby, I’ve been there before. I was at the point where all I really wanted was someone._

He wasn’t worthless. He’d taken things way too far, but he was done running. He was going to get the boy, no matter what it took, no matter how much it hurt. He wasn’t afraid. 

He moved to change the radio station, but stopped to turn the volume up instead. 

Eddie meant more to him than anyone could ever understand. 

_And now I’m still hangin’ on._

What was so special about one spaghetti head? Everything. 

_I was at the end of every tether waiting for what once was._

“RICHIE, WAIT!”

Beverly’s voice had him slamming on the breaks and checking his rearview mirror. He watched as five huge dorks sprinted madly down the pavement towards his car. Richie pushed up his glasses and broke into a wide grin.

They all slowed as they reached him, fighting to catch their breaths. Bill and Mike were already hopping into the back seat. Ben was calling shot gun.

“What are you guys doing?” Richie asked, confused.

Bev leaned her head into his open window and smacked a loud kiss on his cheek. “We’re coming with you, silly.” She climbed into the back seat and onto Mike’s lap. 

Stan followed her, squishing himself between Mike and Bill. He leaned forward over the middle console to ruffle Richie’s hair. “What are you waiting for? Let’s go get your man.”

“Fuck- I love you guys.” Richie smiled widely and slammed on the gas.

He said goodbye to Lake Ontario. He said hello to the rest of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> now back to eddie :-)
> 
> here's the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/user/pj6379/playlist/5gQjVwbtjJLnF8u5kgYXAP?si=lEug0PGZSbSWQmc7Ntmy4A)
> 
> i'm [richie-eds](https://richie-eds.tumblr.com) on tumblr


	10. This Is Gospel

Eddie jolted awake to loud pounding on the door. He didn’t really move- _couldn’t_ really move- but he’d forgotten where he was for just a second. He’d forgotten the nightmare of yesterday and his unplanned return back to school, and for just a second, he thought this was any normal day. He thought he was okay. 

So, when he glanced around the room drearily, and everything quickly came crashing back to him, he remembered why his body ached painfully, why his eyes were so damn swollen from crying, why his heart was broken. And he _wasn’t_ okay. 

Eddie didn’t care that some asshole was knocking on their door at a ridiculously early hour in the morning. He didn’t really care about anything anymore. 

Instead, he sucked in a breath and pulled his comforter back over his head, closing his eyes, and letting himself try and find sleep again despite the pounding noise, because then at least, he wouldn’t be able to _feel_. 

He forced his mind to go blank, barely acknowledging the sound of Vic grumbling incoherently and stumbling out of bed, stomping to the door and ripping it open. 

“What the actual fuck?” his roommate practically screamed at whoever was on the other side, Eddie trying his best to focus only on his shaky breathing, his lingering sleep state. 

There was a clap, the loud noise of a hand pushing the door back open before Vic could slam it shut in whoever’s face. 

“Is he here? Stop- I need to see him! I just need to talk to him!” 

That one voice- probably the only voice in the world that could break Eddie from whatever hold he had on trying to forget the world- had him sitting up instantly in bed, eyes shooting back open to land on Victor blocking the doorway, and he was suddenly awake- as awake as he could ever be. 

“Shut the fuck up, he’s sleeping. Go piss off-” Vic grumbled sternly, blocking the person from looking into the room, but Eddie caught a glimpse of wild brown hair trying desperately to duck around his roommate in the cracked door. He’d thought he’d been dreaming, but as sick and unreal as this felt, he was sure. 

“No- Eddie! Eddie-” the unmistakable voice yelled, trying to wiggle frantically around Victor in the door frame. Vic immediately started pushing him. 

“Get the fuck out of here!” 

“Vic-” Eddie croaked, barely recognizing his own voice, sounding like sand paper. Hoarse was an understatement. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Vic- no-” 

His roommate froze where his whole body was up against Richie, pushing him out of the doorway, so he could try to close it in his face. Vic turned, stepping back to look at Eddie, keeping a firm hand on Richie’s chest to keep him in place, and that’s when Eddie saw him. 

Magnified, bloodshot eyes were on him in an instant, heavy and unreadable and Eddie stared back dully. He didn’t know how to feel anymore. He was too cried out, but he still hurt and something else- that familiar thrumming in his chest that Eddie started to despise. Because he shouldn’t feel any sort of way towards Richie Tozier anymore. He’d _ended_ them. 

But, suddenly Eddie was flashing back to a week ago, when Richie had stood in that very same doorway, bright eyes full of life and humor and so many promises- promises that had been broken. He remembered all the relentless teasing, the what ifs, the burn when Richie touched him. And he wished he could go back and do it all over again- because maybe he’d do it all differently, or maybe he wouldn’t change a damn thing, but he’d still do it all _again_. 

He wanted all the promises back, because now, Eddie’s heart just burned in a way he’d never experienced, like there was no life left in it, like his heart was already in its own version of hell. That choking throb, the same beat from a week ago that started this whole fiasco, was still present, and strong, but unbearable all at the same time and he couldn’t take it. 

“Eds-” Richie said, shouldering past Victor to get into the room and Vic snapped out of it in an instant, turning back around to start roughly shoving Richie again. 

“No- No way! Out!” 

Eddie watched the struggle for a moment, thoughts racing wild, and he really wished they wouldn’t, but why was Richie here? Spring break wasn’t over, and Richie had made it clear that the two of them _were_. 

“Vic, stop-” Eddie said weakly, lips moving before his mind could catch up to them. He couldn’t watch this anymore, and maybe that meant he would just have to hear what Richie had to say. “Just stop. It’s fine-” 

“Get your fucking hands off me, Jesus,” Richie grumbled, pushing the other boy away from him, who finally relented at Eddie’s words. “Do you man handle everyone that comes into your room?” 

“Only fucking assholes,” Vic sneered, watching Richie closely before looking at Eddie, eyebrows raised, asking him if he was sure about this. 

And _no_ , Eddie would never be sure about breaking his heart impossibly more, but he sighed dimly and nodded at him anyways. 

Vic huffed roughly and straightened the t-shirt he’d slept in that was all twisted from his squabble with Richie. He grabbed his pillow from his bed coarsely and shouldered past the four-eyed man. “I’ll be sleeping out in the floor lounge. You better watch yourself, Tozier,” he warned, slipping out of the door and letting it slam shut behind him. 

Richie was shooting two middle fingers at the now closed door, eyes remaining focused on Eddie. He let his hands drop finally, irritated demeanor fading into something more somber as he adjusted his glasses nervously.

Eddie broke his gaze from those burning brown eyes to stare at his hands in his lap, fiddling with his comforter and silently panicking. The room was suddenly so heavy under Richie’s unrelenting gaze, and Eddie could barely think. What was there left to be said? What was he doing here? 

It was quiet for a long breathless moment, and he glanced up. Richie was just standing there in front of the door, gaping at him. Eddie had never seen the other boy so speechless. He wanted to scream at him to say something, but he was awfully afraid of what the other boy would actually say.

Eddie didn’t let himself drink Richie in because everything about this was a bad idea. His chest was pounding dimly. He turned his gaze to the window, watching the sun just begin to rise and cast orange rays of light into the small room. It was barely six am.

Eddie huffed out a long breath he’d been holding and tried not to let himself crumble. He swiped his inhaler off his bedside table, clutching it tightly in his hand, and waited. 

“You are so fucking beautiful, you know that?” Richie said finally, softly breaking the silence in the room. 

Eddie looked back at him, breath catching in his tight throat and heart picking up painfully, eyes already wet and gleaming. He didn’t understand. He hadn’t known what the first thing Richie would say to him would be, but he certainly wasn’t expecting it to be that.

“Stop-” Eddie choked on the word, taking another shaky breath, looking back at his hands gripping his inhaler and the comforter over his lap like they were his lifeline. He looked like a fucking anxiety-ridden mess. 

Richie moved forward, shifting down on his boney kneecaps in front of the bed to get at Eddie’s eye level. “No, you are _so fucking beautiful_ ,” he repeated and let the words settle thickly in the air. 

Eddie slowly looked up, forced to meet those sparkling eyes that had never left his face since they’d entered the room. Richie had said the words like he’d actually meant them, no crude humor, no teasing, no dishonesty. Maybe it was the first real thing he’d said since Eddie had met him, but it _couldn’t_ be.

Eddie’s breath faltered again, and he dropped his inhaler onto the sheets to run his hand through his own disheveled hair, pushing it back from his forehead self-consciously. He felt that magnetic pull between them and he knew for sure he was going to cry if Richie touched him. 

Richie reached up a hand to touch Eddie’s face, but stopped short, letting it hang dumbly in the air between them, watching him closely. Eddie was certain Richie could see right through him and he hated it- he hated that of all the people in the world, that Richie was the one who could break down the walls he’d spent his entire life putting up.

“Why are you here?” Eddie whispered, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth to stop it from trembling. 

Richie stared at him, eyes shining and tired behind those thick-rimmed glasses. “Because I couldn’t fucking stand the thought of being without you,” he said softly. 

Eddie cracked, and Richie touched him, let his hand brush across the skin from his cheek to his chin. Eddie blinked the tears roughly from his eyes, letting them run down his face and Richie brushed them away just as quickly. He was shaking. 

Richie moved his hand to run through Eddie’s hair, letting his other hand come up to hold his face. 

“Hey,” he said, trying to calm him, trying to get him to listen. “I didn’t know what I had until you were walking out the front door, and I was a moment too late,” Richie spoke lowly, meaningfully, holding his gaze. “But, I know _now_.” 

Eddie’s heart throbbed as he looked at Richie. He wanted to believe it, but everything hurt. 

He allowed his gaze to rake over Richie’s expression, over the exhaustion, but the sincerity- the need to fix something, Eddie wasn’t sure what. Richie was wired. Eddie could tell his eyes were stinging, just by the way he blinked. He hadn’t slept. 

“Did you sleep?” he sniffed, and he wondered why he was suddenly concerned for Richie, protective over him, but here he was and maybe he always would be. 

Richie’s eyebrows furrowed together, taken aback by the question like that should be the least of Eddie’s worries, and he was probably right. He shook his head slowly. 

Richie had barely slept in two days, Eddie knew that because he’d spent the night before with him- the night Richie had spent thinking, and surely regretting. He needed to sleep. 

“Stop crying,” Richie whispered, continuing to gently brush the tears away that continued to relentlessly fall from Eddie’s eyes. He couldn’t. 

Richie licked his lips, letting his gaze fall for a second before returning, with even more resolve and power than before. He cradled Eddie’s face between his hands. 

“I made a huge fucking mistake,” he said. “One that will live with me for the rest of my life if I don’t get to fix things between me and you.” He’d never sounded so serious.

Eddie shook his head, fighting back the breathy sobs that were threatening to spill from his lips if they weren’t already. “I don’t want to be friends,” he said. 

Richie shifted forward again, leaning over the bed closer to him and shook his head as he held him tighter. “You’ve only known me for a week, and you already know me better than anyone else I know. Better than all the losers-” Richie’s voice caught in his throat, but he pushed through. “You’re my _best_ fucking friend, Eddie.” 

Richie’s eyes were shining brighter, welling up with fresh tears and Eddie sniffed back his emotions, going quiet and trying to listen, trying to hold onto the feeling of Richie caring about him because it couldn’t be _real_. 

“Everything you said was true. I felt _everything_ with you,” Richie said, staring into his fucking soul and Eddie tried to get a grip and tried not to have a heart attack from the way his chest was pounding. “Every word, every fucking kiss, and I lied to you. And I’ve been lying to myself even more, but I can’t _stand_ the thought of losing you.” 

Eddie was crying harder, and Richie wasn’t letting him look away from him, not until every last word was out. 

“And I don’t want to spend another moment of my life pretending that I don’t love you, Eddie.” 

Eddie’s world stopped, or maybe it had stopped hours ago and now it was restarting. Because this was crazy, everything about this whole fucked up situation was crazy, and Richie couldn’t love him, couldn’t actually be in love with someone like him. But, he’d said it. 

“What?” Eddie choked, blinking back tears to look at him more clearly. 

“I love you,” Richie breathed. “And if you want to tell me to fuck off after this, that’s fine, but I need you to hear this first. I need you to know that ever since I first saw you, I knew you were somebody I wanted in my life. And maybe I didn’t realize at the time what that meant, but after this week- after getting to know the _real_ you- I _know_ that you are the person I want to be with.” 

Richie sniffed, dropping a hand to rub the tears from his own eyes before returning it to Eddie and continuing, soft, yet important at the same time. 

“Because you don’t just make me a better person, you make me feel like my life is actually worth something and that despite how shitty things have been in the past, you make me feel like everything is going to be okay for once. And I was scared of that before, but I’m not now.” Richie brushed his thumbs softly across Eddie’s wet skin, looking at him like he hung the moon, and with the way his eyes settled on his it was difficult for Eddie not to believe him. 

“I thought a lot after you walked out of that room yesterday,” he breathed softly. “And I just kept thinking about you and how fucking great you are and how much of a complete idiot I am for thinking I could ever get over someone like you because I don’t think I ever can,” he said, shaking Eddie’s head lightly between his hands. “And you- you, Eds, deserve to be loved and taken care of every day of your life, and I know I can’t give you everything you deserve, but I want to fucking try because I love you.” Richie meant it, those gleaming, unwavering eyes meant it. Eddie felt weak from the words, but Richie’s gaze looked so strong. “And I couldn’t let you walk out of my life before telling you that.” 

Eddie couldn’t get his mouth or brain to work, couldn’t get his eyes to stop watering, but Richie’s touch felt warm and Eddie’s heart felt full. 

Richie looked back and forth between his eyes, trying to read him, but this time seemingly unable to. He licked his lips and whispered between them, “You’re _it_ for me, do you understand that, Kaspbrak?”

Eddie _did_ understand that. He understood because he felt it, too and maybe he couldn’t understand why Richie had pushed him away or why he loved him of all people, but it was okay for now. 

Eddie nodded and reached up, leaning forward to connect their lips and Richie met him eagerly. 

It was gentle, the brush of their lips together, warm and comforting their shivers, wet from their tears, but it was perfect for them- Eddie’s hands in the nape of Richie’s hair, Richie’s holding his face as they kissed, softly and sweetly and upending at the same time. 

Eddie pulled back to breathe, to catch his breath from crying and kissing and Richie was right there, brushing his cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, so soft and worn as they stared at each other. 

And then they were kissing again, this time stronger and more desperate as Richie climbed onto the bed to get closer to him, knees on either side of Eddie’s lap on the mattress, and Eddie kept pulling him in by the back of the head until their chests were brushing, and Eddie’s heart was screaming. 

Richie snaked his arms around Eddie’s back to hold him closer, parting his lips and slipping his tongue, and Eddie met him fervently- all slick lips and urgent licks and little moans. 

Neither boys let up anytime soon. They kissed like they had all the time in the world and so much to take, and maybe this time, they actually did. Because they could finally have _this_. They could have all of this. There was no ticking time bomb on their make out, no audience, no question on whether or not this was real because it was. Richie’s hands on his back and tongue in his mouth and nose against his skin was one hundred percent _real_. There was no faking _this_. 

Eddie kissed him until his lips were swollen and he was out of breath, and the words bubbling on the tip of his tongue were just too hard to repress. He had to pull back just to hear it. 

“You love me?” he asked. 

Richie nodded fiercely, bumping their noses together, breath on his lips and arms wrapped tightly around him. 

“It’s okay if you can’t say it back, I just-” 

“Shut up,” Eddie said, “I love you.” And it was easy. Despite everything else being so hard, saying those words was so easy. 

Richie suddenly looked uncertain- _heartbreakingly_ uncertain. His wide eyes were searching behind his crooked glasses. 

Eddie knew that doubt. He’d seen that self-doubt. 

He slid his hands from the back of Richie’s neck to straighten his glasses for him and hold him between his palms. “Stop,” he said. “I love you. Of course, I love you, Richie.” 

Richie arched forward to kiss him again, slotting their lips together and pushing back into him, slow and warm, situating himself more on Eddie’s lap to get comfortable. He was a welcoming weight to the smaller boy beneath him. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered into Eddie’s mouth in between a kiss. 

“I know,” Eddie whispered, pulling back just an inch, Richie’s gaze hooded on his lips. “I know you are, baby. It’s okay.” 

He didn’t give Richie the chance to tell him it wasn’t. He closed the short distance once again with a searing kiss, swallowing the words on Richie’s tongue and threading his fingers through his unruly hair. 

They could talk later, about everything. This time, Eddie was certain they’d have the time. Now, with exhaustion laying heavily on the both of them, they just needed to feel close. After these past couple of days, that’s all the two of them really needed in that instant- to be _close_. 

Richie responded by pushing Eddie down slowly onto the bed, curling over him, not breaking the kiss. He knew what they both wanted, what they both needed. 

They kept it slow at first, wandering hands and deep kissing- so much different from the last time they hooked up, but not any less passionate. They took their time, tongues trailing together and bodies pressing together, working each other up, sharing affection. And there was nowhere else Eddie wanted to be except underneath Richie, and he knew, for once, the other boy felt the exact same way with him. 

They kept it slow, until neither of them could take another second of waiting.

Eddie slid his hands up the back of Richie’s shirt, clawing lightly at flushed skin with blunt nails, and he pulled Richie’s shirt over his head, helping the other boy wiggle out of it. Richie’s mouth was back on him immediately, kissing his nose and the corner of his mouth, before finding his lips again more purposefully. 

Richie’s hands were brands as they skated up Eddie’s sides, taking his shirt with them, and Eddie melted into him, sucking lightly on his bottom lip and reveling in Richie’s breathy moans. Richie rocked his hips against Eddie’s, making the smaller boy’s breath hitch.

“Fuck- Eddie,” Richie breathed, leaning back on his knees as Eddie scrambled to yank off his own shirt and pull Richie back down to him, a little impatiently. He tossed his shirt across the small room and kissed the boy on top of him with urgency. 

Richie shifted his hips against his again, pressing their foreheads together and panting warmly into his mouth. His hands ran lower on Eddie’s hips, pressing into the waistband of his shorts as he continued to roll against him. Eddie arched up into him, heat swarming his body as he kissed him senseless.

Eddie lifted his legs, starting to nudge Richie’s shorts off unabashedly with his feet, hands occupied with tugging on thick strands of Richie’s hair. He felt Richie’s soft chuckle against his lips before the other boy dipped down to kiss Eddie’s flushed neck instead. Eddie tipped his head back and groaned lowly.

“Rich-” he tried, cut off by a soft gasp as Richie’s hand found his hard on, palming him through his shorts. “Richie- _fuck_ \- get your fucking shorts off,” he breathed, kicking uselessly at the clothes still covering the other boy’s skin. He was done fooling around and needed them _off_ already.

Richie sat up and huffed amusedly, eyes wild as they landed on Eddie behind slipping glasses. His hair was a fucking disastrous mop on top of his head and he was pitching a very indiscreet tent in the swim trunks he still wore from yesterday. 

Eddie loved him. He loved him _so much_.

Richie adjusted his glasses, humor quickly flickering away from his expression and turning into something like lust, as he quickly made work of yanking down his shorts and boxers, kicking them off his feet clumsily and crawling back over Eddie. 

“Fuck- _Eds_ -”

Eddie drank him in, letting his eyes finally roam over his pale skin and his freckled chest and his skinny torso, until they landed on his crotch. He glanced back up, arousal swimming through him, and Richie smiled down at him crookedly.

_God_ , he’d missed that smile.

“C’mere,” Eddie mumbled, pulling Richie down by the back of his neck so he could press their mouths together and curl his tongue against his. Richie hummed contentedly into his mouth and reached down to shimmy Eddie’s own shorts and boxer briefs down his short legs. 

And once there was no fabric left between them, there was nothing stopping Richie from kissing hotly down Eddie’s bare skin and taking him into his mouth. 

“Fuck- Rich,” Eddie breathed shakily, eyes screwing shut and fingers finding a bobbing head of hair to hold onto as Richie went down on him. Richie’s one hand gripped the curve of Eddie’s ass and the other followed his mouth tightly, leaving Eddie a squirming, moaning mess in the sheets. Eddie forced his eyes open to find those magnified eyes already locked on his, full of so much love and want, that left his own heart shuddering deep in his chest.

Eddie had thought it’d been good the last time, but it was a hell of a lot better when he knew for sure Richie cared about him and _would_ be taking care of him. Everything about it was new and breathtaking and heart stopping, and Eddie relished every second of it. 

He was getting there far quicker than imagined.

Eddie tugged lightly on Richie’s hair. “I’m gonna- oh, fuck-” he moaned. “’m gonna cum, Rich.”

Richie hummed around his dick, cheeks hollowing as he sunk down faster, and that’s all it took. Eddie let go with a loud whine. 

Richie bobbed a few more times before popping off with a soft smile. He swallowed, wiping his mouth shamelessly and kissing back up Eddie’s chest until those chapped lips were back on his.

“ _Damn_ , Eds, that was quick-”

“ _Shut_ up,” Eddie groaned against his lips, kissing him to hide his smile and letting his hand find Richie’s dick. The moment he started touching him, the other boy’s huffed laughter cut off into a choked gasp, and Eddie _cherished_ it.

He rolled them over to take care of Richie, kissing down his long body and blowing him. He took in every moan that left Richie’s lips, every choked breath and twitch of his hips. He was lucky, so lucky to have the smart-mouthed boy beneath him and to be able to share something with him that he’d never felt before. 

“Ah ah- fuck, Eddie- fucking _hell_ \- holy shit- Eds- _fuck_ \- I love you- ah-”

He’d planned for this day to be a whole lot worse. But, now he was happy, and his heart was mending, and he got to hold onto the one person in the world that he wanted to be with and pull him apart in the best way possible. 

“ _Fuck_ \- your mouth- Mmmngh- Eddie, baby- fuck- I can’t- ah-”

Richie came loudly, and Eddie sucked him down until the other boy was trembling beneath him. He climbed back over Richie’s body and collapsed onto his bare chest, pressing a kiss to his damp skin and listened to his heartbeat. Richie’s arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders as they both settled.

Being this close to Richie was special. Both of them had opened up for the other in ways they never had for anyone else before. It was raw and sincere, and countless hookups in the past could never compare because they were so utterly in love with each other. 

Richie nudged his face up so they could kiss, and Eddie met him with a hooded gaze and pliant lips, moving his mouth and tongue in tandem with Richie’s. He pulled back after a while, fingers tracing Richie’s collarbones, and Richie pressed a lingering kiss to his forehead, nuzzling his nose into his soft hair. They curled up next to each other under Eddie’s comforter, and just breathed. 

“What do we do now?” Richie asked softly after a moment, hands trailing up and down Eddie’s back as he held him protectively. 

Richie’s words caught Eddie off guard, and he quickly realized that the other boy didn’t mean physically. Eddie knew their relationship had changed a lot this past week, and now it was in uncharted territory, words they had not spoken aloud besides the fact that they loved each other. They’d figure it out, Eddie knew they would. If they could get through the past twenty-four hours, they could get through anything together. 

Eddie brushed Richie’s wild hair back from his forehead and pressed a kiss there. “Now, you stop thinking and get some sleep.” 

Richie surprisingly seemed okay with that answer. He shifted his head to nuzzle against Eddie’s shoulder and kiss his neck. “As long as you’re not going anywhere, spaghetti-head,” he whispered, and Eddie’s heart skipped painfully. 

“Never,” he promised, lifting his other hand up to find Richie’s fingers and intertwine them with his own. 

And that was enough of a promise for them to both close their eyes and find sleep together. 

\--

Eddie woke up hours later when the door to his dorm room cracked open. There was a quick spike of fear that it was Richie leaving, but when he felt the warm body still against his, and looked to see the brunette still fast asleep, he sighed to himself and smiled softly. 

Victor was slipping quietly back into their room, watching Eddie and the sleeping boy in his bed with a humored expression. 

Eddie sat up, carefully disentangling himself from Richie’s gangly limbs as not to wake him. The other boy was completely knocked out, and probably would be for several more hours with the lack of sleep he’d been getting. Eddie knew he deserved to rest more than anything. 

“Everyone decent?” Vic whispered with a quirk of his eyebrows, tossing his pillow back onto his bed. 

Eddie looked down at his lap covered by his comforter. He chewed his lip and stifled a chuckle. “Not entirely.” 

Vic laughed, and Eddie was quick to shush him. His roommate shook his head disbelievingly and with his thumb and index finger picked up the boxers discarded on the floor and tossed them at Eddie with another huff of laughter. 

They were Richie’s, but Eddie slipped them on anyways.

Vic was still shaking his head as he moved to his desk to start packing his bong. 

“So that happened, huh?” Vic remarked quietly, peering over his shoulder at Eddie with a shit-eating grin. 

Eddie rolled his eyes and looked back at the sleeping boy. It was still hard to believe himself. “Yeah, I guess it did.” 

Vic moved to lean against his own bed and light up. “He actually looks like a decent guy when he’s got his mouth shut,” he said. 

Eddie looked back at his roommate. “Yeah, maybe you can have a new smoking buddy,” he teased, and they both laughed lightly.

When the quiet laughter died down and Vic had taken a few hits, he asked, “You’re okay, though?” 

Eddie thought about it for a moment and sighed. “Yeah, I’m okay.” He was more than okay, as long as Richie wouldn’t wake up and start rethinking everything between them again. But, he knew that wouldn’t happen- not this time. He wouldn’t let it. 

Victor nodded, twirling the bong between his fingers. It was quiet for a minute before he spoke up again. “He’s good for you, though? I mean, after everything that happened, it’s okay?” 

Eddie smiled at his roommate. It was one of those serious conversations they rarely had, but when they happened, it was because they were looking out for each other. They had each other’s backs and Eddie was glad for that, despite the unhealthy company Vic usually surrounded himself with. He could be a good guy when he tried.

“Yeah,” he nodded reassuringly. “It’s okay.” 

Vic smiled back. “Good.” And with that, the seriousness was gone, and he went back to lighting his bong and blowing smoke into the air. 

Eddie turned his attention back to Richie, reaching out to stroke his hand softly against the other boy’s cheek, still careful not to wake him. He was so calm, laying there with his nose turned into Eddie’s pillow, breath heavy. Eddie missed his smile, though, his laughter and energy, and of course his ridiculously obscene jokes. He couldn’t wait for that light to return and the seriousness to fade once the other boy woke. Or at least he hoped it would.

Eddie smiled fondly at the boy he loved. He couldn’t believe he’d fallen for someone as obnoxious as Richie fucking Tozier.

“You know that song from Shrek?” Vic spoke up again, ditching the bong to begin ruffling through his backpack. 

Eddie turned back to him with a laugh, ready to humor the random shit that poured out of his roommate’s mouth whenever he was stoned. He knew Richie and him would have no problem getting along, once they put their differences aside. “What?” 

“That song from Shrek, you know, when they fall in love?” He looked at him expectantly. 

“What? Allstar?” Eddie raised his eyebrows. He was lost on this one. “Are you calling me dumb?” 

“No! Jesus,” Vic shook his head incredulously and then he held out his hands with a lopsided grin. “It goes like- _Accidentally in love... Accidentally in loveeee_ ,” he sang horridly. 

Eddie burst out laughing and covered his mouth to muffle the sound. Now he knew what his idiot roommate was getting at, and the thing was, he was absolutely right. Richie and him _were_ kind of accidentally in love. 

Eddie shook his head with a warm smile. “Are you calling me an ogre?” 

“No, I’m calling Richie one,” Vic piped. 

Eddie huffed another laugh and rolled his eyes. “Shut up.” 

He looked back at Richie, fast asleep in his bed, and laid back down to curl up next to him. 

Whether it was accidentally, or complete luck, or plain old fate that they’d fallen in love, Eddie was just fucking glad that it happened. 

“Oh, by the way,” Vic added after a moment. “There’s five squatters out in the floor lounge- say they’re friends of Richie’s.”

Eddie immediately sat back up in bed and pushed the comforter off him. A wide grin spread across his face and he scrambled out of his dorm room.

Vic was right. Out in the floor lounge were five losers sprawled out between the two couches and floor, half-asleep and mumbling amongst each other. They all perked up immediately when they saw him jogging half-naked into the room.

“Finally, there he is!” Mike said, eyes bright as he pushed up from the floor and turned to pull the smaller boy into a tight hug.

“What are you guys doing here?” Eddie asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet and practically bursting with excitement. He knew they were here for Richie and it left him feeling extremely warm knowing they all came to support him.

“Couldn’t trust that idiot to come fix his mess all by himself, now could we?” Stan grumbled, but the corner of his mouth tipped up when his gaze met Eddie’s.

“Please, tell me he fixed it,” Ben begged dramatically, pulling Eddie away from Mike and grabbing onto his shoulders. “Please, tell me he told you the truth about how he feels about you. I’m on the edge of my seat here!”

Eddie grinned widely at Ben. “He did.”

Bev erupted into cheers behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist to lift him up and twirl him around with his back against her chest. Eddie yelped and squirmed out of her grip, landing back onto two feet and turning to hug her more suitably. 

“I knew he had it in him!” Bev squealed, reaching to snap the band of Eddie’s boxers quickly. “Those are Richie’s boxers!” she howled as Eddie pushed her away from him with laughter. He quickly glanced down at the obnoxious pair of boxers printed with Hawaiian flowers that he was wearing, face flushing bright red. But, he couldn’t keep the stupid smile off of his face as the rest of the group chortled around him.

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Stan groaned, covering his amusement by dropping his face into his hands. Bill laughed beside him and rubbed his boyfriend’s shoulders, leaning down to kiss the side of his face lovingly. 

Bev and Mike were hopping around the small lounge together with possibly too much joy and laughter for the occasion of Richie and Eddie getting their shit together. Ben was just nodding his head proudly at all of them.

Eddie looked at Richie’s five best friends- friends who had accepted him and quickly became his own over the past week- and couldn’t help the undeniable happiness he felt around these people. He knew everything was going to be okay for once.

“I better get back in case Richie wakes up,” he said after a long moment of treasuring this moment with his new best friends. “But, I just wanted to thank you all- you know- for coming here and everything.” _For being there for Richie._

Bev cooed loudly, and the five of them all swarmed Eddie to pull him into one great big hug that left him choking back emotion and feeling so much love.

“I’m just glad you got the fucker to sleep,” Stan said, patting Eddie on the back approvingly. “He was cranky as fuck-”

Eddie and the group burst into laughter.

“He’s not wrong,” Mike agreed.

“Do you guys need anything?” Eddie asked once the laughter subsided, glancing around the sparse floor lounge that they had somehow managed to make feel like their own. Something about having the five of them there at college, plus Richie, made Eddie feel like he was home- and he didn’t mean his house back in Derry.

“No, we’re good,” Ben promised with a warm smile. “Get back to your trashmouth.” Bev howled behind him in reinforcement.

Eddie chuckled, hugging them all one last time before heading out of the lounge and back towards his dorm room and Richie, smile unwavering across his face.

“Hey, Eddie,” Bill called, and Eddie turned around, meeting his wide grin from the edge of the hallway. “W-welcome to the losers’ club!”

Eddie’s smile grew impossibly wider as he nodded at Bill, eyes landing on each of his loving friends once more before he raced back to his dorm room. He climbed into bed with Richie and pulled the sleeping boy tightly into his arms. 

He was never letting go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright we got one more chapter then the epilogue eskeetttit


	11. Nothing In This World

It was strange for Eddie to wake up the next day in Richie’s arms. It was strange for him to know how real all of this actually was, how they were together now with no lies and no faking anything. Eddie was beyond warmed by it, but it was still so new for him- for the both of them. After having spent all of yesterday in bed together, sleeping and hanging out and kissing and sleeping some more, Eddie was slowly beginning to accept the fact that Richie was _here_ \- that he wasn’t going anywhere. And he was _happy_.

Soft brown eyes were already on him in the morning light, lean fingers tracing lazy patterns into his naked back, and Eddie smiled sleepily at the idiot in front of him- and Richie smiled back. 

Vic was snoring faintly across the room. 

“Did you sleep well?” Eddie asked softly, and Richie hummed, turning his nose into their shared pillow. 

“I always sleep well with you,” he said.

“Yeah?” Eddie reached out to gently trace the corner of Richie’s lips with his fingertip. 

“Yeah,” Richie whispered, nuzzling closer to him. 

They laid there for a while, just staring at each other, enjoying each moment with soft touches and tangled limbs. 

“Are we going to talk about it?” Richie asked eventually, referring to the thoughts that had to be weighing heavily on the both of them by now. They couldn’t keep ignoring it. His tone was creeping with dread.

Eddie turned his gaze to Richie’s bare chest, moving his fingers to trace his collarbone. “We kind of have to, don’t we?” he asked, his voice smaller than any part of him. 

“I just don’t want you to hate me,” Richie whispered, hand playing with a tuft of Eddie’s hair. 

Eddie furrowed his eyebrows together and frowned. “I _love_ you,” he said. 

Richie sighed and leaned in to kiss his forehead, and that was when Eddie looked up, their eyes meeting for just a second before they closed, and Richie kissed his lips. 

Eddie melted into it, lips fitting with Richie’s and pushing forward just enough until Richie rolled onto his back on the mattress and Eddie was leaning over him. 

They parted only to kiss again, and again and again, lips slotting each time until there was the sweet slip of tongue. 

“We have to talk about it,” Eddie said when he finally pulled back, looking down into wide eyes behind crooked glasses. “Maybe that was our problem this whole week. We never talked about it.” 

Richie licked his lips, never breaking his gaze like Eddie suspected him to. “Maybe because talking about it is too hard.” 

Eddie brought a hand to cup his cheek, thumb stroking the curve of his jaw. When had talking ever been hard for Richie Tozier? 

“It doesn’t have to be,” he whispered. “I’m not going anywhere, Rich.” 

That creep of doubt resurfaced in Eddie, way too familiar for his liking. He wasn’t going anywhere, but maybe Richie was. 

But, Richie saw that quick in his eyes, that flash of uncertainty. “Neither am I,” he promised and when he wasn’t convinced that had settled Eddie, he repeated it earnestly. “Hey, neither am I.” 

Eddie leaned back down to kiss him, short and heart fluttering. 

Richie turned his head when the kiss broke, looking at the other boy fast asleep and snoring in the room- Eddie’s roommate. 

When he looked back up at Eddie, his mouth turned up into an amused half smile. “You know, the worst thing about college is that there is _zero_ fucking privacy in this shithole.” 

Eddie glanced over at his roommate before looking back at Richie with a smile. He raised his eyebrows cheekily. “Unless you date your roommate.” 

Richie grinned for real then, even letting out a huff of laughter. “Oh, fuck off,” he breathed, pushing up just as he pulled Eddie back down to bring their lips together and kiss him fervently. 

And Eddie more than allowed that, meeting him eagerly to kiss him through small breathy giggles, parting his lips so they could deepen the kiss and make out for a while. 

He’d missed their banter, their laughter and smiles, Richie’s careless kissing and touch. Hell, he’d even missed Richie’s awful accents and stupid fucking jokes. He lived for them.

Eddie broke the kiss when it became too much, when blood was rushing, and everything was hot, and he knew that if they continued for a second longer he’d be stripping Richie of his boxers and touching him more purposefully- Vic in the room and all. 

Richie was smiling stupidly up at him and Eddie smiled back. 

They breathed and let their hearts settle for a long moment, catching their breath, before Eddie sat up and pushed the hot covers away from him. 

“We gotta get out of here,” Eddie groaned, covering his flushed face with his hands and he heard Richie’s bright laughter from where he was still laying down in bed. 

“What’s the problem, Eds? Do I got you all hot and _bothered_?” Richie asked, raising his eyebrows and fixing his glasses way too innocently.

Eddie scowled down at his flooding amusement and act of innocence. Richie knew that answer. He _knew_ it.

Richie caught his wrist with his hand and tried tugging him back down gently, but Eddie resisted, eyeing him skeptically. 

“Oh, come on, baby. Let me take care of you,” he cooed. “I’m sure Vic will sleep right through it. I can be quiet.”

Eddie fought the smile threatening to take over his expression. “Bullshit, Richie. You couldn’t be quiet to save your life.”

Richie was wearing a shit-eating grin and it was hard for Eddie to not want to kiss it. “Let’s give him a show then,” he said, voice teasing and dead serious all at the same time.

Eddie groaned again and pulled his hand away from him. “We need to get out of here.”

Richie sat up and wrapped his arms around Eddie’s waist. He pressed a kiss to his shoulder. “Fine. Where to, cutie? Across the hall to check out my mattress? It’s pretty identical to yours, but I think we can really get my bed creaking if we-”

Eddie covered Richie’s mouth abruptly with his hand, getting him to shut the hell up, but Eddie was laughing nonetheless. And when he felt the breath of Richie’s laughter against his palm he let go to see his whole face light up like the sun.

“Fine. Where to?” Richie repeated, eyes unwavering as Eddie reached to brush his wild hair back from his face.

He grinned at this gorgeous boy he could finally call his.

“Anywhere,” he said.

“Okay,” Richie agreed, biting his lip through his smile.

Everything had been so freaking intense in Eddie’s dorm room since their return and they both needed to get out and breath together. They needed to talk about things that had happened. 

Eddie got up and started rummaging through his drawers for clothes, throwing a t-shirt and shorts Richie’s way when the brunette claimed he wasn’t leaving Eddie for a second to go get dressed in his own room- and there was no way Eddie was complaining about that. 

They both got dressed and thank god Vic was a heavy sleeper, because Richie was tripping when he pulled on Eddie’s shorts and Eddie was laughing loudly at how ridiculous he was. 

Eddie all but pushed Richie out of his dorm room as he closed the door behind the both of them and their laughter. 

“When did you become such a spaz?” he teased, straightening Richie’s twisted shirt for him. 

“Oh, baby, there’s so much you don’t know about me.” 

Then, they were kissing again. Eddie wasn’t quite sure who initiated it first, but Richie had him pinned against the wall of the hallway in an instant, shoving his tongue into his mouth. 

And when Richie finally let him breath, Eddie’s heart was pounding, and Richie was looking at him with smoldering eyes. They both needed air.

“C’mon,” he said, taking Eddie’s hand and leading the way down the hall towards the elevators of their dorm building. 

They immediately caught the attention of the losers as they passed by the floor lounge. Richie tried pulling him right past and into the elevator, but Eddie tugged him back, smiling at their friends.

“Oh, l-look who it is!”

“He’s alive, kids.”

“Finally done sucking dick?”

“Still can’t believe you guys were trying to fake this.”

“Just look at Rich. He’s glowing!”

“Fuck all of you,” Richie said, entering the room grudgingly with Eddie and leaning against the side of the couch that the five of them were crammed on. He glared at each and every one of them. There was a lazy smile tugging on his lips, however.

“Where are you two lovers off to in such a rush?” Bev asked curiously, grinning ear to ear and reaching over to pinch Richie’s arm beside her. 

He swatted her hand away and his gaze landed heavy on Eddie standing in front of him.

He clicked his tongue. “To go buy condoms,” Richie lied easily with a winning smirk.

Eddie rolled his eyes and groaned as Beverly cackled and clapped Richie on the arm approvingly.

“Thatta boy! No glove no love, am I right, kids?”

Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose and felt Richie’s humored eyes still on him. “We’re going to _talk_ ,” Eddie corrected. “We’re just going to talk.” Richie squeezed his hand and Eddie felt warm inside as he met his gaze. He was blushing.

“Jesus, what did you guys do all yesterday if you didn’t talk?” Ben asked astounded. Eddie shook his head as Richie turned to wink at him.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Benny boy-”

“No, he really wouldn’t,” Stan cut him off before he said something that none of them needed to hear.

Richie sighed exasperatedly. “Stanley, just because Bill refuses to get you off with that stick shoved so far up your ass, doesn’t mean-”

“Sh-shut up, Richie.”

Richie and Bev were laughing. Stan didn’t appear fazed one bit. 

“Guys, guys,” Mike intervened tiredly. “Can we play nice, please? It’s our last day together.”

Eddie watched something somber wash quickly across Richie’s expression as he fiddled with his glasses. As fast as it came, it was gone, and his toothy grin was back. “Of course, Mikey. I can play _real_ nice. Just ask Eddie’s mom-”

“Alright, that’s it!” Eddie tugged Richie up from the arm of the couch before he could say another gruesome word. “We’re leaving.”

“Thank _god_ ,” Stan muttered under his breath. Bill elbowed him lightly and Richie snickered.

“What- we come all this way and you boys aren’t going to spend any time with us?” Bev teased, mocking offense although she was smiling anyways.

“We’ll be back soon,” Eddie promised, heading back towards the elevators with Richie in tow behind him. Once they talked through some things then they’d be able to hang out with their friends.

“Don’t you worry, Bevvie! He doesn’t last long,” Richie howled, jumping forward to squeeze Eddie’s hips and send him squirming away from him. He bypassed the shorter boy to slam his hand obnoxiously on the elevator button.

There was a loud mix of groans and laughter behind them.

\--

The two of them ended up out on the campus quad, walking close enough that their shoulders were brushing with each step, fingers intertwined tightly between them. 

It was a sunny day, warm yet early enough that the heat wasn’t overbearing. The college campus was pretty dead for a Sunday morning. Most people wouldn’t be back from spring break till later in the day. 

Their laughter had died down since they’d gotten outside, and with that went whatever light atmosphere they’d managed to find since waking up that morning. Eddie kept peaking over at Richie, noticing his smile slowly start to fade as his thoughts raced behind those bulky glasses. 

Everything always felt so heavy between them, but Eddie knew once they talked things would be okay. They’d go back to that feeling from the beginning, when there were no worries or unanswered questions between them, when they could just be themselves and love each other for every part of it.

Eddie squeezed Richie’s hand and led them wordlessly from the pathway into the grass to sit down. Richie sat cross-legged in front of him, instead of next to him, their knees touching. 

It was quiet for a while and Eddie watched him, watched Richie play with their fingers and stare down at their hands between them. 

“What are you thinking about?” Eddie asked eventually. 

Richie shook his head at first, and then he smiled, almost sadly. “I’m thinking about how fucking free I felt jumping with you... and how I wish I could feel like that all the time.” 

Eddie swallowed thickly at that, and he suddenly felt like crying because he remembered those words he’d said days ago. And he remembered what Richie had said back. 

“You can.” 

Richie looked up at him, meeting Eddie’s glassy eyes, and Eddie blinked and nodded reassuringly at him. 

“You can,” he repeated.

Richie didn’t nod back. He huffed a long breath he’d been holding. 

“I’m not a good boyfriend, Eds,” Richie said quietly, and it hurt. It stung him knowing he really believed that. 

But, Eddie wouldn’t accept that. He shook his head quickly and leaned forward, shaking their hands between them. “What are you talking about? You’re the _best_ fucking boyfriend, Richie.” 

Richie stared at him, eyes wide and suddenly vulnerable, yet unmoving. Eddie tried to make him realize. 

“This past week, you were the best boyfriend, even if we weren’t really together,” he said. “You took care of me.” 

Richie shook his head. “I broke your heart, Eddie.” 

Eddie didn’t know what to say, because he _had_. Eddie had been so broken when he’d left that lake house. But, that was only because he thought that what they’d shared was never real. And he knew so differently now. 

“It doesn’t matter. You know why?” he asked. “Because I believe in us. I believe in all that time we spent together, and every conversation, every fight, every fucking _jump_ we took together. It was real- too real for us to handle at the time. And we can fake being in a relationship, and fake not being in love with each other all we want, but we can’t fake what happened.” Eddie shook his head. “We can’t fake what was _real_.” 

Richie wetted his lips nervously. “No, I guess we can’t,” he said finally. “I think-” Richie let the thought trail off, glancing down and back up before trying again. “I think at some point during the week I forgot we were even pretending in the first place,” he admitted sheepishly. 

Eddie smiled softly. “I think I did, too. I think that was part of the problem.” The word _’problem’_ felt wrong rolling off of Eddie’s tongue. How could he refer to anything about this past week as a problem when they’d somehow managed to end up here? _Together_. 

“You know I never meant to hurt you, Eds,” Richie said, voice so small and Eddie’s heart fluttered uncomfortably in his chest. “By pushing you away- I just-” he choked on the words, eyes swimming with emotion, and Eddie squeezed his hands. 

“It’s okay,” he promised. 

Richie shook his head. “You know, when I first asked you to spend spring break with me, it _was_ to piss off my parents,” he said quietly. “But, it was also because I wanted to get to know you. I thought we could have fun together. I _liked_ you, Eddie, but I never thought I would fall in _love_ with you.” 

Eddie stared at him. He didn’t know what to say because things had happened so differently for him. He’d known he was going to fall in love with the trashmouth from the start of spring break. He hadn’t known how fucking _hard_ , but he’d still known. It had always felt inevitable to him.

“So, when it actually _happened_ , I did the only thing I know how to do,” Richie said. “I freaked the fuck out. And then I pretended that it _wasn’t_ happening. Because that was easier than dealing with what it meant- for _you_ , for _me _, for my _family_.” His eyes were dark and sad, and Eddie could hear him choking up and he hated it. “And I’m _sorry_.”__

__“I know, Rich. It’s okay,” Eddie whispered, lifting his hands to press soothing kisses against Richie’s knuckles. He let Richie’s palm linger against his warm cheek, looking into the other boy’s strong gaze and feeling something deep inside himself that he couldn’t quite put words to._ _

__“My dad told me he loved me before I left the lake house on Friday,” Richie said suddenly, taking them both by surprise._ _

__Eddie was stunned quiet, gaping at him, unsure of how to respond. Of course Richie’s father loved him. How could he not love him? Wentworth was just fucking terrible at showing it. That was something Eddie recognized from experience with his own mother._ _

__“You wanna know the last time I heard those words come out of his mouth?” Richie asked softly, sounding dull and detached, but Eddie knew it meant something to him. Otherwise he wouldn’t be talking about it. “I can’t even fucking remember. I was probably six years old.”_ _

__Eddie’s chest stung. He couldn’t relate to that. He couldn’t imagine how that might feel. His mother had constantly reminded him how much she loved him growing up. She’d always said her love for him was the reason she did the things she did._ _

__“This whole time I’ve always figured he doesn’t give an ounce of a shit about me,” Richie admitted. “And maybe I was wrong. And maybe I do actually give a shit what he thinks of me.”_ _

__Eddie knew he did. He knew he’d never go through such great lengths to piss them off if he didn’t._ _

__Eddie knew Richie deserved to hear that he was loved every fucking day for the rest of his life. He’d make sure he did._ _

__“Maybe I _am_ the problem,” Richie said forlornly._ _

__“No, you’re not,” Eddie cut in, because he couldn’t actually believe that for a second. “You’re not the problem, Richie. There might be a whole lot of misunderstanding between you and your father, but you can’t change who you are for him. You don’t need to. There’s nothing wrong with you,” Eddie promised._ _

_There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s nothing wrong with you._

__That was the mantra Eddie had been repeating inside his head ever since his mother started making him feel otherwise. It was true for Richie, too._ _

__“You know, this whole week, all I’ve been thinking about was how much I was going to lose when things went bad,” Eddie said quietly. “But, I never realized how much I’d gained. And even if you’d never come back for me, I was still so lucky to have fallen in love with you.” He squeezed Richie’s hands and looked up at him. “Because, you’re incredible, Richie. And I’m so happy I got the chance to get to know you. And your dad _must_ know that.”_ _

__Richie sniffed and pulled his hand back to rub his eyes underneath his glasses. “Aw, shucks, baby, don’t make me cry,” he teased, and Eddie let out a small huff of laughter that made Richie smile sweetly at him._ _

__“I believe in us too, you know,” Richie said, pulling himself together and returning his hand to Eddie’s. “It’s why I’m here. It’s why I came back for you. Because everything else might turn to shit, but I know one thing.” Richie held his gaze and gestured back and forth between them with their hands insistently. “ _This_ \- this thing between us- _isn’t_ shit. It’s fucking out of this world. And maybe I’m just being selfish, but if I get to have one good thing in my life, I want it to be you. It’ll _always_ be you.”_ _

__Eddie nodded quickly, swallowing back the emotions racing inside him, and leaned forward to close the distance between them and press his lips against Richie’s. Richie squeezed his hands and kissing him back eagerly, sighing into his mouth._ _

__When Eddie pulled back slowly, Richie’s breath ghosted across his lips as he spoke quietly. “And I’m just as lucky, baby. You blow my fucking mind, and not just with that pretty mouth of yours.” Richie pulled his hand from Eddie’s to rub his thumb across Eddie’s bottom lip, gaze hooded. “You make me actually want to enjoy my life again,” he whispered and kissed him again. Eddie’s stomach fluttered uncontrollably._ _

__“You were right from the beginning, you know,” Eddie said against his lips, hand finding Richie’s knee. “We do make a pretty good team.”_ _

__Richie’s smile- his _favorite_ smile in the whole entire world- sent his heart pounding. The trashmouth’s eyes were sparkling._ _

__“Fuck yeah, we do.”_ _

__“I love you, Richie.”_ _

__“I love you, too, spaghetti.”_ _

__Eddie huffed at the nickname, and Richie kissed him again, taking his breath and his heart and his world away with his lips._ _

__And when they were done sucking face on the quad like two horny college students, Eddie pulled Richie to his feet and hugged him tightly in his arms, before leading the way back towards their dorm building so they could be with their friends._ _

__“Wait till the whole floor hears my boyfriend is Eddie fucking Kaspbrak,” Richie said proudly as they walked back hand in hand. “They won’t believe I managed to score your cute little ass,” he chuckled into his ear, pulling Eddie back into his arms and kissing the side of his face obnoxiously._ _

__And Eddie pretended to hate it with a passion, but he undeniably loved every second._ _

__\--_ _

__A couple hours later, Eddie found himself comfortably tucked in between Bill and Beverly on the couch in the lounge, eating his second slice of pizza while watching a movie with his friends, and unabashedly enjoying this new life he’d found over spring break._ _

__Stan was nuzzled up on the other side of Bill, and the three remaining losers were piled on the adjacent couch. Richie was squished in the middle with both his arms thrown around Mike’s and Ben’s shoulders, grinning fondly as he talked amongst the two._ _

__After Richie had returned earlier from his dorm room with a cheap thirty pack of warm beer on his shoulder, Eddie had watched him make rounds between each of his friends, sharing a beer while he talked quietly between each and every one of them. Eddie figured by the looks of it, Richie had been giving his own form of an apology to each of his friends and stitching back together any pulls between the group he’d caused over the past week with his grand lie._ _

__Eddie knew it wasn’t necessary. It was obvious the losers would never hold anything against him with the way they stood beside him incessantly. Still, Eddie thought he might just love Richie a little more for the way he cared for his friends._ _

__Now, Richie was arguing favorite movies with Mike and Ben, talking animatedly and worry-free, earning a loud shush from Stan every now and then and an unwavering smile from Eddie._ _

__The movie was merely background noise as Beverly rested her head on Eddie’s shoulder and Bill talked quietly to him about the plot that Eddie was clearly missing, probably because he was so focused on Richie the entire time._ _

__He almost missed the insistent buzzing of his phone against his thigh, pulling it out just in time to see the contact and excuse himself for a moment from the group, earning a curious look from Richie as he got up from the couch._ _

__Eddie stepped out into the hallway, took a deep breath and answered the call. He put the phone to his ear and leaned against the wall._ _

__“Hi, mama,” he said hesitantly, preparing himself for the onslaught of bickering he’d receive from all the ignored phone calls. It’d been days since he’d last talked to her and he knew he’d be paying for it._ _

__It didn’t come._ _

__“Oh, Eddie-bear, where have you been? I’ve been worried sick. You haven’t returned any of my calls,” she fussed, tone sad and laced with concern, lacking its usual anger, however._ _

__“I’m sorry, mom,” Eddie sighed, feeling the unwarranted guilt surface within him. “I’ve just been so busy with my friends, and travelling back to school, and Richie-”_ _

__“Richie?”_ _

__Eddie’s breath caught in his throat for a second, eyes widening as he took a moment. “Yeah, Richie,” he said after a heavy pause. “You know- the kid whose lake house I went to.” It didn’t sound like enough to describe the four-eyed idiot he’d fallen in love with. He felt like he should be saying more._ _

__“Oh, right,” his mother said with a sigh. “Well, I hope you were safe around the lake water. Have you been taking your medication?”_ _

__And that was more like his mother._ _

__Eddie rolled his eyes and took a deep breath. Richie was still on his mind. “Yes, mom-”_ _

__And just like that she was off on her usual very persistent version of twenty questions, including everything from Eddie’s health to his sleep schedule to his school work. She loved to micromanage him, and for once Eddie let her. He was too happy with his life right now to argue._ _

__There would come a time when he’d tell his mom the truth about Richie- about who he was and all that he meant to Eddie. It wasn’t now, but it was soon, he knew._ _

__When he finally got his mother off the phone, after many _’I love you’s’_ and promises to call soon, he wandered back into the floor lounge, chest light and smile curled onto his lips._ _

__Richie’s bright eyes caught his immediately, and he grinned widely and patted his lap for Eddie to come sit. Ben had switched couches to cuddle next to Beverly. Eddie couldn’t believe he’d once thought Richie was into her._ _

__Eddie’s smile deepened, and he didn’t hesitate to close the distance between him and his boyfriend and crawl right into Richie’s lap. He welcomed the warm arms that instantaneously circled around him and pulled him closer against his chest._ _

__“Everything okay?” Richie whispered against his ear, pressing warm kisses into his temple and then his cheek. Eddie nodded against him, turning his head to look into those gleaming eyes._ _

__“Couldn’t be better,” he said, watching Richie’s unwavering toothy smile for a moment before leaning in to kiss him deeply. He meant it._ _

__With Richie and their best friends, and this new-found calmness in his chest and thrilling spark in his heart, Eddie knew he wouldn’t change a damn thing about the past week. Because this moment right here, a moment that he knew would continue to repeat itself in the time to come, was everything Eddie needed and more. Richie was everything he needed and more._ _

__So, fuck faking it. The love they shared for each other was one hundred percent fucking real._ _

__And nothing in the world could change that._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yall's response to vic's character last chapter had me cracking up,, ive been completely winging him but he'll be back next chapter since yall enjoy him so much. next chapter is gonna be a long one so might take me a lil longer to write but it's the epilogue. thank yall so so much for all the support on this ily.


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